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Does he love me?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm the most self-conscious person around. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and we're planning on going travelling to Australia at the end of this year. But I still ask him everyday whether or not he loves me. I really want him to propose to me but he says he'll never do it and never want to have kids. To be fair I'm only 18 and don't want to marry or have kids for another 10years or so but I need reassurance that he loves me
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We've actually got a Q&A in our askTheSite archive which could hardly be closer to your situation if you'd submitted it yourself. Have a look: Love detector .
Also, just becasue he says he'll never propose or want to have kids doesn't have to mean he doesn't love you, sometimes when people are pressured into agreeing to such things it can make them feel nervous and give an extreme answer. Many guys that I knew when I was younger said that they didn't want to get married but most are either engaged or at least living with their partners. Our opinions on these things can change drastically over time.
Hope this helps reassure you
I wouldn't pressure him into proposing. Especially not at 18. Also looks like you've got some confidence issues, i'd get those sorted out.
Because i reckon its going to end up really pissing him off, and he'll go off you.
I don't want to marry yet but I would still love to be engaged cause it means so much to me. I would feel much more comfortable and loved. Yeah I have got confidence issues. I'm on anti-depressants and find it difficult o acceot that people actually like/love me.
I think you need to work on your issues first. Most blokes i know get put off by needy girls.
And i think thats a kinda wrong reason to wanna be engaged to someone. Sort your confidence out and you won't need him to feel better.
I'm really sorry, but the thing is this sounds like this belief may well be an excuse for really getting to the crux of your confidence issues. Who is to say that if you're boyfriend proposed to you you wouldn't still worry about whether he might call it off, or even if you got married, whether he might decide to divorce you? I know this sounds harsh, but from what you've told us so far, your boyfriend is already making quite a big committment in his decision to go to Australia with you and we can't know for sure whether or not he loves you, what we can tell you is that learning to love yourself is equally as important.
You mention that you already taking anti-depressants - hopefully these are helping. Often people say that anti-depressants are more effective when combined with some kind of therapy/counselling. You may find this article on boosting confidence helpful - particularly links to other organisations.
Take good care of yourself, and celebrate your relationship, it sounds like a positive one
If you and your boyfriend are planning on going travelling to Australia there is definitely something there as everyone else has said. I know it's hard (as I have explained above) but you have to push these thoughts out of your head, and stop asking him if he loves you. I am sure that he will say it when the time is right and if you got engaged, you may then feel the same again but about getting married, and in my opinion 18 years old and having gone out for 1 year is a bit soon, although everyone is different.
If you want to PM me to get anything off your chest you can. I can kind of relate to what you're going through, but I do think that like me it is a problem with you and your feelings and confidence, rather than him.
Take care x
I must admit i find it hard when partners are always seeking reassurance about love/emotions because in my eyes if i'm with them then that means i care.
Like everyone else has said i really would try and sort out the self-confidence issues first rather than pushing for an engagement. You sound like if you were engaged that would mean your self-worth would increase. But at the end of the day you should only get engaged if you love that person and want to marry not used it as an emotional crutch.
While as girls, we think about marriage and kids and things that pertain to our far future, Boys, on the other hand, think at the moment, and right now he's probably thinking "here's a girl whose company i enjoy so much, i'm willing to take a 13 hour flight with her and spend some time with her in AUSTRALIA"
it ain't exactly "i love you" but it's a good enough expression of it
i think he wouldn't waste his time and trip if he didn't care for you
well, i say this, but im pretty sure i'll marry at some point.
take it as face value, if he didnt love you, he wouldnt be there. (at least i hope not)
he shouldn't need to put a ring on your finger to prove he loves you, and a ring won't make you feel any more secure
Or do you mean he tells you and you still ask more?
I tell my boyf all the time, and vice versa. if I had to ask him, then yeah id probably be feeling a bit insecure too.