Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Not sure about my current relationship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
So I've being 'dating' my new boy for a few weeks, he's really keen and wanting to see me more and more which should be great right? Only it isn't I think he likes me a lot more than I like him. I should be gagging to see him but I'm just indifferent really, I've tried telling him I want to take things slower but to be honest I'm not sure it could actually get any slower!

The sex is GREAT, he's great, everything you could ask for I'm just not feeling it, it doesn't feel right. I'm not getting that heart beating so fast you think you're gonna faint when he kisses me or any excitment at all when I know I'm going to be seeing him....and this is only the first few weeks. I know I'm the luckiest woman to have him all to myself but I don't feel like that.

Had an argument with him today because he wanted me to go away with him this weekend but I just can't face it.

Just wanted to sound off really, can't talk to my close friends because they all love him (even my male friends who never ever like anyone I date) and I know they'd tell me to stop being stupid but surely its wrong to drag this on when I'm not feeling it? Surely it'd be better to tell him now?

What makes this all worse is I get all those excited feelings when I spend time at his flat with his flatmate!!! I'm not saying anything would happen with him because I know it wouldn't but its just wrong!

Thanx for reading this so far. x

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you aren't feeling anything for this guy you should put an end to it before he gets hurt..or develops even more feelings for you.

    If you've tried telling him that you want to go slower, there isn't much else you can do but put him straight.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say that if there is no spark there at the moment, you seriously need to ask yourself why your with him. I know that sounds harsh, and i know that feelings can develop for people over time, but tehre has to be something there right from the start. He might be really nice, the perfect boyfriend, gets on well with your friends, but if tehres no spark then he's obviously not right boyfriend material for you. I think that when you meet someone you want to be with, you know it and theres no doubting or questioning whether its what you want.

    Hope that helps :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah it does help, both of you. I know I have to end it but its going to be hard because I know its just this one thing (a major thing I know), its not like he's been treating me like shit or anything.

    I feel so guilty. I've known him for a few years and we were friends but nothing ever happened between us because he lived in another country for a while but he moved back to our home town, not because of me. I thought it would be so perfect.

    You are right, I know you are but I know this is going to hit him hard (thats not me being big headed, I just know he thinks this is going to be a happy ending) I have no idea how to do it. :crying:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't feel bad about it. You either hurt him now, or hurt him a hell of a lot worse a few months/years down the line, after putting yourself through a tough time living in the relationship. Its a case of you having to be cruel to be kind.... i know that sounds tough and heartless...but you've gotta think of whats best for you and him in the long term :)

    Good luck. I know tehres no easy way to do it... but just keep reassuring yourself that you're doing the right thing :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    H-face wrote:
    Don't feel bad about it. You either hurt him now, or hurt him a hell of a lot worse a few months/years down the line, after putting yourself through a tough time living in the relationship. Its a case of you having to be cruel to be kind.... i know that sounds tough and heartless...but you've gotta think of whats best for you and him in the long term :)

    Good luck. I know tehres no easy way to do it... but just keep reassuring yourself that you're doing the right thing :)

    Thank you.

    I really want to stay friends with him too, but I'm not sure that would work..well not straight away at least. Its going to be tough since both of our best friends have just started dating each other too. I get myself into some silly situations. You are right though and it's nice to hear someone say I'm doing the right thing because I'm sure when people around me find out they'll be saying something completely different.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Only end it if it is what you really want. When me and my boyfriend first got together, after a few months I was more into the relationship than he was, then after 10 months he ended it - I think he felt that he wasn't giving me what I was giving him. However, a few months later and we were back together and now we have been great and we love each other equally, sometimes I think that he loves me more so it has almost reversed from how we were before.

    He is glad that we are back together and regrets us splitting up before, so my advice is don't rush into eding it if you have doubts.

    I do think that you should talk to him about it though, tell him that you want a bit more space to make it more special when you do see each other. My boyfriend told me that this was his problem after we had split up and I just wished that he had told me before so that I could have backed away a bit and given him the space he needed, instead of him just ending it.

    Hope it turns out for the best whichever way you go. Follow your heart, only you know how you feel and what you want, although it won't feel like even you know sometimes x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    littlemidgetsarah wrote:
    Only end it if it is what you really want. When me and my boyfriend first got together, after a few months I was more into the relationship than he was, then after 10 months he ended it - I think he felt that he wasn't giving me what I was giving him. However, a few months later and we were back together and now we have been great and we love each other equally, sometimes I think that he loves me more so it has almost reversed from how we were before.

    He is glad that we are back together and regrets us splitting up before, so my advice is don't rush into eding it if you have doubts.

    I do think that you should talk to him about it though, tell him that you want a bit more space to make it more special when you do see each other. My boyfriend told me that this was his problem after we had split up and I just wished that he had told me before so that I could have backed away a bit and given him the space he needed, instead of him just ending it.

    Hope it turns out for the best whichever way you go. Follow your heart, only you know how you feel and what you want, although it won't feel like even you know sometimes x


    Yes I totally see what you're saying and I agree completely but I would be following my heart by ending it. I've asked him to cool off but that just didn't work he was back calling me and making plans for weekends away the very next day. He's been telling all my friends how he's so happy and how we're such a great couple etc etc. Its not even at couple status yet for me.

    The only thing keeping me with him is the fact that he is so perfect but he just isn't perfect for me, theres no spark for me. It sounds so harsh and its not him at all I just think some people don't get that spark, not ever I really know I never will.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remotebleeper wrote:
    The only thing keeping me with him is the fact that he is so perfect but he just isn't perfect for me, theres no spark for me. It sounds so harsh and its not him at all I just think some people don't get that spark, not ever I really know I never will.

    doesn't sound harsh at all. some people click and some don't. doesn't matter how 'perfect' they are or how much your mates like them. your mates don't have to have the relationship.

    both of you deserve someone who makes you giddy inside. i think you do right.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you all, its really helped me.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remotebleeper wrote:
    Yes I totally see what you're saying and I agree completely but I would be following my heart by ending it. I've asked him to cool off but that just didn't work he was back calling me and making plans for weekends away the very next day. He's been telling all my friends how he's so happy and how we're such a great couple etc etc. Its not even at couple status yet for me.

    The only thing keeping me with him is the fact that he is so perfect but he just isn't perfect for me, theres no spark for me. It sounds so harsh and its not him at all I just think some people don't get that spark, not ever I really know I never will.

    If that is what your heart says then I would say that it is the best thing to do. It is best to end it before he gets any more serious if you just don't see a through.

    Best of luck hun. Hope all goes well x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Went round his before he went to work this morning. Told him and he seems to have taken it really well, he said he knew and just didn't want to admit it. We've agreed to be friends but I'm going to give him space for a little while. He's out with the boys tonight so I'm sure I'll get some drunken phonecalls.

    It was awful saying goodbye, even though I'll be seeing him in a week or so. So sad it didn't work out but I couldn't lie any longer.

    We go to the same pubs so its going to be difficult when we meet new people I'm sure but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it I suppose. Thank you all for your support, it meant a lot. :yes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Glad it went well. I am sure that it will get easier and seeing him won't be so bad as you'll stay good friends and it's ended on happy terms.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So...I was pretty much too slow getting here to give advice and the such like, but I'm glad you could speak to him. Sounds like you did the right thing :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    So...I was pretty much too slow getting here to give advice and the such like, but I'm glad you could speak to him. Sounds like you did the right thing :)

    Thanks,

    It doesn't really feel like much has changed though to be honest, he just rang for a chat a little while ago. He's off out with his friends tonight so I'm guessing he'll be getting very drunk...needless to say I'm staying in out of the way.

    I don't even feel that sad, he's a bit cut up but he'll get over it. He's a good looking bloke so I know there'll be plenty of girls after him tonight, not sure how I feel about that but hey ho thats life. I don't want to be all "I don't want him but no-one else can have him" so I'll have to get over it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :) It'll be fine. I'm pretty much 100% sure of it.

    Just remember... for as many pretty girls there are out there for him, there are equally as many pretty boys for you! Maybe even more! :thumb:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    :) It'll be fine. I'm pretty much 100% sure of it.

    Just remember... for as many pretty girls there are out there for him, there are equally as many pretty boys for you! Maybe even more! :thumb:

    Yey :thumb:

    I can't wait to go looking I can tell you!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's ~always~ fun!
    Which is why I've discovered I'm slightly enjoying this 'seeing each other' status as of late.

    But aye, go enjoy yourself! :yes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Know how you feel, glad it seems to have ended well. Sounds horrible to say it but once you've done it you do feel relieved. It's easier to finish things if there's a problem e.g them being posessive, them being clingy etc. but if they really truly are a decent bloke and their only crime is you not feeling the same as them it does tend to make it harder as you know it's going to hurt them but i suppose as everyone else has said it's better to do it early on rather than drag it out.
Sign In or Register to comment.