trouble at work

Former Member · May 2006

I wasn't sure which board to put this on, so I went for relationships, which it kinda is.

I'm 16, and I work in a kitchen of a restaurant with a group of other people my age. I've worked there for a while but lately I've come home in tears on a regular basis because of have miserable I feel. The other people tend to pick on me because I'm quiet, and there is one girl (Tina) who just goes on and on at me til the point when even the others are saying ok this is getting a bit mean now lets leave her alone, she'll end up crying or something. which is so embarrassing.

It makes the few people who don't pick on me feel embarrassed and akward to.

It's nothing really direct, it's just gradually taking to piss. Like at first it's just taking the mick out of me, which I don't mind but then it goes on and on past a joke.

I really love the job, and I don't want to quit because of this. But I need to bring it to an end and stop myself feeling like this.

Former Member · May 2006

Does your manager know about this?

Former Member · May 2006

you have a right to work without being bullied.
you need to deal with it... is there someone at work you feel comfortable talking to about it? or could you go higher up the ladder to get it sorted?

Former Member · May 2006

my boss isn't exactly the nicest person in the world. She'd probs just go and tell the others to leave me alone, in front of everyone, which would just make it worse. I wouldn't call it bullying, it's less extreme than that. But I think I'm a pretty easy target.

I just need ways to sort it myself, stand up to people

Former Member · May 2006

innocent_kate wrote:

I just need ways to sort it myself, stand up to people

Yes, definitely, but you shouldn't have to put up with bullying at work (and it is bullying if you're going home upset).

Unfortunately in life there are some people who enjoy taking their insecurities out on others and it sounds like 'Tina' is one of them. With a name like that it's hardly surpising, but maybe the best option would be to ask her to stop and then try to ignore her jibber jabber. Or think of a good comeback or put down.

Former Member · May 2006

Kentish wrote:

Yes, definitely, but you shouldn't have to put up with bullying at work (and it is bullying if you're going home upset).

Unfortunately in life there are some people who enjoy taking their insecurities out on others and it sounds like 'Tina' is one of them. With a name like that it's hardly surpising, but maybe the best option would be to ask her to stop and then try to ignore her jibber jabber. Or think of a good comeback or put down.

:yes:

If you act as thought nothing's wrong (hard I know) Tina should back off. If you react by crying or doing something similar, she will carry on because she knows that she's getting a reaction from you.

Former Member · May 2006

Although I'm aware this isn't the most productive reply you've had so far, TheSite usually has some really useful articles on how to handle situations, and I'm pretty sure they'll cover a general bullying if not bullying at work in itself. (which is what this is, anything that upsets you and is uncalled for like this, is bullying)

I'll have a look and if I find anything, I'll come back and post it. But what the other members have said is right, both in respect to telling your boss (or if needs be, his/her boss) or just standing up for yourself (which could be hard but worthwhile)

ETA: Here's a few links that may help

Bullying At Work

[URL=http://www.thesite.org.uk/homelawandmoney/askthesiteqandas/legalandrightsqandas/bullyingboss
]TheSite Q&A - Bullying Boss[/URL]

Beat Bullying

All the links are from TheSite.org itself, so don't worry, I'm not sending you off to be pummeled with ad's or viruses.

There'll always be someone on here willing to talk to you if needed also, and I'm sure all your family and friends will think the same, so remember you don't have to deal with it alone.

Former Member · May 2006

Honey this is bullying - you need to speak to your boss about this.

Even if she's a horrible person she has a legal and moral obligation to do something about the people picking on you.
Speak to her, maybe before your next shift and make it clear you're not going to stand for it.
Maybe keeping a diary of what's going on will help - write every incident of bullying in there for a week (or however long you can stand it), then take it to your boss. If she sees it in black and white, it might help her understand what's going on.

Or mybe you could ask your mum to go with you and speak to your boss?

Former Member · May 2006

innocent_kate wrote:

my boss isn't exactly the nicest person in the world. She'd probs just go and tell the others to leave me alone, in front of everyone, which would just make it worse. I wouldn't call it bullying, it's less extreme than that. But I think I'm a pretty easy target.

I just need ways to sort it myself, stand up to people

Ive been there with my old boss. She was a complete bitch and was always going on at me. In the end I had to speak to her although I couldn't for ages because I was so nutvous and scared. But you do have to stand up for yourself and after I did speak to her about my conserns, I felt much better. So talk it out with someone.

**helen** · May 2006

innocent_kate wrote:

I wasn't sure which board to put this on, so I went for relationships, which it kinda is.

I'm 16, and I work in a kitchen of a restaurant with a group of other people my age. I've worked there for a while but lately I've come home in tears on a regular basis because of have miserable I feel. The other people tend to pick on me because I'm quiet, and there is one girl (Tina) who just goes on and on at me til the point when even the others are saying ok this is getting a bit mean now lets leave her alone, she'll end up crying or something. which is so embarrassing. It makes the few people who don't pick on me feel embarrassed and akward to.

It's nothing really direct, it's just gradually taking to piss. Like at first it's just taking the mick out of me, which I don't mind but then it goes on and on past a joke.

I really love the job, and I don't want to quit because of this. But I need to bring it to an end and stop myself feeling like this.

Hi Kate - this sounds all too familiar - I worked in a kitchen when I was 16 and was also pretty quiet. It gave the other workers the impression I was stuck-up and their perfect target for torment. As soon as I realised their impression of me: they thought I thought I was somehow better or above them - it kind of helped me to relax a little and I started to become a bit mouthy without trying to be someone I'm not.

The problem with this environment is that your workmates are immature and seem to think that the kitchen is an extension of the school playground. Can I just reassure you that not all workplaces are like this and not one job I've had since has bred the same level of bitchiness.

However, that's not much consolation right now is it? So in the meantime I'd try to become friendlier with the others who have stuck up for you so far - maybe aks them questions about themselves - what do they want to do when they leave this place? Ask them to show you how to do something in the kitchen you haven't been taught yet - anything that can show them that you are open to making friends.

Also - I'd also recommend reading thesite's article on bullying in the work place which Nikki signposted - there are some really good tips in there.

I hope everything works out for you - but do let us know how things go so we can offer futher advice and support. Take care and hold your head high

Former Member · May 2006

thanks for the help guys, and for the links nicx

I think the making better friends with the others in the kitchen, who don't pick on me is a good idea, and definatly something I will try to do. Talking to my boss...well I'll try, but it'll take quite a bit of courage! I'll do my best.

Thanks again

Former Member · May 2006

I had similar trouble at work a few months ago, but it was with my manager so it was very hard to do anything about it. At least this 'Tina' girl is at the same level as you, so she can't use her authority to her advantage like my bitch of a boss did. Also, remember that bullies only bully people to make their victim feel bad, because it makes them feel better about themselves. This means that they obviously (as was previously mentioned) have insecurities or issues. You may find that she's picking on you because she's jealous of you for whatever reason, and humiliating you in front of everyone is her way of making herself feel better, and having power over you. Remeber that everyone's equal, and that she has NO power or rights over you! You can rise above it, by thinking that at least you're not the one with insecurities! These other girls that seem to join in with her are probably only doing it because of peer pressure, and I bet they're nicer than 'Tina' is once you get on the right side of them! I hope things get better for you; I know all too well how you feel on this one.

trouble at work

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