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Previous lovers
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am with my first long term girlfriend and my first sex partner. I am her fourth. Now if we ignore my impotence problems as sometimes we do actually have sex, how important is it to have great sex? Now she says she loves me and that sex isn't important but she has also told me that although I satisfy her that she has had better sex with at least one of her previous boyfriends.
So people like me;
How do you cope with the idea that although your partner is happy with your sex life she had better elsewhere? What stops you from thinking you are not good enough or imagining her with the other person having more fun?
People like her;
What makes you accept average sex just because you love someone? What stops you from trying to make the person you love the best fuck of your life? If it doesn't get better aren't you going to one day regret being with the person your with?
So people like me;
How do you cope with the idea that although your partner is happy with your sex life she had better elsewhere? What stops you from thinking you are not good enough or imagining her with the other person having more fun?
People like her;
What makes you accept average sex just because you love someone? What stops you from trying to make the person you love the best fuck of your life? If it doesn't get better aren't you going to one day regret being with the person your with?
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Comments
I don't think it was very good of her to tell you that she's had better sex before, though.
Same here, both me and my boyfriend where lacking in the experiance department, but it meant that we both learnt what each other liked.
My friend once went out with someone who had had a lot of partners and she said it was some of the worse sex she had, ok he knew what to do, but he just did what he thought she would like based upon previous experiance and did not even both to check with her if she was enjoying the sex.
As yes it can sometime be better to go out with someone who is not that experiance, as the are more likley to be a blank canvas, onto which you can both add to create fantasic sex. As everyone is different and what worked for your last partner may not work at all with your next. Its all about teaching each other and being willing to learn.
Ouch
That is a little harsh of her.
That is where a little white lie would have done no harm.
Sex doesnt stay the same throughout whole relationships. Theres every chance it will improve, and it sounds like you really want to. You really need to go with the flow. Try new things out together. The fact that she is your first, or that youve had the odd trouble, doesnt mean it wont be good in the future, and if you love each other, then youre already most of the way there - that means so much more than the physical sensations of sex, which shes already proved to you.
sex is not everything
Secondly she admitted the fact to me only because with my on off impotence problems that I didn't believe her when she told me she was happy with our sex life. Obviously if its a mental problem causing the impotence thats not going to help me but I would of assumed it anyway and having spoken about it at least I can try and deal with it rather than always think it might be true denting my confidence.
Thirdly, I assume she's not with the last guy because the relationship broke down rather than the sex which isn't much comfort but then she loves me.
The conclusion I seem to be getting here is that everyone who has multiple partners accepts that sex may not be best with their current partner but it doesn't matter because you love them and at the end of the day sex is not that important.
The only reason I have trouble accepting this is because I haven't had any previous partners. Therfore I have no basis of comparison and feel inferior as I feel I need to complete even though she could be crap at sex and I won't know it. So I shouldn't expect the sex she has with me to be to be as mind blowing to her as it is with me. I can only hope she will teach, so it can in future, which as long as I communicate with her should be possible as my lack of experience will mean my whole sex life will be taught around her needs
Am i right?
yeah that is very true. sex isnt everything tbh
1. You asked a question you couldnt handle the answer to. Youll know not to do that next time.
2. Of course youll know if shes crap at sex. There are no rules. Its just down to how good it feels.
Once youve got over your anxiety (and I dont think you did yourself any favours by asking her if it was the best sex ever, whilst you were having performance troubles) Sex will get better and better. Youve got love there. Thats more important than anything.
If you try and stop dwelling on it, expecting it to fail, then youre halfway there. Stop trying to be the best shes ever had, and concentrate on just giving each other pleasure. Thats good enough. The rest will come later.