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Leaving home...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi all,

Well, I plan to be soon moving away to Liverpool to be with my boyfriend. (Been together over a year)

The only thing stopping me is the thought of leaving my parents. I mean, its not just "Aww I'm going to miss them" But I burst into tears whenever I think about it. :(

It's not like its just down the road either. More like 300 miles away. Thats probably whats getting to me most. The thought of not being able to see them exactly whenever I want to. What if one gets ill suddenly?

I've not been away from them before for no longer than 1 week. And we've always been a caring and close family.

Do you think I'm over-reacting? or should I just get a grip and go for the move to get on with my life?

I'm 18 so I think I'm old enough to start a life somewhere else, but if I'm feeling this upset about leaving them, is it too soon for me? Ahhhh it's really tough because one day I'm all up for it, the next I'm not because I don't want to leave them.

Any suggestions? Or has anyone felt the same and how long did it take for you to settle in and not get upset anymore?

:confused:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why are you the one making the sacrifice of moving all the way up to where he lives? Can't you get a place together a little close to home? It seems a little unfair that you have to move so far away from your home yet he isn't. Does he have a job or something?

    Why are you moving in together so soon? I mean, I know you said it was a year and everything but in my eyes thats a little too soon. I wouldn't even consider moving in with a guy after that length of time to be honest but thats me. I like my space and independence.

    I don't think you are over-reacting to be honest. Leaving home is a big thing and if you come from such close family and you want to see them often then maybe moving so far away isn't such a good idea. It could end up making you really unhappy being away from home, away from your friends and away from your family.

    You are only 18. Maybe you are not ready to leave home yet. Maybe you shouldn't move into your boyfriend's place until you are 100% sure that it is what you want rather than making the mistake of moving only to regret it. Saying that though, you won't know how you will deal with it until you try. You can always come back home if you find it too hard to deal with right?

    I've lived away from home for nearly 2 years now at University. Personally, I love living away from home but I was looking forward to leaving home, you aint. I miss my parents, of course I do but like, I don't know, you learn to deal with it sorta thing.

    It doesn't sound as though moving that far away is what you want to be honest.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went to uni 45 miles away from home at the age of 18, and moved back 6 days later - I realised missed my family too much to move away from home. 2 years later and I'm still living with my parents.

    There's nothing wrong with being close to your family. If you're not ready to move out, then don't.

    Ilora x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When i moved away from home for the first time i was 18 and i moved to the other side of the country. I think you've got to give it a go.. i didn't know if i'd be able to cope.. but if you dont, you can just move back... maybe try it for a period of a couple of months, and then see how you feel. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I moved out when I was 16 and did miss my mum so much, I was only a couple of miles away too....but you do get used to it. You can always visit and they can visit you. If the pain gets too much and doesnt subside after a few month, move back home. Tell your partner that this is a trial so he doesn't think you are just dumping him. Like my ex did when he moved 100 miles to be with me. I got home and there was a note on my bed saying he loved me, still wanted me but missed home to much. That really hurt. The sneaky, spineless git.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leaving home is a difficult decision to make, and requires a degree of careful planning. I left home at 26 years of age although my mother wished me to remain for a little while longer. Despite me saying 'Mummy, I am at the age where a son really must go', she found it hard to accept (and yes I still call her Mummy).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Moving away from home is a big change in your life so it is really understandable that you get teary about it. Even if you didnt think you would miss your parents THAT much, it is still that your whole daily life will be different which is really an emotional thing to deal with.

    You say you are a close family so maybe you could talk to your parents about it? tell them that you are worried about missing them (they are probably thinking that they are really gonna miss you too) and maybe you can talk about the ways to make it better like phoning every so often, trips home when possible, maybe seeing them on webcam too if you will both have computers and your parents are up for that.

    I moved away from home when I was 18 too (and when I was 25 I moved to the other side of the world which was even harder :p) and I was homesick at first too but throwing myself into my new life in the new place, meeting new people and setting up things there really helped, as did knowing that I could call home whenever I wanted.

    I really hope it goes well for you, good luck.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    intrepide wrote:
    Moving away from home is a big change in your life so it is really understandable that you get teary about it. Even if you didnt think you would miss your parents THAT much, it is still that your whole daily life will be different which is really an emotional thing to deal with.

    :yes: totally agree, and actually it's probably a good to have these feelings now so that you can prepare yourself and think about how to make the move run as smoothly as possible - far better that than to not think about how it might affect you and then arrive there and feel totally lost.

    TheSite has some articles which relate to your situation which you may find helpful. Why not have a look at:

    Moving to a new town

    Homesickness

    Cutting the apron strings

    Take care ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a hell of a long way to go at 18. Maybe youre just not ready to move that far away. Whats the hurry?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, don't rush into things. As mentioned, I was 26 before I decided to leave home, and even then was a big decision. I think Mummy has finally accepted it!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote:
    thats a hell of a long way to go at 18. Maybe youre just not ready to move that far away. Whats the hurry?

    agreed and you've only been with your bf what, just over a year?

    maybe you're not ready for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the start, my boyfriend was going to move down here instead but we then both decided it was better to live up there. I personlly would rather live up there anyway because it has more to offfer etc.

    Yeah, we've been together for over a year but known each other for quite a few years- it was only that year a bit ago we decided to just go for it- who cares about distance, if we really want it to work then we will. So now, a year on we just think it'll be easier if we lived together, rather than travelling 300 miles. :(

    Anyway, thanks for all you're replies :) I'll take them on board. Especially about actually talking to my parents about it all. :)
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