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Broken up...help me :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys
I know there’s not much any of you can do to help me with this…I guess I’m just looking for some comfort and reassurance. Last week I split up with my boyfriend after nearly 2 years together. It wasn’t over anything concrete really, he’s 3 years younger than me (I’m 25 on Saturday…great timing) and he’s been talking recently about all the stuff he wants to do in the future, uni, travelling etc. I started worrying because I didn’t seem to figure in any of his plans and basically after talking about it a bit it became obvious we wanted different things. We both love each other still, he just seems to think we’re in danger of getting stuck in a rut and that he wants space whereas I wanted us to stay together. I still really want to be with him, but know there’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t want the same thing. I think I’ve known for a while that we weren’t going to last forever but it doesn’t make it any easier to bear now we’ve split up. He was the first person I’ve ever loved, my first long-term relationship, and I love him so much. He made me happy and now I feel so low and so lonely. My friends are being fantastic, but it’s so hard to come home every day after work and not see him. To not speak to him on the phone, not fall asleep with his arms around me, not wake up next to him. I know that it will get better, that the first few days and weeks are the worst, but I could really do with encouragement from people who’ve been here before. I’m doing my best to keep busy (stayed in last night and felt so terrible all evening I’ve vowed not to do it again for at least a week) but just can’t help hoping I’m going to hear from him. We left things on pretty good terms eventually, I resolved to make our last meeting OK so that he’d think of me as someone he’d miss rather than someone he’d be glad to avoid and I think I managed it. I just miss and want him so much. Please help convince me I’m going to be OK :crying:
I know there’s not much any of you can do to help me with this…I guess I’m just looking for some comfort and reassurance. Last week I split up with my boyfriend after nearly 2 years together. It wasn’t over anything concrete really, he’s 3 years younger than me (I’m 25 on Saturday…great timing) and he’s been talking recently about all the stuff he wants to do in the future, uni, travelling etc. I started worrying because I didn’t seem to figure in any of his plans and basically after talking about it a bit it became obvious we wanted different things. We both love each other still, he just seems to think we’re in danger of getting stuck in a rut and that he wants space whereas I wanted us to stay together. I still really want to be with him, but know there’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t want the same thing. I think I’ve known for a while that we weren’t going to last forever but it doesn’t make it any easier to bear now we’ve split up. He was the first person I’ve ever loved, my first long-term relationship, and I love him so much. He made me happy and now I feel so low and so lonely. My friends are being fantastic, but it’s so hard to come home every day after work and not see him. To not speak to him on the phone, not fall asleep with his arms around me, not wake up next to him. I know that it will get better, that the first few days and weeks are the worst, but I could really do with encouragement from people who’ve been here before. I’m doing my best to keep busy (stayed in last night and felt so terrible all evening I’ve vowed not to do it again for at least a week) but just can’t help hoping I’m going to hear from him. We left things on pretty good terms eventually, I resolved to make our last meeting OK so that he’d think of me as someone he’d miss rather than someone he’d be glad to avoid and I think I managed it. I just miss and want him so much. Please help convince me I’m going to be OK :crying:
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Comments
For now be kind to yourself and as you mentioned, it's often good to be around people rather than alone. Also, I know it's really tough, but try not to dwell on your final conversations with your ex too much - think about the good time, but also think about your future plans.
The fact that there was no malice in your break-up is a really positive thing and is likely to really make a difference to how you get over it - by the sounds of it you were both very mature about it and will go on to have great relationships with new people in the future.
Take good care of yourself
I broke up with my ex about a year ago on bitter terms and it wounded me good and proper. The only advice I can give you (which will probably be given by a further 100 people haha) is to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with mates. As mentioned above, being on your own is evil, it makes you feel so alone. I was out of a job when I broke up with my ex, so I had nothing to do except sit and think and it made me 10x worse.
The "Time is a great healer" saying is said so many times, but it's completely true. Hope you feel better soon, good luck!
As other people have said, keep busy and try to use this time to start spending more time with your friends!
Hope you feel better soon!!
p.s... The fact that you mention High Contrast in your Location gets you massive amounts of respect from me!
The man is a genius! You will def be ok!
I know that right now you'll be thinking it's impossible, but you WILL get over it, as others have said.
Go out, have a good time with friends, and whenever you feel bad, try to remember that you CAN have a good time without that someone else. It helps a great deal to remember that because it reminds you that loneliness can be erased by anyone and not just a partner.
They say no-one goes through life without getting heartbroken, so almost everyone out there will be able to sympathise with you - you're not alone in this. Try not to feel too lonely because there will always be someone there for you.
Take care of yourself and keep your chin up!
First loves hurt like a bitch. They are the worst.
Everyone always says time is a healer and although it doesn't feel like it now, you will get over him. I promise you, you will.
I thought I would never get over my first love but I did then I thought I wouldn't get over a few other relationships after that. You do though but over time. It doesn't happen over night. It may take weeks, months, years but eventually you will be over him.
Have fun being single. Have fun being independent and spending time with yourself. Spend lots of time with your friends.
*hugs* Hope you are ok, PM me if you wanna talk xxx
PS JamesZero...you're right about High Contrast. He plays in Cardiff now and again and it's always a wicked night