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Really need advice...how to make things ok again?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, I'm new here so be nice to me 
I really need some advice and I was hoping I could get some honest, objective opinions on this. Basically there's a guy I like at work. He liked me too, back in December we went out a couple of times but then it all went a bit wrong (due to other people getting involved) and he now flits between speakign to me, and hating my guts - it's usually ok for a while and we're getting on flirting, chatting etc then he'll hear that I like another man (rumours from co-workers) or I'll look at/make comments about another guy I see and he'll suddenly start being nasty to me, really trying to hurt me!
We haven't spoken for about 2 weeks and from what I can tell, the only reason he stopped speaking was because he heard that I liked another guy, and when I didn't deny it he went mental, started being nasty and even tried to put the other guy off me by making me out to be a freak!
I have no idea why he's doing it but I'd like to get back on 'friend-terms' with him if nothing else (although I'm pretty sure he hates me...) but I'm not sure how.
You'll have to read this topic - http://grouphug.us/threads/comments.php?DiscussionID=883&page=1#Item_40 (it's from another board, hope that's allowed,but I'm too lazy to post it again as it's loooong!) for the full story, then if you could comment/help me out that'd be great!
Thanks
I really need some advice and I was hoping I could get some honest, objective opinions on this. Basically there's a guy I like at work. He liked me too, back in December we went out a couple of times but then it all went a bit wrong (due to other people getting involved) and he now flits between speakign to me, and hating my guts - it's usually ok for a while and we're getting on flirting, chatting etc then he'll hear that I like another man (rumours from co-workers) or I'll look at/make comments about another guy I see and he'll suddenly start being nasty to me, really trying to hurt me!
We haven't spoken for about 2 weeks and from what I can tell, the only reason he stopped speaking was because he heard that I liked another guy, and when I didn't deny it he went mental, started being nasty and even tried to put the other guy off me by making me out to be a freak!
I have no idea why he's doing it but I'd like to get back on 'friend-terms' with him if nothing else (although I'm pretty sure he hates me...) but I'm not sure how.
You'll have to read this topic - http://grouphug.us/threads/comments.php?DiscussionID=883&page=1#Item_40 (it's from another board, hope that's allowed,but I'm too lazy to post it again as it's loooong!) for the full story, then if you could comment/help me out that'd be great!
Thanks
0
Comments
It don't sound like the best basis for a relationship if he goes through periods of hating you, have to say.
i just think that he sounds really immature. he wants you and cant cope with the fact that you like other people and so is making you feel shit about it.
Id say just leave him to it. whay would you want to be friends with someone that goes out of his way to hurt you? Id also say that it would probably be safer to not mention other people that you like infront of him because it is rubbing his face in it and he's gonna react badly again.
To whoever asked, I don't think I could trust him anymore, so no - I don't want to get romantically involved with him. I just want to get back to being friends and if possible, find out why he acted the way he did. I'm not sure how to go about it though, any ideas?
I don't know, I suppose I just want to know if he ever liked me/still has feelings for me or if he was just messing with my head (or hates me!).
How can I find that out?
Did i miss the bit where she said they'd had a serious relationship then?! That's what i meant by romantically involved....!
Btw I think you do need to read the posts on the link in my first post to properly understand the me and andy thing, so if anyone hasn't read it yet, please do
I'd personally get out now, if you're both like this out of a relationship then what makes you think it's going to get any better if you're together? You both sound just as immature as one another (no offence meant, but it'd probably offend you anyway) and I don't think you'll mix well as a couple.
Save the pair of you unneeded stress and see if you can come to an agreement to totally ignore each other. Thats going to be hard considering you work together, but thats why I'd never get involved with anyone at work.. its just too messy.
My personal opinion of course.
I know I've been just as much of a bitch as he's been, but the difference is he's trying to ruin my chances of being with anyone else, making my name mud in work etc whereas I'm keeping it just between the two of us.
I don't want a relationship, but I DO want to be friends with him, and I'm not going to just give up on that and ignore him. I can't do it...I'm not the ignoring type.
Good, honest advice though, so thanks.
Otherwise you could always speak to him on his own and ask him straight up what the deal is. Chances are it'd do more good than harm because you'll both clear the air.
Thats what I'd do anyway.. hope you get it all sorted though & you two become mates
I'm supremely bad at voicing what I want to say - it comes out wrong and andy (and everyone else!) usually takes what I'm saying as snidey or bitchy. And I don't want to offend him even more! Lol.
If I just say "whats up with you?!" he'll say something like "nothing's wrong with me..." then ignore me or something. So I knd of need piinters as to where to start...sorry for bieng rubbish
I'd text him (because like you said, it's easier to get things down in writing) but I heard form one of my supervisors at work the other day that andy had been telling her I was texting him. I assume this means he goes around saying "karen's texting me again" everytime I send him a message, which is pretty silly really.
I'm also worried about reinforcing the 'stalker' image he has of me (despite the fact I'm not ACTUALLY stalking him, or if I am I'm the worst one ever! lol).
I won't be seeing him again until Saturday so he should have calmed down a bit by then (as we won't have seen each other for a week) - so I'll just try and be as chatty/friendly as possible. I'll be seeing him at work on sun and monday too so I'll keep the friendliness up and hopefully he'll react well. He should do, I mean ffs the only reason he stopped speaking to me this time is because he heard I liked another bloke! HOW stupid!?
Good call with playing it cool, it'll probably work out in the end.
Scuse me for being thick but...does that mean he hates me? *blushes*
Sorry I was in 'ditz' mode earlier on!
So how did you figure that he likes me?!
If he does then that could work to my advantage, but I don't think he does.
Used to maybe but not now...
If he's still bitter towards you (unless you start getting on again) then that means he's still affected by what you say/do. I mean if some random girl was telling me she fancied other lads I wouldn't give a toss.. but if the love of my life said it to me and/or made it blatent I'd feel a little hurt.
Sorry to keep going on but do you think I SHOULD try and talk to him, or just leave him alone seeing as he's so intent on calling me a stalker (that's the thing that hurt me most btw, but obviously I'm not going to tell him that! lol).
I've never known a guy who's acted so erratically before; maybe all blokes do it but I'm used to men being much more open and upfront - he's been so weird that I don't know how to handle him anymore! Which is whyw I keep asking for advice
Maybe I should just give up on him but I'm not ready to yet...maybe if nothing's improved by the end of next week but until then I'll keep trying.
I reckon you've got the right idea, be more friendly with him and if he still acts immature then leave him to it. I can definitely understand why you're confused though.. I would be too, but the only way you're going to get a definite answer about his actions is to ask him yourself.
No idea how you can ask him that without sounding bitchy though lol, vicious circle eh?
I have no idea why he suddenly started calling me a stalker, I can only assume it's a combination of the note (which I didn't write) and the fact he lives near me and used to walk the dog past his house. I've been walking the dog that way since before he moved in so didn't see any reason to stop - but then he started with the stalker comments so I don't go that way anymore :rolleyes:
I think calling me that is just a way to hurt me tbh. And it's working...