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How to say "i dont wanna move in with you"

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Basically way back in october, me n my friend had made a half arsed attempt at planning to move out, and this girl we had met on our course called "L" says her mum plans on buying a house, therefore we could all move into a 3 bedroom house together.

Til that is, her bf decides to transfer unis and come to Queens. He is constantly around like a bad smell. She won't go out with us anymore unless he comes. Therefore me n nadine have come to the conclusion we'd rather move in with this other girl we met on our course who wuold be paying her own way(we would be paying extra in lauren's house because lauren doesnt have to pay rent) and wouldn't have her b/f round all the time eating our food.

Problem is, how do me and nadine articulate this to her nicely? The fact that she hasn't actually found a house yet, doesn't know what rent would be, and her leeching b/f round constantly means she's a big no-no as far as a housemate is concerned. Is there any way I can tell her this without losing her friendship? She's going to be in most of my classes for the next 3 years!

We've fuond a few 3 bedroom properties and would love to put a deposit down but don't know how to tell lauren this. :no:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you lose your friendship with her by just telling her you changed your mind, then I don't think your friendship was really strong... if it is, just say we thought you would be more comfortable without us around so you can have more private time with your boyfriend and by not moving in with you we would also save some money...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell her you want the security of knowing where you live next year, and that it's stressing you out not knowing. Then tell her you've got a house, but didn't want to just get it without telling her why you were going to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So you don't think it's particularly bitchy of us by changing our minds? We'll need to tell her soon because even though there's little chance of her mother being able to buy a house before summer, she may find something and then we'll be obliged to move in. I just odn't like the idea she'll get to live rent free whilst her b/f stays over practically every night and me n nadine are paynig £200
    grrrrr
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No it's not bitchy at all, it's your own decision and it is not because you don't like her or anything, you just changed your mind, it's your life after all... staying when you know you are going to get pissed off could bring more problems in your friendship with her than tellingher you changed your mind...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what so her mum buys the house? she lives there for free regardless of wether you live there or not and you pay her money?

    its a bit snide to be proffiting off your mate, you think she'd just let u pay bills and stuff
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    melanie wrote:
    what so her mum buys the house? she lives there for free regardless of wether you live there or not and you pay her money?

    :yeees: yep. When someone else says it out loud it makes me feel stupid.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no nothing wrong with it at all. when i was at uni me and some of my mates had similar problems. we just told the other person. This happens so much at uni i wouldn't worry about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i had a similar situation apart rom the guy i didn't want to live with had been a flat mate of mine for 4yrs, we were really good friends but i just couldn't take the mess ........etc.
    I just said "look i am looking to move out and get a place with x and x" and he was ok as i gave him lots of notice and if she asks why say what NihilisticMadman suggested.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    scytherchick wrote:
    :yeees: yep. When someone else says it out loud it makes me feel stupid.

    sorry didnt mean to, i just thort that i had read it wrong because profiting off your mates seems a bit mean,

    would she get the money or her mum?

    i personally wouldnt live there as things could get a bit funny and personal with late rent or broken things as your not just arandomer that she's letting to (im not suggesting that your a bad flatmate just that these things do sometimes happen) also it could turn into a "you owe my mum money" type situation.

    as for how to broch the subject, im not to sure, personally i'd probably nice it up a bit as you dont want to loose a friend over it, burt other than that im not much help sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont worry I wasn't making out you personally make me feel silly lol. Her mum is looking to buy the house, for lauren. Therefore we would be paying off her mortgage. Lauren will inherit the house once she graduates. So in effect, lauren gets a free ride for 3 years. Thanks for everyones input, I feel less like a bitch now. I really do have a problem with her not paying rent and knowing her bf will be round everyday eating our fucking food.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand how you feel about her boyfriend being around and eatting your food, if he is not willing to put money into the pot so to speak, as I'm coming up to the end of my final, and at times it has been hard budget.

    My uni always wanted use to pay our deposit for our rent for the coming year during the summer holidays, so you either have to borrow off your parent's which for some student's was difficult or you have to make sure you had enough left over from the year before.

    Best advice be honest with her, tell har as soon as possible, so that she will have time to make other arrangements/find other people to share with. If she does not have to pay any rent, then surely she could put extra money into the 'pot' for shared expenses to cover what her boyfreind will use or ask him to pay into it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you dont want to offend her you could always buy your own stuff and make it quite clear that it is yours and no one elses
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A mutual big mouthed friend let it slip to her and now she thinks we were all conspiring against her. Damnit! Well we're ringing her tonight to explain :rolleyes: Thanks again everyone for the advice!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in a similar posn, I don't want to move in with someone I planned to because it's emerged he has a self-harm problem and I know I can't support him as I should if I live with him. I think it will hurt us both but I dunno how to tell him...

    Sorry for thread hijack, I think you need to tell your friend sooner rather than later so that she can find new lodgers. :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    scytherchick wrote:
    A mutual big mouthed friend let it slip to her and now she thinks we were all conspiring against her. Damnit! Well we're ringing her tonight to explain :rolleyes: Thanks again everyone for the advice!

    well atleast it saved you telling her i suppose
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