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Totally confused, advice needed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all, hope you can offer some advice as i;m going out of mind about the situation.
I'm 27 and a girl i have always liked at work , 6 months ago, she started sending me text messages saying that she really liked me , the problem being she was in a relationship, albeit a very unhappy one. however i never placed any pressure on her and totally understood her situation
Texts continued and emails at work, telling me she wanted to finish her relationship and get with me, it was just making the move, no kids or mortgage was involved. so it became a straight choice, she said she was desperate to spend some quality time with me and arranged several nights/days out which she cancelled as she worried about her boyfriend finding out.
I was receiving upto 20 text messages a day, some at 6am as soon as she got up and email on arrival at work and eventually on valentines day we shared our first kiss and the very next night we had our first night out too, got on famously and she came back to work telling all her friends what great company i was and she was totally smitten. she even told her parents and family about how she had met the perfect man.
A month later she actually left her boyfriend, however since then the texts have stopped, no emails, no calls, if i send her a text its either not answered or replied back to in a non loving manner, she goes as far as to say she has had other offers from men and has become very secrative over what she is doing.
Basically after being the perfect catch to her, she has come out of her relationship and totally ignored me, but also to the point of winding me up and saying she has plenty of male interest, i have asked her out to talk things through, but that has been ignored. it is now 6 weeks since she left her relationship and not a single night/day out.
I feel used as to she needed attention while in a shit relationship and now she is out, she intends to see what offers come along. I understand she shouldn't rush into anything so soon after the end of her relationship but she gone so far backwards with me its untrue
has anyone experienced anything like this, or can add some much needed advice, tonight for example 3 texts from me 4 hours ago, not a single reply.
Is she just a using bitch or have i done something wrong
I'm 27 and a girl i have always liked at work , 6 months ago, she started sending me text messages saying that she really liked me , the problem being she was in a relationship, albeit a very unhappy one. however i never placed any pressure on her and totally understood her situation
Texts continued and emails at work, telling me she wanted to finish her relationship and get with me, it was just making the move, no kids or mortgage was involved. so it became a straight choice, she said she was desperate to spend some quality time with me and arranged several nights/days out which she cancelled as she worried about her boyfriend finding out.
I was receiving upto 20 text messages a day, some at 6am as soon as she got up and email on arrival at work and eventually on valentines day we shared our first kiss and the very next night we had our first night out too, got on famously and she came back to work telling all her friends what great company i was and she was totally smitten. she even told her parents and family about how she had met the perfect man.
A month later she actually left her boyfriend, however since then the texts have stopped, no emails, no calls, if i send her a text its either not answered or replied back to in a non loving manner, she goes as far as to say she has had other offers from men and has become very secrative over what she is doing.
Basically after being the perfect catch to her, she has come out of her relationship and totally ignored me, but also to the point of winding me up and saying she has plenty of male interest, i have asked her out to talk things through, but that has been ignored. it is now 6 weeks since she left her relationship and not a single night/day out.
I feel used as to she needed attention while in a shit relationship and now she is out, she intends to see what offers come along. I understand she shouldn't rush into anything so soon after the end of her relationship but she gone so far backwards with me its untrue
has anyone experienced anything like this, or can add some much needed advice, tonight for example 3 texts from me 4 hours ago, not a single reply.
Is she just a using bitch or have i done something wrong
0
Comments
Your mistake was in getting involved in someone who was going out with someone else, and assuming that they wouldn't just find someone else whilst with you, too.
Anyway from the sounds of it, you won't get anywhere by sending more texts and making more contact. If you want to get this girl's attention back you'll have to play games yourself and ignore her. But it's not worth it.
Do you still this person at work everyday? Does it make things awkward?
mystify my soul, yes i do see her at work everday and things are somewhat awkward, we have to have a fair bit of professional contact but thats all she will allow now, if she wants something doing at work she is friendly but if i try and talk to her on another level she itches to get away and becomes a totally different girl to the one of two months ago.
I asked her by text the other day what had happened and that i was feeling a bit hurt and couldn;t understand if i had done something wrong, she has still not bothered to reply to that one, two months ago she was planning that in a years time we would be living together and having great christmas times and birthdays, holidays etc( although she was in the comfort of her relationship then)
She has always told me how she is never short on offers, and that she loves mirrors as she can spend hours looking at herself
The way she is acting could all be due to a number of things…
Like others have suggested, her time with you could’ve just been the confidence booster that she needed to leave her boyfriend – this doesn’t necessarily mean that the feelings were not real at the time though, or that all along she was ‘using you’, she probably didn’t know that this was what it was.
Now that she left her boyfriend, I am sure that she needs time to adjust.. because of the whole break-up thing, I am sure she is upset about it even if the rlship wasn’t going so well (of course this still doesn’t explain why she wont talk to you at all)
And about the talking about other male interest.. well u don’t mention how long she was in a relationship for but if it was a long time, maybe she is just enjoying the feeling of being single for once, and getting male attention – maybe now that she is single from her boyfriend, the thought of going straight into something serious with you is kinda scary…
I would say try again to get her to meet up just to talk about how things are going for her after the break–up (without putting too much pressure on her to give u an answer about what she wants from you straight away), if you were quite close before, it seems she should be able to tell you how she is feeling and maybe why she hasn’t been talking to you much lately.. if you get no response at all or she is not willing to do this, then I would back off and leave her to it - hopefully either she will deal with her shit and realise she wants you after all, or you will both move on in different directions amicably.
I'd just stop texting from now on, and even if she texts you, don't text back. Its only what she did to you afterall.