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Mate problem rant
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so i got this new mate who lives next door to me. He's got so many different issues, such as self-harming, drinking, his ex partner, gambling etc. When he's not drinking, he's safe and I enjoy spending time with him but, he has become really clingy and I have found myself not being his friend but virtually looking after him.
So today is his birthday and he decides to wake me up at the ungodly hour of 7am, screaming my name, banging my door and saying "wake up, its my b-day." And this put me in a very bad mood because I don't like to be up if I dont really need to or if I dont have anything planned. (I was going to buy him a card and a cake earlier in the day).
Anyway, I told him about this and he apologised. It took me ages to be ok with it, but i went out to get him his card and sort out a couple of things in town, while he gambled and went for a drink.
Basically, I feel shitty and I really want to be left alone to be honest as I really am not in the birthday celebration mood. Now he's gone and brought me gifts because "he likes me" and I can't accept it because I really dont think gifts are the answer to this mess. Im really tired and I have spent the last two months looking after him when he's down, listening to his problems, advising him on what to do when he's in a rut, lending him money and now I just want some peace and quiet.
Ok, so i did say he could talk to me when he has his problems, but I got problems of my own and I don't think I can deal with his at the moment. I just want to know if I am being unreasonable.
So today is his birthday and he decides to wake me up at the ungodly hour of 7am, screaming my name, banging my door and saying "wake up, its my b-day." And this put me in a very bad mood because I don't like to be up if I dont really need to or if I dont have anything planned. (I was going to buy him a card and a cake earlier in the day).
Anyway, I told him about this and he apologised. It took me ages to be ok with it, but i went out to get him his card and sort out a couple of things in town, while he gambled and went for a drink.
Basically, I feel shitty and I really want to be left alone to be honest as I really am not in the birthday celebration mood. Now he's gone and brought me gifts because "he likes me" and I can't accept it because I really dont think gifts are the answer to this mess. Im really tired and I have spent the last two months looking after him when he's down, listening to his problems, advising him on what to do when he's in a rut, lending him money and now I just want some peace and quiet.
Ok, so i did say he could talk to me when he has his problems, but I got problems of my own and I don't think I can deal with his at the moment. I just want to know if I am being unreasonable.
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Comments
I know what you mean though, I've been with people in a relationship sense who're like that and they've literally got nothing else to say other than woe is me. Sometimes it even felt like I was in the relationship to make up the numbers and it was all about the other person and their misery and I was too nice to make a fuss about it because I thought that was part of my duty.
You've a right to tell him just to cool it.
Anyway, I think you need to be firm and honest really. You don't want to upset the guy anymore than you absolutely have to, but tell him he needs to back down a bit and maybe point him in the direction of professional help?