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making eye contact

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
when it comes to meeting people, i know that eye contact is generally very important because it signals to the person in question that you like them.

but i just cant!! theres boys i like/like the look of all the time but im too shy to get it across that i like them. even with silly things like eye contact or at the very least saying hello!!

how do i get over this?!! i always think that if i look at someone and try to get it across that i like them, the boy in question is going to be thinking "why is that freaky girl looking at me like that. there is NO way that id want to be with her."

i guess its just my low self esteem and appearance that has made me think like this :( i cant help but feel like noone out there will like me because im not interesting, pretty, or nice enough to be with.

dont get me wrong, ive been with guys before but practically on all of these occasions i have been drunk (or at least slightly tipsy). when im drunk my confidence is soo much higher. i just wish i was like that normally.
i just find it hard

bleh. just thought id get that out. probably not much you can say to this, but its been bothering me for ages so i thought id write on here :) plus a close friend of mine has just got into a relationship and im feeling a bit... hmm.. jealous really cuz i naver have.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,you sound like the female version of me!!(apart from being with someone when drunk,I havent got there yet).
    I know what you mean about trying to make eye contact but not being able to and expecting the person you fancy to just think "why is that ugly,freak loser looking at me,I hope I never go anywhere near him" type stuff.
    But lately I have much improved the self deprecation by when a bad thought comes along just trying to reverse it and think the opposite..........extreeeeeeeeeeeemmmeeely hard I know. :banghead:
    But worth the effort methinks. :thumb:
    Just take it slowly and keep working on ignoring bad thoughts and turning them round one at a time and try to keep yourself occupied as well.Singing my favourite song in my head always helps me too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be perfectly honest, i dont really think anything if somebody catches my eye.
    If i think they are attractive then i'd probably smile or something but if i didnt i wouldnt say anything i would just probably not even notice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont make eye contact and I dont like when people do to me. I just get all ackward looking directly at somebody. I'm one of those people that will look at your forehead during a conversation. It looks like your looking at them without the mess :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol i catch girls eyes all the time on the dlr to work in the mornings gives me something to do, tricky part is how long can you hold it before you look away.......ha that makes me sound like a perv, but it's not just me, half the time i catch them eyeing me up it's just human nature........and it makes the journey go quicker as well.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Eye contact is overrated. Half the time us lads don't realise what it can mean anyway. Like has been said a few times on here, lads don't do subtlety - we are generally crap at recognising the little signs and signals girls put out! I remember this one night in the pub where me and a mate were playing a games machine and every time i looked round i caught this girls eye. I thought nothing of it, then she came over and said 'are you gonna be long on there cus i'm waiting to play' and i said come join us if you like. So she did, and she kept tapping me on the arm and stuff, she talked to me every time and never to my mate and we kept making eye contact. Literally, about three months later i was thinking about that night, and it dawned on me that she might have liked me! That's guys for you....!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Senor Miguel wrote:
    lol i catch girls eyes all the time on the dlr to work in the mornings gives me something to do, tricky part is how long can you hold it before you look away.......ha that makes me sound like a perv, but it's not just me, half the time i catch them eyeing me up it's just human nature........and it makes the journey go quicker as well.
    Do you have several women perched on your bonnet or something?!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He probably gets the train/bus otherwise yeah that'd be rather dangerous... Talking about taking your eyes of the road!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can only cope with a small amount of eye contact. anymore and I go all 'giggly schoolgirl'
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Eye contact's just friendly, that's what does my head in about it. You can't tell just from eye contact whether someone likes you, because outgoing people usually keep eye contact for a while, so they might just be being friendly. But I'd say if you hold someone's gaze for slightly longer than normal at the end of a bit of conversation, then that's usually a sign.

    To the topic starter, I'd say just do it. As you can tell, most blokes don't have a clue anyway, so they might just think you're being friendly which is good anyway. Unless you actually stare at them through the whole conversation then they're not going to think you're creepy. And so what if they do think you fancy them? The worst is it'll give them a little ego boost because someone fancies them, and at best, they'll ask you out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    folkrocker wrote:
    He probably gets the train/bus otherwise yeah that'd be rather dangerous... Talking about taking your eyes of the road!
    Docklands Light Railway - runs in East London

    I agree, eye contact alone doesn't count for anything if you don't take it further.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there Soraliah,
    Remember that eye contact can mean different things to other people especially if they are from a different culture, background or upbringing. Yes it is thought that eye contact signifies interest, but it is not the 'be all and end all' of body language. There are several other ways to illustrate your interest.
    There is also a trick that you can use if you still want to seem like your making eye contact, just look at them on the forehead just above the nose, it looks like you are making eye contact when you're not. :thumb:

    hope it works out ;)
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