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Freezing up: A confidence issue
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi.
I could really use some advice. Recently i've .. changed and for the better. For the last few years i've been building up my confidence and trying to be myself around everyone. I used to be very shy and rather withdrawn, i literally was the person sitting in the corner hoping not to get noticed.
Anyway recently i've felt a huge boost in my confidence and felt i can be myself and not be shy anymore around people which is a fantastic achievement for me however i have come across a small problem. Sometime's i seem to ... freeze up, It's like all my confidence and all the hard work i've put into being myself has been sucked out of me and I become afraid almost held back you could say. Afraid in the sense that i'm scared to speak or move or do anything basically.
It annoys me because I've done so well and i cannot explain why this issue is happening. Let me give you an example, and it may seem stupid and trivial to you but to me it doesnt feel that way. This evening i was supposed to go and play football with workmates, upon getting to the park I noticed a small group of people kicking a ball about, from a distance i couldnt really tell if it was them but rather than go across and see if it was them I froze up inside [I had friends with me & started making excuses as to why i wouldn't go over, something that got me a barrage of verbal abuse] I felt too scared to go over and just see if it was my workmates.
I know it doesn't sound like much of a problem but it's getting to me. Without this little niggle everything would be plain sailing, but as it just happens out of the blue very randomly i don't know how to fix it. The stupid thing about it is I'm comfortable meeting someone for the first time whoi met online, but i can't even approach people i am supposedto work with. For the record i found out it was actually them. I'm going to get some stick for this tomorrow.
I hope i have explained it enough for someone/people to be able to give me advice on.
What do i do to fix it?
Thanks.
I could really use some advice. Recently i've .. changed and for the better. For the last few years i've been building up my confidence and trying to be myself around everyone. I used to be very shy and rather withdrawn, i literally was the person sitting in the corner hoping not to get noticed.
Anyway recently i've felt a huge boost in my confidence and felt i can be myself and not be shy anymore around people which is a fantastic achievement for me however i have come across a small problem. Sometime's i seem to ... freeze up, It's like all my confidence and all the hard work i've put into being myself has been sucked out of me and I become afraid almost held back you could say. Afraid in the sense that i'm scared to speak or move or do anything basically.
It annoys me because I've done so well and i cannot explain why this issue is happening. Let me give you an example, and it may seem stupid and trivial to you but to me it doesnt feel that way. This evening i was supposed to go and play football with workmates, upon getting to the park I noticed a small group of people kicking a ball about, from a distance i couldnt really tell if it was them but rather than go across and see if it was them I froze up inside [I had friends with me & started making excuses as to why i wouldn't go over, something that got me a barrage of verbal abuse] I felt too scared to go over and just see if it was my workmates.
I know it doesn't sound like much of a problem but it's getting to me. Without this little niggle everything would be plain sailing, but as it just happens out of the blue very randomly i don't know how to fix it. The stupid thing about it is I'm comfortable meeting someone for the first time whoi met online, but i can't even approach people i am supposedto work with. For the record i found out it was actually them. I'm going to get some stick for this tomorrow.
I hope i have explained it enough for someone/people to be able to give me advice on.
What do i do to fix it?
Thanks.
0
Comments
Out of interest what did you do to get this boost of confidence?Can you tell me cos I could really use some right about now.........
Just think of your achievements you know yourself how far you have come so why should solving this little niggle be any different?
IMO and I think you'll agree it seems to be a build up of fear causing this but you should ask yourself: whats the worst that can happen if you do 'freeze up'? The answer is nothing, nothing will happen and probably the people around you wont even notice. Once you get over the fear of the freeze up happening and once you realise that even if it does it isn't that bad, it will stop happening all together.
I hope this helps. x
I'm like you, I've built my confidence up from nothing, and I can do loads of things I wouldn't have dreamed of three years ago. But I still hate it when I'm by myself meeting mates in the pub, I'm still scared of them not being there and looking like a berk. It's human I think.
Just concentrate on the positives.
It happened today a few time's, probably because i've becmore more and more aware of it again. It really disappoint's me when it happen's. the thing is that when it happen's i find it difficult to do anything but just freeze up. When it happened today i felt like it was a fear, holding me back .. maybe .. but i don't know what the fear is.
Is it the fear of making a fool of myself? if it is, why? because this confidence boost makes me feel like, simply put i don't give two monkeys except again when i freeze up that completely changes to the opposite.
I know it's silly letting it bother me but when you've been like i was and had to push yourself to grow as a person and become happy with yourself, when it all completely vanishes it becomes a problem, one i don't want.
Hopefully in time i won't let it bother me and i will stop freezing up like this.
The thing is though, this is what i do, except .. i actually do believe i am the shit, all those time's of telling me to believe in myself finally paid off
Anyway, i do that but i still find these time's paticularly of late where i just lose the whole lot. I'm pretty sure now that it is out of fear. So the quest now is to completely get rid of this fear.
Going to stop mulling over the why's and start acting on it.
I guess this is just a small blip on my road to boosting confidence and maintaining it.
It's like if you were on a high building and suddenly looked down and said "Shit I'm high, how the fuck did I get here!?" so you get a bit dizzy and scared to fall. So much you freeze sometimes. But it's just craving your security blanket, which in this case is the lower parts of the building, the ones you were familiar with - where there was no risk of falling but also lesser chance to be happy.
It's only natural. You'll get the hang of being at the top of the building sooner or later, don't worry about it. You just need to get familiarized with the territory.