Grr

Former Member · April 2006

Okay this is a long running problem. I'll try and explain it as best as I can. I have this friend who after a while developed a crush on me. I didn't feel the same way and he was always questioning why. I don't have a clear answer as to why I don't like him in that way and to be honest dont feel I should have to explain myself.

Anywaaay, this carried on for a while and then he appeared to get over me. This is going to sound bigheaded but I'm just stating a fact. He relies on me for a social life. I'm his only friend. He's depressed, dropped out of uni and no matter how many times I try and help him and be there for him he just won't do anything. He is so apathetic about anything it just frustrates me and I'm begining to hate him for it.

I've attempted to take the selfish route and dump him as a friend thinking it would be better in the long term but he just sends me guilt trip emails reminding me of all the fun times we've had together. We usually fall out online too which isn't exactly the best method of communication.

Yknow when you're in an msn conversation and it just sorta dies? Well it's like that. Its natural. But he'll send me a message on msn ten minutes later all smug 'Some conversation...' and blame me and accuse me of ignoring him.

On Friday night we had a mahoosive arguement at a club. He was the designated driver for the night and had drank 3 drinks. I chose not to accept a lift back home from him. I wasn't nasty about it. I offered to pay for a taxi for all of us instead because I didn't feel comfortable accepting a lift from him. He went off in one. Yelled at me and said it was an issue of 'trust'.

Today I really couldn't be bothered with his moodswing. I'm trying to think what is best for me for a change. He threw a dramatic strop and decided to come to my house today to 'return' my book and he did. I told my mum I didn't want to see him and so she just let him back out again. His behaviour just freaks me out sometimes. His moodswings.

Has anyone got any advice?

Former Member · April 2006

He needs to grow up and in order for him to do that he needs to learn the lesson that if he acts so immature then he will lose a friendship

People like that will never change so long as others tolerate them. They are annoying and attention seeking.

Former Member · April 2006

It's really difficult to seperate myself from him completely. Only one of my friends seem to understand how bad his behaviour is. It's really stressing me out. Last time I cut off all ties he hacked into my myspace account and msn.

Former Member · April 2006

Rachael wrote:

It's really difficult to seperate myself from him completely. Only one of my friends seem to understand how bad his behaviour is. It's really stressing me out. Last time I cut off all ties he hacked into my myspace account and msn.

What?!

Seriously, he's gone too far already. What a nutcase. Do you mean actually hacked, or just guessed the password?

I'd suggest changing all your passwords to something completely impossible to guess (a mixture of random letters and numbers), and have a different password for every account.

Each time he goes off on one, just ignore him. Dont deliberately be negative to him because that will just re-enforce his behaviour.

He will soon realise that being so pathetic will get him nowhere and that you dont tolerate people like that.

Former Member · April 2006

He guessed my passwords. Kinda my own fault I guess. I didnt tell him or anything but it was a pet name. Doh!

I've changed them now. Despite what he does he is a cool chappy with a wicked sense of humour just he gets me down. I really can't be doing with that.

Thanks for your advice.

Former Member · April 2006

i had a friend who had both of their legs broken by a drink driver

to be honest i want that guys address so i can go around and bray the living hell out of him, theres no excuse for drink driving at all, regardless of if you get away with it or not

its neither big nor clever, not even for the person that gets crushed by the tonne of car that hits them, the passengers in said car, or the passengers in any cars that might be hit

Former Member · April 2006

Tbh I dont even think he was drunk but drunk or not it will take you longer to react right?

Usually he has one drink, then drives us home so his arguement was that I had never had a problem with it before.

Former Member · April 2006

while i cant argue with someone who is under the limit, you have more than one drink, and you say you are ok to drive, then the person in question is both full of shit and disgusting

1 drink isnt too far from 2 drinks, which is only one away from 3........etc etc

theres no excuse, if you are driving, by all means have one, but no more than that

Former Member · April 2006

good on you rachael for not being talked into getting a lift with him.

Former Member · April 2006

Thankyou. I was made to look like I was being 'rude' to him :rolleyes: Anyway, I got a lift home with someone who had only just passed their test and had been on water all night. Got home safely only to find my 'friend' waiting outside my house apparently returning my coat.

Former Member · April 2006

rude eh, well he's not much of a friend for being prepared to put friends lives at risk, let alone trying to convince you and then calling you rude just because you have common sense!

Ive got no tolerance for drink drivers and reckless drivers and the rest. They need a good kick up the backside to realise they are playing with lives and that driving is not a game.

Unfortunatly it often takes an accident before people realise

Former Member · April 2006

Blah wrote:

Unfortunatly it often takes an accident before people realise

and unfortunately its often too late for them to realise, the only justice in cases where people are killed by drink drivers, is where the offender gets nightmares every night, and wakes up in cold sweats

Former Member · April 2006

God, you need your space from this guy! You aren't a couple, but he behaves as though you were one... I mean, going to return your things (book, whatever) to your house after a fight? C'moooon, who does that?

Do what you have to do to get some space Rach, although prepare to be hated a bit. It definitely sounds as he hasn't fully assumed that you're just a friend though. He'll probably get really pissed when you start putting some distance, but in the long run it'll be better for both of you. I wouldn't drop the friendship entirely though - it would be really sad I think, and maybe it isn't necessary?

Former Member · April 2006

bluewisdom wrote:

God, you need your space from this guy! You aren't a couple, but he behaves as though you were one... I mean, going to return your things (book, whatever) to your house after a fight? C'moooon, who does that?

Do what you have to do to get some space Rach, although prepare to be hated a bit. It definitely sounds as he hasn't fully assumed that you're just a friend though. He'll probably get really pissed when you start putting some distance, but in the long run it'll be better for both of you. I wouldn't drop the friendship entirely though - it would be really sad I think, and maybe it isn't necessary?

Ahh I'm begining to think it is. I sent him an email basically consisting of what I said in my first rant on here and he replied. Here is just a section of it:

And we DIDN'T settle anything, because good old Rachael can't understand anything that isn't from her point of view. It's known as egocentrism. So I HAVE to be the bad guy, no matter how legitimate my reasons, because otherwise there's a conflict in your head that you can't handle. It has to be black or white with you. Just like when you debate and try to completely bring down and discredit the other side of the argument, because you're confined to thinking inside your own turgid box.

Yess I'm so 'turgid'. I GIVE UP :banghead:

Former Member · April 2006

just ignore him completely, seems like the only way you'll ever be able to get through to him. What an arsehole.

Former Member · April 2006

He sounds like a desperately unhappy bloke to be honest. Seems like the relationship you have is upsetting both you and him - for whatever reasons. You say it's the selfish route but probably the kindest thing you could do is walk away. With bit of distance maybe he will be able to sort himself out, and you don't have to end up hating him.

Former Member · April 2006

Thankyou for all the advice everyone. I'm better off without him.

Former Member · April 2006

I think he's bitter because you knocked him back. But I'm assuming that everything was fine before he had a crush on you.

I've been in this sort of situation once and have had mates in similar situations and its very rare for things to go back to normal.

You might aswell just cut things off now, save both of you the grief.. plus I think you'd be doing him a favour in the long run.

Former Member · April 2006

Aspire wrote:

plus I think you'd be doing him a favour in the long run.

Yeah agreed. You giving him the kick might give him the incentive to sort himself out and try and make some new friends etc etc...

Grr

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