A couple of questions

Former Member · April 2006

Hey. I have a few questions I wondered if you could help me with?

I haven't really given thought to a relationship before. To be honest up until now I've been more than happy being single. Thing is though I met this girl at college a while back and I really like her. I'm thinking about her a lot as it's the Easter break now and the more time passes the more I miss her.

Here are my questions:

1. How can I tell if she's interested? I got some signs in the past she was, eye contact, often saying hi, upbeat tone of voice etc. But she's like that with a lot of guys and I was wondering if it's just a friendly thing or if it's different towards me? These have faided away a bit and perhaps I've left it a bit late? I'm considering asking her around my house one day, as a friend, to see how it goes and try get some idea of how she sees me. Is that a good idea?

2. How do you actually show a girl you're interested? We're both pretty shy, and though we've known each other a while don't actually know each other that much.

3. What do you do in a relationship? Daft question, but haven't been in that situation before. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship, but more companionship and spending time and sharing things with each other. How's the right way to kiss a girl, and is sex an important part of the relationship as I'm not sure I'm ready?

Too add to the issue there are only 6 weeks of lessons until study leave which might be my last chance to see her. In the past I've asked, as a friend, if we could swap phone numbers or use MSN but she didn't like the idea (by her tone of voice I'd say that was to being shy as a pose to not wanting me to have it).

She's so great, I'd kick myself if I miss this chance.

Thanks a lot for your time. :thumb:

Former Member · April 2006

Well, that's a lot of questions really! Hard to know where to start...

OK, first of all, I think it's an excellent idea that you want to approach her and invite her round to your house - but I'd recommend inviting her somewhere else first tbh, like for coffee or drinks. Or maybe you want to start a little more casual, if you go to college together maybe having lunch together or hanging out with friends. A public, neutral place to start off with. If you don't know each other that much inviting her to your house would maybe seem a little forward. You can invite her to your place if you're having a party or getting together with friends or something like that, asking her if she would like to drop by... but not on other circumstances I can think of.

Second, telling if she's interested or not... well that is very difficult, people deal with that sort of thing every day. Many times it just means asking them up front in the end - but for now I'd concentrate mainly in trying to spend time together, having fun and getting to know each other. If she accepts your invitations and generally seems interested in spending time with you, then you're on the right track. The subtlety comes later. It does have to do with eye contact as you said and other body language... but generally I'd say follow your gut feeling. Your instinct should tell you as much. And maybe a friend of yours who you can confide in and has seen you together can also give you his/her perspective. But there is no easy way to tell, most of the time you just have to take the plunge.

Third - about what to do in a relationship... well, if you've gotten this far, then the same you have been doing up till that moment: going out, spending time together and generally keeping each other company. Also being there to support one another, much as friends do. It's exactly how you put it yourself: "companionship and spending time and sharing things with each other". Some relationships tend to be more sexual than others, but that's up to both of you really, about what makes you comfortable. Sex is pretty important in a relationship, but I mean it in the wider sense of the word - not just sexual intercourse, but all kinds of ways you show affection with your body. Like kissing, caressing, even hugging. But don't worry so much about these things - they'll come to you naturally as you get closer. Again, just follow your instinct.

Good luck, and you can always come back if you need further advice

**helen** · April 2006

Hey Joe - welcome to the boards :wave:

Bluewisdom has given some fab advice, especially to question number three. I'm just gonna give you some suggestions for articles to read on TheSite relating to your other two questions

Average Joe wrote:

1. How can I tell if she's interested? I got some signs in the past she was, eye contact, often saying hi, upbeat tone of voice etc. But she's like that with a lot of guys and I was wondering if it's just a friendly thing or if it's different towards me? These have faided away a bit and perhaps I've left it a bit late? I'm considering asking her around my house one day, as a friend, to see how it goes and try get some idea of how she sees me. Is that a good idea?

you've got the right idea about body language, but have a look at this article to get a clearer idea - it also backs up what bluewisdom said about trusting your instincts

Average Joe wrote:

2. How do you actually show a girl you're interested? We're both pretty shy, and though we've known each other a while don't actually know each other that much.

Flirting is the key - have a look here for tips to overcome shyness. Particularly the paragraphs at the bottom.

Good luck

Former Member · April 2006

Thanks for your help. I might ask her after class one day then if she wants to go to the canteen?

If she says no then that's fair enough. Can't hurt to ask.

Former Member · April 2006

Just try and include her in stuff you're doing, like "a few of us are going into town at lunch time. D'you wanna come?" Invite her to parties or ask her if she's going out round town then ask her to text so you can meet up. If she's shy, a one-on-one thing might be a bit intense even if she does like you, so just hang around in a group til you're a bit surer.

A couple of questions

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