Confusion RE: Boyfriend

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  Gaz_182 wrote:

  Well, I've been going out with this guy for about 3 weeks now. He is really sweet and seems totally into me, but I am not sure if he is for me. We were pretty good friends before this, and I'm afraid that breaking up with him would destroy the relationship we had prior. I don't want to lead him on anymore either, so I'm really, totally, completely confused as to what I should do. To dump, or not to dump? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of a relationship I'm not really into... Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?
  
  Sorry about that little Hamlet ramble... In closing: Help!

  
  Well there's no way you can stay in a relationship you don't want to be in, it just won't work and if you carry this on, you'll only hurt him even more in the end. You just gotta break the news to him gently, explain that you never meant to hurt him or lead him along and tell him you hope you can still be friends. Don't be surprised if he's a bit angry or hurt at first, but i'm pretty sure he'll probably come round in time.....

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  Or........... Have you tried talking to him exactly how you feel and seeing if you can "positivly" change anything??
  
  Just be honust with him.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  Yeah just talk it over with him, if things cant change and your still not happy then you can break up with him, at least it wont be a complete surprise to him then either.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  You sound very confused, and to be honest it's not something we can tell you what to do about.
  
  Do you fancy the boy?
  
  If you do, you're alright. If you don't, you're not. You can't have a relationship without sex.
  
  Why do you immediately think about the ending? Are you scared to commit to this boy? You might split up and lose his friendship, but you might not- you might end up with him forever.
  
  You need to work out if you're scared of commitment. Have you been hurt before? If you're not scared of a relationship, do you find the boy sexually attractive?

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  kermit's right, you need to decide how you feel+what you want. If you deicde you dont want to be in the relationship, then better to be honest with him now+tell him, than let it drag out for months, cos that would be more likely to affect your friendship!

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  Argh! I'm even more confused than before.... Sometimes I really do like him, then half an hour later I don't even want to speak to him. The fact that I'm already having doubts tells me that something is wrong here. How is a relationship going to work if I go hot/cold on him all the time?

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  obviously we don't know you or this lad, but in my opinion in the first three weeks of the relationship you should still be in the lovey dovey stages, that most relationships have to start with. Maybe because you were friends before, your just scared that if it goes wrong you will lose him completely and lose what you had before. Taking friendship to the next level is a huge step for any couple. I think you really need to work out what it is you really feel though, not just for his sake, but for your own as well.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  March 2006

  I think you should wait out and try to make it work. being together is different from being friends. 3 weeks is still early days...try working at it. if after a set amount of time (6 weeks) you feel the same then its best if you break up with him

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