Abuse? I'm not sure

Former Member · March 2006

This is going to sound stupid and I'm just writing it to sound off really because I've never spoken about it to anyone and I'm anonymous here.

I don't know if I was abused by my best friends brother when I was a child. I know its pathetic but I don't know if anything happened..

The only thing I know for sure is that when I was about 6/7 and he was about 13 he used to take me under his covers in his bedroom (it was just once or twice I think) I have no memory at all of what went on but recently its unsettled me.

I know there is no advice anyone can offer since I've given no information but I just wanted to type it 'out loud' so to speak.

Wow, my threads are quite depressing. Sorry people.

Former Member · March 2006

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo wrote:

I don't know if I was abused by my best friends brother when I was a child. The only thing I know for sure is that when I was about 6/7 and he was about 13 he used to take me under his covers in his bedroom (it was just once or twice I think) I have no memory at all of what went on but recently its unsettled me.

Maybe it's not abuse in the conventional sense of the term. He may well have seen it as some kind of game at the time, but it does seem inappropriate behaviour, whatever may or may not have gone on.

Former Member · March 2006

stargalaxy wrote:

Maybe it's not abuse in the conventional sense of the term. He may well have seen it as some kind of game at the time, but it does seem inappropriate behaviour, whatever may or may not have gone on.

:yes:

Former Member · March 2006

I'm not sure I have the courage to contact those organisations but thanx.

I suppose its just I know that people have gona through all kinds of terrible child abuse and my problem is so slight in comparison.

Dunno what else to say really, thanx

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo wrote:

I'm not sure I have the courage to contact those organisations but thanx. I suppose its just I know that people have gona through all kinds of terrible child abuse and my problem is so slight in comparison.

Bear in mind with most of these organisations, you won't have to give your name. They won't be logging down every detail you give them or anything like that. As for the child abuse, it may have happened, it may not have done, but the fact it's unclear to you suggests something is not right.

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo wrote:

I suppose its just I know that people have gona through all kinds of terrible child abuse and my problem is so slight in comparison.

that's a bit like thinking that you don't need help for your broken ankle just because there are some people on life support machines.

everyone deserves help with a problem that's upsetting them, no matter how big or small the problem or the upset. no one is going to deny you that.

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo wrote:

I'm not sure I have the courage to contact those organisations but thanx.

I suppose its just I know that people have gona through all kinds of terrible child abuse and my problem is so slight in comparison.

Dunno what else to say really, thanx

I had a freind of the family used to make me sleep in his bed with him and i used to be able to feel him against me *shudders* I know its nothing like the abuse some people suffer but it still did my head in for quite a while how somebody would abuse a child in their care, even think of a child in that way, and worried me what he might have done to his own children.
Eventually I had to accept that the past is the past. Its over and i cant change what happened. It was up to me whether i dwelled on it for the rest of my life or not.
I hope you come to terms with it

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo? are you sure you aren't me???a post you made about asking a guy out is the same as me too and now this.

when i was about 8 i had this guy who was about 13 play "games" with me...i know it wasnt serious abuse but it was on some level and as a result of it, i have a lot of deep rooted insecurities about sex and i don't trust people. it affects my self esteem too. i think you would do well to contact one of the previous mentioned organisations and talk about it.

Former Member · March 2006

Just to re-iterate what everyone else has said: if something is causing you problems, then its a problem that needs solving.

Don't feel that you're wasting time because it isn't as "serious" as what other people may have suffered.

Former Member · March 2006

This post has brought to mind some memories. I don't think about it often, in fact, they're at the very back of my mind. But... I get random flashbacks to a time of before I was 8 of being round at the next door neighbours' and a guy showing me what a young girl shouldn't see. I don't think anything happened... I just seem to remember him asking me to touch it or something.

I think I should maybe discuss this with my mum? Maybe just ask who lived next door, and how old the guy was?

Former Member · March 2006

It regularly astounds me the amount of people who have suffered some form of abuse as children. Guess there's less 'normal' people, or rather more worryingly, parents out there than we'd like to think.....

Former Member · March 2006

LeicesterLuke wrote:

It regularly astounds me the amount of people who have suffered some form of abuse as children. Guess there's less 'normal' people, or rather more worryingly, parents out there than we'd like to think.....

Yeah I am always shocked by the number of people who have been abused. I just guess it is more common than we think.

Former Member · March 2006

Schnook wrote:

badgerboo? are you sure you aren't me???a post you made about asking a guy out is the same as me too and now this.

when i was about 8 i had this guy who was about 13 play "games" with me...i know it wasnt serious abuse but it was on some level and as a result of it, i have a lot of deep rooted insecurities about sex and i don't trust people. it affects my self esteem too. i think you would do well to contact one of the previous mentioned organisations and talk about it.

Thanx to everyone who has replied. It is odd that other people have experienced similar things. Rainbowbrite- I think I'm definitely taking a leaf out of your book. x

Schnook- Yeah about the guy thing, I think the post I made about what happened to me as a child did affect me and my attitude to sex. I am very insecure about being intimate with people, oddly the better I know them and the more I like them the more insecure I am. I sometimes just don't feel worthy and maybe think that I deserve to be used.

Anyways this is getting a bit deep now.
I just want to reiterate (sp?) that I'm not all doom and gloom all the time, really!

Former Member · March 2006

YOu learn how to behave when you're young, and children do know what sex is, even if adults don't think they do.

No, I wouldn't have thought you were doom and gloom, but don't just brush over things if they really are causing you trouble with intimacy. Just talking about things makes them seem better sometimes.

Former Member · March 2006

LeicesterLuke wrote:

It regularly astounds me the amount of people who have suffered some form of abuse as children.

Yes, it is astounding, the number is way higher than what people would think. And badgerboo, I'm sure you're not doom and gloom, but it's only normal that these things affect people who have suffered them in the way you explained it has affected you. I have worked with enough children who were victims of abuse to know that. I would strongly advise you to contact an organisation or seek professional help, 'cause what happened to you is unfair - and however mild you consider the consecuences to be, you don't deserve to be living them, end of. Seeking professional help doesn't mean you have to make a big deal about it, it just means that you respect yourself enough to know you deserve the best of help that's out there.

Former Member · March 2006

bluewisdom wrote:

I would strongly advise you to contact an organisation or seek professional help, 'cause what happened to you is unfair - and however mild you consider the consecuences to be, you don't deserve to be living them, end of. Seeking professional help doesn't mean you have to make a big deal about it, it just means that you respect yourself enough to know you deserve the best of help that's out there.

I don't want to say that yes I will take your advice because I just don't think I will, at least not right now. I can't even tell my best friends about it, so I dont think I could tell a stranger or even explain it since I'm not sure what happened. I know thats what the organisations are there for but I'm worried that by talking about it I'm going to make it a bigger issue and build it up, then I'll feel guilty not telling any future partners. It would never end see.

Former Member · March 2006

Badgerboo, you should never put yourself below (or above) other abuse victims. It's how it affects you as an individual that's important. I sympathise with you being worried about telling people about what happened. I spent so many years denying it to myself how could anyone expect me to tell anyone else what happened? But as sonn as I started to accept what had happened to me and started to "own it" it became easier to tell other people. There's only a few people in my life that know and only people I really trust but it helped me enormously just to know that I wasn't carrying it around by myself anymore.

You said that you were worried about building it up to something bigger than it is if you talk to an organisation, but I can't see how you could do that. Everything you say is what happened to you and the fact that it is on your mind shows that it affected you in some way. You wouldn't need to tell any future partners unless you wanted to. It's completely up to you whether o divulge what happened to you to anyone and you shouldn't feel guilty about not telling people.

But I sympathise with how your feeling and can assure you that I have felt and still feel the same as you. It's hard talking about it, but admitting it to yourself is the first step.

Former Member · March 2006

hi there, i found an article that might help put things more in perspective, as well as advise you on this issue , good luck

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo wrote:

I don't want to say that yes I will take your advice because I just don't think I will, at least not right now. I can't even tell my best friends about it, so I dont think I could tell a stranger or even explain it since I'm not sure what happened. I know thats what the organisations are there for but I'm worried that by talking about it I'm going to make it a bigger issue and build it up, then I'll feel guilty not telling any future partners. It would never end see.

I can understand why you would feel this way. Whatever you decide to do though, bare in mind that the nature of sexual abuse itself is confusing. So don't consider yourself any different or any less for feeling that way. Good luck.

Former Member · March 2006

badgerboo wrote:

Schnook- Yeah about the guy thing, I think the post I made about what happened to me as a child did affect me and my attitude to sex. I am very insecure about being intimate with people, oddly the better I know them and the more I like them the more insecure I am. I sometimes just don't feel worthy and maybe think that I deserve to be used.

im exactly the same. dunno how ill overcome it...i havent yet but ill try.

Former Member · March 2006

what was the outcome? Did you get sorted?

Former Member · March 2006

People often remember things that give them an emotional or frightened response. I think you'd be likely to remember if something bad had happened to you or he had made you feel uncomfortable, even though you were 6.

Former Member · March 2006

wendizzle22 wrote:

People often remember things that give them an emotional or frightened response. I think you'd be likely to remember if something bad had happened to you or he had made you feel uncomfortable, even though you were 6.

Good point, I can remember loads about the first day it happened, what i was wearing, what he was wearing, stupid things but can't remember what happened in his bed. His Mum caught us the second/third time and told me to go home, I didn't dare go back to my friends house for weeks incase I got told off.

Like you say though I'm sure I'd remember something awful.

Think I better just draw a line under it all really and get on with life, because really when put into perspective I'm stressing over something that I don't even remember. Its very silly when you think of it like that, even if the worse case scenario did happen. x

Former Member · March 2006

Its possible that if you block something unpleasant out of your life for long enough, that you wont remember.

Just because it was something bad it doesnt mean you have to remember it

Abuse? I'm not sure

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