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am i being selfish?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My parents have separated (still married though) and by the sounds of things my dads been having dates and stuff with women. And one of them chasing him is pregnant (not his kid). Thing is...my dads really good with small kids so women with youngish kids are going to be interested. I'm sort of worried that he's going to get with someone who's going to basically expect him to be a dad to her kids. I mean, i wouldn't mind him being a sort of parent to them but i wouldn't like them calling him 'dad' or her to want him to spend more time with her and her kids because he's with her.
I'm probably being paranoid and selfish it's just crossed my mind that it might happen. I already said i wouldn't be too comfortable with step siblings that were really young....but i feel selfish cause i'm meant to accept it all and everything but i know i'll probably have issues.
Anyone been in a similar situation or suggestions?
I'm probably being paranoid and selfish it's just crossed my mind that it might happen. I already said i wouldn't be too comfortable with step siblings that were really young....but i feel selfish cause i'm meant to accept it all and everything but i know i'll probably have issues.
Anyone been in a similar situation or suggestions?
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yes you are
Ballerina, no it's not selfish, it is understandable but as lucifer says it's not like he's going to want to start being a father to someone else's kids any time soon.
tasty though.
ballerina, its only natural, see how it plays out, if it starts developing then speak to your dad about it as im sure you're his most important priority
Eh?
If you are referring to the previous poster, she was saying that the people who have offered Ballerina advice are right, not that was Ballerina was feeling was right....
And to stick on topic, Ballerina hun, it really is a natural reaction.... my cousin recently confessed her plan for murdering her dads new fiancee in her sleep.... and even that didn't worry us. It's natural to want your mummy and your daddy just ofr yourself.
Personally, I don't know your family, but I'd assume that at your age (your 16 yes?) he's going to think of you more towards the young adult stage and keep you informed about anything like that, and include you when the time comes. I don't think he'll just rush into it either.
And no. Your not being selfish
Then he met and married my stepmother, who has no children. They have not had any children together. But I hate her and the feeling is mutual. I would much rather he had married the woman with the child. I was worrying about the wrong thing, as it turned out, and I know I would've got over it, even as a 7 year old.
Oh yes, he knows alright. He sided with her at worst and just stayed out of it and let her carry on at best. I haven't seen either of them for years.
I don't know why she never liked me, but she just didn't. That's it really. I didn't hate her on sight, but I was afraid of her as a child and I hate her now for the way she treated me.
What is important is how your balance your wants against those of others - if you were to try to stop him getting together with someone else just because of what you want, then that would be unreasonably selfish, which is a bad thing.
Unfortunately, if he does set up in another familly, he will see those children a lot more often, and will give them more attention, and you will feel he loves them more than you. BUT it is exceedingly unlikely he will stop loving you.
Sorry, this is not a happy answer.
If he sets up family with someone else- you will see him less, he will see them more it's true, but this will happen anyway as you go on to further education/ a job and move out. Remember that him creating another family will never take away your happy childhood.
Hopefully you will get on with his future family, think positively - you could gain more family to love and to love you... You will be a big sister to any future kids he has (by blood or otherwise), you know he's a good Dad, you can be a great big sister too, somone for these (as yet imaginary) new siblings to look up to!
dont stress- he'll always love you, and i'm sure if you take a mature attitude to anyone he gets involved with then they wont react like an evil stepmother character, i know my dad really regrets all the time he spent living abroad, which let me and my sister grow away from him, he still wants both of us to be part of his family, i cant imagine many men feeling any different about their children
But nobody's right all the time, mistakes are part of being human. If we didn't make mistakes we wouldn't grow. If we didn't feel selfishness, fear, hatred... Anything that isn't considered a desirable feeling then how will we ever know when we're truely happy?
My parents divorced when I was around ten years old and my mother has had two partners since then, one whom she is now happily married to. My father is still with his partner who he probably cheated on Mum with but that doesn't matter to me, his happiness is what matters even though sometimes it hurts. It took me such a long time to accept that, I used to be quite nasty to my Mother's partners because I didn't feel in control, it was change that I wasn't used to and therefor was outside my comfort zone.
If you are to live with your mother you will see your father less, but that will not stop you from loving him and he will love you just as much. Nothing can replace that because no matter what, he is still your father and you are still his daughter. If anything, the time you will spend together will be so much more worth it and you will have more to talk about.