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It just won't happen
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
(Deep Breath)
Ok, embarrassing as it is, I can't make love to my new girlfriend. No matter how amount of patience is solving this problem. Basically the erection is not coming and if it does it only lasts a few seconds. First time nerves you might think but thats the thing, it doesn't bother her in the slightest. She has put me under no pressure and continues to. First few times I thought it was nerves but a month later its got into that cycle of knowing its not so it doesn't.
Now my gf is more experienced than me. How much more is up for debate which is slightly intimidating and all but I know she's with me so I try to ignore it because I know she is the faithful type. But she does not seem to do much for me foreplay wise. Now I suppose women are harder to arouse no need the foreplay but what about women doing stuff for men and what stuff?
I spend about an hour worshipping her body and then with my fingers and tongue send her to heaven back several times. IShe orgasms in about 3 seconds at my touch after minimal kissing. All she does for me is while she kisses me tugs away and expects me to stand to attention. Perhaps this worked with her past bf because she is amazing. To be fair I should be struggling to not have sex with her. I thought lasting a minute would be a problem I can't even get started.
I'm pretty sure its not a physical problem because my erection problems started the day we started dating and we didn't try sex for a month. Don't get me wrong I enjoy giving her pleasure I just think considering she has multiple orgasms that last 8 secs a pop that I should be able to manage my 2 secs on glory.
Have a tried talking to her. Kind of but she does not see it as a problem but then she gets off and I just get a kiss and a cuddle. I may have very low self esteem etc due being unloved in my past (something I'd rather not get into here or with her) as well but what can I do?
So in summary:
Should she be doing more for me and is it impolite to ask?
What's wrong with me?
Am I being greedy and should I be greatful that someone so amazing finally likes me?
Any help or advice is great
Ok, embarrassing as it is, I can't make love to my new girlfriend. No matter how amount of patience is solving this problem. Basically the erection is not coming and if it does it only lasts a few seconds. First time nerves you might think but thats the thing, it doesn't bother her in the slightest. She has put me under no pressure and continues to. First few times I thought it was nerves but a month later its got into that cycle of knowing its not so it doesn't.
Now my gf is more experienced than me. How much more is up for debate which is slightly intimidating and all but I know she's with me so I try to ignore it because I know she is the faithful type. But she does not seem to do much for me foreplay wise. Now I suppose women are harder to arouse no need the foreplay but what about women doing stuff for men and what stuff?
I spend about an hour worshipping her body and then with my fingers and tongue send her to heaven back several times. IShe orgasms in about 3 seconds at my touch after minimal kissing. All she does for me is while she kisses me tugs away and expects me to stand to attention. Perhaps this worked with her past bf because she is amazing. To be fair I should be struggling to not have sex with her. I thought lasting a minute would be a problem I can't even get started.
I'm pretty sure its not a physical problem because my erection problems started the day we started dating and we didn't try sex for a month. Don't get me wrong I enjoy giving her pleasure I just think considering she has multiple orgasms that last 8 secs a pop that I should be able to manage my 2 secs on glory.
Have a tried talking to her. Kind of but she does not see it as a problem but then she gets off and I just get a kiss and a cuddle. I may have very low self esteem etc due being unloved in my past (something I'd rather not get into here or with her) as well but what can I do?
So in summary:
Should she be doing more for me and is it impolite to ask?
What's wrong with me?
Am I being greedy and should I be greatful that someone so amazing finally likes me?
Any help or advice is great
0
Comments
I do think its has to be nervs for sure. Yeah, you did think that at the start, but now whenever sex comes around, you're mind is thinking "Oh god what if I dont become erect again, like last time?!" Which of course gets you nervous, and no erection.
Thats pretty weird she doesnt do much for you, foreplay wise. You have to talk to her about it. Say that you think this problem could be helped if maybe she gave you a blowjob or two. :yes:
Considering you do everything to her, she cant exactly turn down the thought. :crazyeyes
Why don't you show her what you want doing? Foreplay isn't just about the woman, and sex isn't just about the woman. If you're not happy with how you are having sex, you need to talk to her about it.
I would suggest that you take a big step back from penetration. Sex isn't just about penetration, sex is about two people having fun together, making each other's bodies have pleasure. Take a step back from penetration, go back to kissing and cuddling. Start again. Concentrate on kissing and cuddling, work your way up to taking clothes off, masturbating each other, having oral sex. If you take the pressure of performance away, you should find that things will improve.
Can you achieve erection by yourself? If you can, there's nothing wrong physically, it's in the head. If you can't achieve erection when you're on your own, perhaps you should go and talk to your doctor about it, to find out what's wrong.
I would re-iterate that if she doesn't see it as a problem, then you shouldn't too. Sex is about far more than penetration, penetration is often the dessert not the main course.
TheSite's article on impotence.
I will have to talk to her but that just makes me so uncomfortable, which I know it shouldn't. I can give other people sex advice but until recently I never thought I'd have a sex life myself.
Any pressure I may feel is from me not her. She has given up even suggesting penetration because she can tell it ain't going to happen now. How can I ask her to do things to me when I can't stand the sight of me myself
As for your little problem, as the others have said - its all down to the vicious cycle. you are worried that you didnt get an erection, now you're worried it will happen again and everytime that it does will just add to the fears. Dont just rush into sex, take your time and enjoy having some foreplay for a while. tell her what feels good and ask her to tell you the same.
In time you will both begin to learn how each other ticks and what the other likes or doenst like in bed. You cant just expect to be cassonova straight away!
It's not scary to talk about sex, or it shouldn't be. Does your girl give you oral sex? Do you let her?
The pressure will be from you, which is why you need to take a step back from it. Go back a base, and try again in a few weeks or so.
When I got with my gf I knew about her past and when I used to think about it even just the thought of her ex's it made me go floppy and loose the mood. Still happens to this day but its not as bad now Ive dealt with most of the issues surrounding him etc.
Just my 2p
But yea...ahem..back to the point....Get her to do more things to you, get your self some love dice, which have lots of little activites for you two to do. She really needs to be spending more time on you, and quick tug just isnt working, and i have to say i wouldnt think it would for anyone...
Thanks for all the advice