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Can't move on
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Why can't I get over her?
I had a girlfriend over the internet 10 months ago. She was my first and I haven't been with anyone since.
She made all the decisions really. She asked me out and she finished it. We hit a snag at one point because I was depressed. I got some very shocking news, and it really did undermine a lot of the things I believed in. She was supportive at first, but then said she wanted to finish it because I made her feel bad. I convinced her we should carry on and we did for a bit.
A while later, I can't really work out the timeline of events, I'm a little confused over it all, she pretty much out of the blew finished things. I was devestated. I mean she was one day going on about long term commitments and what seemed like a few days after she wanted it to end.
Eventually I got a reason for it. She said I was immature when I was supposidly someone she looked up to. Also she said I was too demanding and I was around too often. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she insists she did, but I don't believe her.
I was pretty much over it about a month after we split. Then when I came back after a holiday she told me she wanted to get back together and she loved me. It sounds pathetic now I think about it. 12 hours later she messaged me telling me she'd made a mistake. I was very hurt. We had a talk about why and she wanted us to be friends still so I said okay.
I thought maybe we'd get back together so I hung around. She would always ignore me or give me the cold shoulder. So to try get her to speek to me I got more and more demanding. I thought if I was nice enough she might again decide to get back together but she didn't. She just got argumentative.
Well about a month ago we were getting on well again. She was worried about her exams and I tried be supportive about it. She was acting strange, I just thought she was upset. After I'd been talking to her for a couple of hours, excessive I know but how was I to know she wanted to stop talking if she wouldn't tell me? She suddenly got really agressive. The first thing she said was, completely out the blue "Andy says you're wrong" and then got angry. I felt awful. I'd never seen her so confrontational. Blamed myself of course. I always do.
I had a break down over it all about a week ago. I thought I shouldn't be the one on the recieving end all the time so I sent her some emails saying how I'd love it if we could still be mates and work stuff out. I don't understand why now, maybe I was trying to lead her on then suddenly ignore her or something. I wasn't thinking straight.
So I got guilty. Went on MSN and told her how sorry I was. She had a real go at me, and I deserved every bit of it. I hate how I've acted.
I sent her my exam results, since she did the same with her mocks a few months back. I also mentioned it was my 18th, hoping for a reply. Before I shut my account down I transfered all the valuable stuff on it to her account. Anyway I got a message from her instead of saying something nice she just got sarcastic about me giving her something which she gave to her mate and it turned out not to work.
I really don't like her. She's not attractive, she's snooty and she's also very argumentative. She's always blamed me and I don't see how that's fair that everything is completely my fault if she'd been a little more supportive initially I wouldn't be like this now.
But I love her. I don't get why. 10 months on... She's everything I'll never be; smart and with a lot of cash to spend, with a sound education at some grammer school somewhere. She's from a really rich part of the country and I'm from some clapped out steel town that's slowly slipping into decline. Everything I am and what I have will never do. She's moved on and has another guy now. Why can't I move on? It's pathetic. I feel so down about it. I've asked about this before on a couple of sites but it's really not helping. What should I do?
I had a girlfriend over the internet 10 months ago. She was my first and I haven't been with anyone since.
She made all the decisions really. She asked me out and she finished it. We hit a snag at one point because I was depressed. I got some very shocking news, and it really did undermine a lot of the things I believed in. She was supportive at first, but then said she wanted to finish it because I made her feel bad. I convinced her we should carry on and we did for a bit.
A while later, I can't really work out the timeline of events, I'm a little confused over it all, she pretty much out of the blew finished things. I was devestated. I mean she was one day going on about long term commitments and what seemed like a few days after she wanted it to end.
Eventually I got a reason for it. She said I was immature when I was supposidly someone she looked up to. Also she said I was too demanding and I was around too often. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she insists she did, but I don't believe her.
I was pretty much over it about a month after we split. Then when I came back after a holiday she told me she wanted to get back together and she loved me. It sounds pathetic now I think about it. 12 hours later she messaged me telling me she'd made a mistake. I was very hurt. We had a talk about why and she wanted us to be friends still so I said okay.
I thought maybe we'd get back together so I hung around. She would always ignore me or give me the cold shoulder. So to try get her to speek to me I got more and more demanding. I thought if I was nice enough she might again decide to get back together but she didn't. She just got argumentative.
Well about a month ago we were getting on well again. She was worried about her exams and I tried be supportive about it. She was acting strange, I just thought she was upset. After I'd been talking to her for a couple of hours, excessive I know but how was I to know she wanted to stop talking if she wouldn't tell me? She suddenly got really agressive. The first thing she said was, completely out the blue "Andy says you're wrong" and then got angry. I felt awful. I'd never seen her so confrontational. Blamed myself of course. I always do.
I had a break down over it all about a week ago. I thought I shouldn't be the one on the recieving end all the time so I sent her some emails saying how I'd love it if we could still be mates and work stuff out. I don't understand why now, maybe I was trying to lead her on then suddenly ignore her or something. I wasn't thinking straight.
So I got guilty. Went on MSN and told her how sorry I was. She had a real go at me, and I deserved every bit of it. I hate how I've acted.
I sent her my exam results, since she did the same with her mocks a few months back. I also mentioned it was my 18th, hoping for a reply. Before I shut my account down I transfered all the valuable stuff on it to her account. Anyway I got a message from her instead of saying something nice she just got sarcastic about me giving her something which she gave to her mate and it turned out not to work.
I really don't like her. She's not attractive, she's snooty and she's also very argumentative. She's always blamed me and I don't see how that's fair that everything is completely my fault if she'd been a little more supportive initially I wouldn't be like this now.
But I love her. I don't get why. 10 months on... She's everything I'll never be; smart and with a lot of cash to spend, with a sound education at some grammer school somewhere. She's from a really rich part of the country and I'm from some clapped out steel town that's slowly slipping into decline. Everything I am and what I have will never do. She's moved on and has another guy now. Why can't I move on? It's pathetic. I feel so down about it. I've asked about this before on a couple of sites but it's really not helping. What should I do?
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Comments
You're probably having a hard time to get over her cause she was your first GF. But I find it odd - was your whole relationship through the internet? Cause, I don't know, maybe you shared things you had never shared with another girl before, but trust me, a live relationship will be a 1,000 times better. When you find a girl you fancy who you can actually be with you'll probably forget everything about this girl.
Anyway, she sounds very immature to me, and kind of mean too. I know you said you loved her but... maybe you're idealizing her a bit, don't ya think? When we miss the past we often do this kind of thing. Maybe you miss the good moments, miss how she made you feel special, and thinking how great she was? These are very normal things to feel, we've all been there, and we often confuse it with love.
Anyway, like everything good and bad that happens in life, take this experience as something to learn about. cherish the good feelings and learn from your mistakes - and hers too. Be careful though, don't go blaming yourself for things you aren't to blame. Just learn from this experience and move on. Look out there for another girl who deserves you and who you can actually kiss
Good luck.
Might sound harsh but suck it up and get over it, how can you love someone you've never even met?
Thanks a lot for the advice.
no nor me.
why did you never meet her when you were going out for what, 10 months?
Sorry but to be honest, this wasn't a 'real' relationship. You never even met her. You haven't a clue how you would get along face to face. So this shouldn't be very hard to get over. Don't contact her and don't use the internet much. You've got to get out and find someone in the real world (if you want a relationship that is).
To me, 18 seems a bit old to be caught up in an internet relationship. The nets good for meeting people, and having internet friends is fine but to try and have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship where your only communication is virtual is just, not right.
So simply, you need to get off that chair and out the door and form relationships with people you can actually see and touch!
Did you never get that when you were younger? Guess I'm just a romantic cyber geek then
This guys 18 though and it seems a bit old to be living in a fantasy world still.
:flirt:
(I cant belive I just did that!)
I met my first boyfriend online when I was 15. We met up and had a long distance relationship for 9 months. (Don't worry, it all went safely, my parents knew ~ it was just the worst relationship EVER)
But anyway! Now you don't have to deal with any kind of attachment to anyone anymore. Which means... you can feel free to go out and enjoy yourself! Grab some friends, head out to some pub/club, meet some people, go to some parties. Increase your social circle and your chance of finding yourself another girl. And when you do, this other relationship will just be a thing of the past!
ENJOY IT!
x
Because of things like this -
You're projecting loads of qualities onto some idealised woman off the internet that you've never met. She's not 'everything you'll never be' (well, apart from being a woman), she's just some moody woman you exchanged a lot of e-mails with.
You've probably picked up a few things from the experience that'll come in useful in future, but it sounds like you definitely need to focus your attentions on the real world and not take internet relationships so seriously in the future.
I think to get over her you need to be truly happy yourself. By going out, meeting new people, and possibly getting a new hobby you will shift the focus from her to yourself and having fun. :thumb:
Now go out there and have some fun!!