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Head fuck (big read inside!)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Yes i know i should probably walk away, but its not that easy... :no:
As some of you will know from reading my other posts, me and Cat(gf) have had some problems for a while and have been on the verge of splitting up a fair bit.
Well, tonight i found out that while out on saturday night she kissed another lad. she says she was drunk and it was a mistake but thats just a shit excuse really and doesnt count for much.
Anyway, i dumped her on the spot and walked off - she chased after me begging and crying saying how sorry she was and much of a mistake it was, how much she loves me/wants to be with me etc.. anyway i felt a bit sorry for her so i said alright then but that i wanted a break for a few days to sort things out in my head. Only thing was i didnt really care that she had kissed someone, but why? was i expecting it to happen? sort of. was i upset when i found out? no, not really. am i more secure with myself now? fuck knows.
Someone on here said ages ago that they werent bothered if their partner drunkenly kissed someone when they were out because they were still going home to them not the person they kissed. well i've never been as trusting as that (still arent) so i've no idea why im not more bothered about this.
She was just in tears the whold time in a right state and i was pretty nasty to her (which felt strangely good :eek2: ) but i gave in after a while and comforted her for a bit. she was saying stuff like i deserve better and that she thought i'd hate her. i agreed that i deserve better but that of course i didnt hate her.
Part of me thinks that im just being taken for a ride and that shes playing me for a fool going round fucking every bloke that pays an interest but if that was the case then why would she beg me not to leave her, its not as if i treat her particularly well, i dont buy her stuff very often or take her out places...
Another thing that has messed me up is two things she said to me while i was comforting her, she said something like 'please dont hit me' which confused the hell out of me because ive never hit a girl before in my life!
the second thing she said was something about not wanting to live anymore because it would prove to me how much she loves me and how she would never be unfaithful to me again or something (attention seeking a bit methinks).
Well im at home now, i left her by telling her i needed some space for a few days and she understood.
I'm just confused now as to what to do, i mean is there even a relationship there anymore if i wasnt bothered about her kissing another lad? or am i just growing up a bit and learning to relax and realise that although she may have done that shes come home to me and told me about it?
I'm really just fucked in the head and have no clue where to start thinking....
As some of you will know from reading my other posts, me and Cat(gf) have had some problems for a while and have been on the verge of splitting up a fair bit.
Well, tonight i found out that while out on saturday night she kissed another lad. she says she was drunk and it was a mistake but thats just a shit excuse really and doesnt count for much.
Anyway, i dumped her on the spot and walked off - she chased after me begging and crying saying how sorry she was and much of a mistake it was, how much she loves me/wants to be with me etc.. anyway i felt a bit sorry for her so i said alright then but that i wanted a break for a few days to sort things out in my head. Only thing was i didnt really care that she had kissed someone, but why? was i expecting it to happen? sort of. was i upset when i found out? no, not really. am i more secure with myself now? fuck knows.
Someone on here said ages ago that they werent bothered if their partner drunkenly kissed someone when they were out because they were still going home to them not the person they kissed. well i've never been as trusting as that (still arent) so i've no idea why im not more bothered about this.
She was just in tears the whold time in a right state and i was pretty nasty to her (which felt strangely good :eek2: ) but i gave in after a while and comforted her for a bit. she was saying stuff like i deserve better and that she thought i'd hate her. i agreed that i deserve better but that of course i didnt hate her.
Part of me thinks that im just being taken for a ride and that shes playing me for a fool going round fucking every bloke that pays an interest but if that was the case then why would she beg me not to leave her, its not as if i treat her particularly well, i dont buy her stuff very often or take her out places...
Another thing that has messed me up is two things she said to me while i was comforting her, she said something like 'please dont hit me' which confused the hell out of me because ive never hit a girl before in my life!
the second thing she said was something about not wanting to live anymore because it would prove to me how much she loves me and how she would never be unfaithful to me again or something (attention seeking a bit methinks).
Well im at home now, i left her by telling her i needed some space for a few days and she understood.
I'm just confused now as to what to do, i mean is there even a relationship there anymore if i wasnt bothered about her kissing another lad? or am i just growing up a bit and learning to relax and realise that although she may have done that shes come home to me and told me about it?
I'm really just fucked in the head and have no clue where to start thinking....
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Comments
No-one can answer that better than you, but from the outside it looks to me that the fact you didn't really care that she kissed another lad as pretty meaningful. Normally, it would have made you want to scream - at the least. You would have felt like you wanted to rip the guy to pieces (or something like that - I'm trying to portray strong feelings of jelousy here...lol). What you mention about being mature and not worrying so much 'cause they still come home to you and being able to forgive and move forward etc, OK, I think it's possible to do that, but it doesn't mean you don't even feel angry or bothered at all - it means you feel those things very strongly, but are able to get over them. It's something very difficult to do, that's why so many couples don't survive unfaithfulnesses. If you weren't really bothered about it, it sounds to me like your heart isn't really in this relationship anymore. Maybe this has nothing to do with how you feel right now but I just think its very odd that it didn't upset you. Are there any other reasons which might explain it? Maybe I'm missing something... (Are you sure you weren't upset?)
Now, about her, I suspect she's had a hard time in the past with relationships.. That comment about you not hitting her probably came from there, either someone has done that to her in the past or she has seen it done to a close relative (just my guesses). Anyway, it says much more about her past than yours. As for this part: well, girls are much more interested in a guy being nice and good to them than getting stuff bought for them or taken places. Of course those things are appreciated, but they don't come first. My guess is that you do treat her very well, and even if you don't think so, you probably do in comparison to other lads she has known. Like I said, I think this girl's had it rough in the past, she sounds pretty insecure. Furthermore, it sounds to me like you have a relationship where she feels protected by you, something which she needs, hence the begging.
The bottom line is - do you want to stay in this relationship? It's obvious that you care loads about her, but sometimes it's not enough to make a relationship work. When you picture different scenarios: like breaking up or staying together, which brings you more peace of mind? (i find this a criteria that helps me a lot make decisions, just thought I would share it if its any good to you).
OK, so these are only my wild guesses and opinions, please just take what is useful to you - if any. Good luck and hope everything works out for the best :thumb:
Was this because i knew it was happening but couldn't prove it, and see denied it? i dont know either. It was in some way a relieve to finally know for sure. Think what hurt me more was that fact she lied when i asked her about it before hand. and all the lies while it went on.
I know from what you've said before that you love her, but is it worth all the pain and heartbreak. I think you've done the right thing mate. If you ever want to talk PM me or i can give you my msn.
Well, I havent read your previous posts about your gf (sorry, been busy etc), but her reactions, they don't seem right. As if she feels guilty for something else too. But I dont know what she's like as a person, so I cant say for certain.
Yeah, I can understand that. She was also drunk, which has to be taken into account too. I'm just too used to listening to my feelings, when it comes to my own life. That usually doesnt work too well when I apply it to other peoples situations, in my experience.
When you spend more time talking about a relationship than getting on with it, its over.
I'm not really for the whole all women are head fucks thing, but in this case i think we can safely say she is. I went out with someone for about a year when i was 15/16 and i like cheated on him towards the end simply because i was bit bored and didn't have the bottle to end it. When we split up over it, i panicked and like got really emotional and managed to persuade him to take me back. Why i don't know cos i still felt like i didn't wanna be with him, think i was just scared about being on my own or hurting him. This happened several times until i got up the nerve to just walk away.
I'd agree with what other people have said about deciding what you feel yourself. I know (from very recent experience) that if you think about it hard enough you will reach the answers eventually. A few drinks may (or may not) help you decide. I would probably talk to her about, be frank about how you feel. Don't let her try and convince you either way though, just see what she honestly thinks/feels. Sometimes talking can help, although it could be that it's up to you alone to make your mind up.
Hope that makes sense. I hope it all goes well whatever you decide mate. There is light at the end of the tunnel (apparently!).
She sounds like shes emotionally blackmailing you. Let her go.
I'm just really messed up in the head at the moment. think i just need a few days away from her to sort myself out..only ive no idea where to begin
If its the latter then I'd say don't. Wait until you clear your head a bit more.
My friend kept me from contacting a bloke I was trying to get over (but not really wanting to at the time), and I'm glad she did because she helped break the cycle for me.
If you want things to change, be it to have the relationship 'fixed' or get over her, you will need to think clearly when you do decide. Now things are very raw, and I would not recommend trying to sort things out while that's the case.
Good luck!
All i can think is 'well, she forgave me' (even though she didnt know the whole truth but still)...
i guess things are just on the other foot now and its not very nice.
not sure if i read your original post wrong but did you say you weren't as bothered about her pulling someone else as you thought you would be?
have you considered that you're just with her because you're scared of not being with her?
i'm not meaning to be all doom and gloom but if you want to stay with her then you have to both work hard to make it work. if you don't and don't see yourself with her in say a years time then maybe it's time to end it now while you still have some dignity left and things don't get any worse.
i can't imagine it's very nice being in your situation; but whatever happens will be for the best.
i'd say you definately need a break from her like you've instigated. try (even though i appreciate it's hard) cutting contact from her for a while and see how you feel.
from what i've read though, you could be a lot happier. and ultimately that's what you've got to think about.