Did She Love Me At All!

Former Member · March 2006

ok split up with a girl who been with for 4 years she ends it cause she dont want a relationship whilst at uni! now within a month and half of us splitting up she is getting with someone else.

how do people cope with knowing that there ex gf who they still love is going to be kissed, touched and made love to with another guy. its killing me softly, i know people are gonna say dont think about it but i really really really do love this girl with my whole heart.

i just starting to wonder now if she loves me at all!!

Former Member · March 2006

just out of interest, how old are you both? im guessing around 18 if shes off to uni?
if so getting into a relationship at 14 is quite tough and very rarely lasts the course. Maybe she just wants a bit of freedom and wants to live her life a bit befroe settling down. i know it sucks breaking up with someone you love but just try and keep yourself busy and surround yourself with friends/family.
This is a big oportunity for you as well, to go out and have a good time - you can do what you like because you're a free man now!

Former Member · March 2006

I think maybe you have to consider the changes some people go through when they go to uni. Me and my ex both went to seperate uni's in September, and within a few weeks we ended, partially because I didn't want the relationship whilst at uni.

Since September I've had one short lived relationship and currently a situation evolving with another guy. It was never a case of not loving my ex, it was a case of moving to a new place, meeting new people and being attracted to people who were often around me and there for me whilst I'm here.

She may well love you, but since going to uni her feelings have changed and she's moving on or just moving with the situation she's in now. I know that's hard to hear, but she's not going to be immune to other peoples advances and to being attacted to other people - I thought I wouldn't be and me and my ex quickly split up for just those sorts of reasons. You shouldn't doubt whether she loved you at all, because that's unfair - after 4 years there must have been that element to keep you together. But things change - situations and people.

Former Member · March 2006

Its always a tough one mate. I went through the same feeling when found out wife was having an affiar. she said that she loved me, but loved him too. I tried not to think about at, but no matter how hard you try you'll end up thinking about it. As i travel with me job every now and then, i ended up thinking did they have sex in my bed/house/ etc.... didn't want an answer really just the thought of it made me sick.
All i can really say is that the feelings will go or lessen with time. Go enjoy yourself, go out with your friends, throw yourself in work/uni. start a new hobbie or takeup an old one. I'm sure she did/does love you mate, but people change.

Former Member · March 2006

It’s a shitty thing to happen – but people change a hell of a lot between 14 and 18 and it’d be miraculous if you had stayed together and grown up to still be compatible. I don’t know anybody who is still with the same girlfriend/boyfriend they were with in their mid-teens, and to be honest, if I did I would think they were pretty lame.

Only thing you can do is take some of the wise advice given in the earlier posts on this thread and keep yourself busy. You might want to consider shagging all her friends as well…;)

Former Member · March 2006

This is not a criticism of your advice I'm about to make here. You're right to point out people change a lot between 14 and 18. But also remember people change loads after that too. As Malteser Monkay notes, university changes people, (and it'll no doubt change me completely) and life experiences cause changes. Some couples grow up together during their teenage years, but I suspect this is a rarity.

The sad truth is, people have a tendency to grow apart during these formative (personal term) years. But on the plus side, you'll meet new people. I've got some experience of this. I saw this first hand, I was something of a late developer mentally. People come and people go. And who knows, these two might meet up in several years to come and like each other differently, there's no telling what fate has planned. It makes me feel sad and contemplative.

As for the suggestion of sleeping with her friends, well, if you wish, but if you feel it would hurt her, don't do it.

Former Member · March 2006

To be honest, there's not a lot you can do - other than try and keep your mind off it. If you try and pursue her you'll alienate her even more, if you don't at least try and distract your mind then you'll drive yourself insane.

I'm going to repeat what I said in your earlier thread, which was about coping when your ex is moving on. It sounds like you know a lot (too much, imo) about what she's up to since your split, and while it's tempting to keep tabs on an ex, it's rarely good for your own mental health. I'm sure that you have mutual friends, or move in the social circles, or maybe still even speak...I'd recommend trying to have as little contact with her as possible. I have friends who'd be telling me about what my ex is up to, because they think that I want to know (I'm not too sure why) and I've since told them that I'd rather not know...I don't think any good can come of that. If the other person has moved on, they're presumably not spending time finding out what their ex has been up to and with whom, they're probably aware that it's not conducive to moving on with your life. I think that's probably the case for you, too.

You probably feel as though you don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, but this is THE time to refocus on the things you enjoyed doing (and people you enjoyed seeing) pre-relationship. Or turn the page and start afresh, go out to different places, see friends you haven't touched base with in awhile. Keep busy, and keep your chin up. You need to take the steps toward moving on, moving up and so on. Otherwise no one here can help you, really, because their advice isn't what you want to hear. I do genuinely hope you feel a bit better soon, take care of yourself.

Former Member · March 2006

simple answer that its almost certain that she did love you, but sometimes relationships just fizzle out. Love can sometimes go. If you start a relationship while youre still so young, its got a much higher chance of eventually fizzling out because youre still changing sooooo much. It doesnt mean the relationship wasnt worthwhile, it just means the train came to the end of the tracks. You learnt a lot from each other, grew together, learnt about relationships and youll be a better person for it, but sometimes these things just end

. Hopefully youll have fond memories to look back on eventually and a lot of experience to take to your future relationships that will help you

Youre probably feeling so sad just now so whatever anyone says its not going to help, but the chances are she really did love you, she just needed to move on and unfortunatly, breaking up is really hard. It always hurts like hell.
You WILL get over it though.

Former Member · March 2006

If you've been with her since you were 14 and your now 18, probably going to be your first proper breakup, it isnt easy, especially when theyre moving onto someone else so soon, but even if she says shes over you and moved on, she wont be!.
honestly, most of us have been there, and eventually you'll find someone else who you prefer anyway

Former Member · March 2006

Hi there matey

i'm in a similar situation to you...

hard to say but sounds like she did love you. people do change and it is really hard when things end. feels like your insides are being ripped out.

BUT

you can love more than one person and, over time the hurt does go away...

you must do anything, anything to stop yourself thinking about her with another guy. it will make you feel crap.

there is more than one person out there for each of us. most people are basically good. if there wasn't what are the chances of meeting someone? everybody would be single! speak to anybody over 25 who is with someone and chances are it isn't the person they went out with when they were younger.

everyday it will get a little bit easier, try booking a holiday with your mates. will give you something to look forward to. or treat yourself in some way, splash out etc.

good luck pal....

Rob.

Did She Love Me At All!

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