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Need help convincing someone to confess before the situation explodes!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
My friend's girlfriend is moving here (he'd moved and she's now going to follow) but he has been cheating on her for the past four months.

A lot of people here know and they all want to let the secret "slip" accidently and get the whole thing out.

Obviously, this would break the girl's soul. He needs to tell her what has been going on and if he wants to patch things up, then good.

I just think that allowing her to move here and her learning the truth after dropping everything and quitting her job is almost cruel - something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. He has to tell her, but how to get through to him?

I've set up a dinner date with him next week, but I'm not sure what to say without it sounding like intervention.

People have told me that he is a bad person and I shouldn't be friends with people like that. But he is my best friend and I love him more than anything. I have to talk some sense into him before he hurts himself and her very badly.

Please help.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    erm...just come out and tell him, try and get him to see things from her pov. If needs be then tell her yourself, just dont let her drop everything and move to be closer to someone who treats her like shit!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to tell him that he has to come clean, and that if he doesn't you will.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jna wrote:
    I've set up a dinner date with him next week...but he is my best friend and I love him more than anything.

    Unless I'm being particularly suspicious and have read things wrong, it sounds to me as if there is an ulterior motive here...

    If he has been cheating on her for months, then the girlfriend should know - either from him or from you. Although who he's been cheating with may explain a few things here - it seems odd that you love him more than anything yet he's a cheat?

    Excuse my confusion, it's late :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd tell him that you don't approve of his behaviour, and that you think he should tell her, before she moves in. However, I think you should leave it at that, whether or not he decides to tell her, is, at the end of the day, up to him. I would find it quite hard to do so, but I think that threatening to tell her yourself if he doesn't is overstepping the mark.

    By letting him know what you think, but then doing nothing, you can at least be there to support her if/when she does find out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Difficult for you cause of being friends and all, but you do need to tell him to just tell her about it all!

    I myself would be totally broken if I found out someone cheated on me AFTER I moved for them. :no: Gotta feel sorry for this girl.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What will break her soul/spirit/heart is if she uproots her entire existence and then is told (or finds out) that her boyfriend is a complete fraud.

    I agree that you have to tell him to tell her; and if he won't that you'll tell her yourself (and make good on that threat).

    I feel for you, being in this situation. But my heart goes out to this girl.
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