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I feel like i've lied to her
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I went out with mates on Friday night, told my girlfriend that it was me an another guy plus a few of his mates that I don't really know. As it turned out there were a few more people there that I knew, but I didn't find this out until the last minute.
Anyway, the next morning I got a text from my girlfriend to sort out what we were doing that day, in it she asked how last night went, I replied that I had a good time and it was better than I expected.
Then last night (Sunday) she starts looking through my phone (she didn't ask, but then I was sitting there so could have stopped her) and she found a few photos from the Friday night. There was nothing bad on there, just a few of my mates (all male), but she made a comment about not knowing they were going to be there and that I didn't mention anything about them going with me. I said I didn't know until the last minute and that apart from the text on Saturday morning she hadn't asked me about the night, so I hadn't told her.
She didn't say anything else, but for the rest of the day I was getting the quiet treatment, like I had done something wrong. I didn't want to say anything, but I am 99% sure it's because she didn't know who was out with me on Friday and that I hadn't told her. Now i'm left feeling really bad, like I have been lying to her!
I don't no whether to bring this up with her when I see her next, or just leave things be as she obviously doesn't want to talk about it. She might even not be bothered, but she even admitted there was something up yesterday but she "didn't know what it was". As I said, i'm sure it was the photos, and i'm worried that if I don't try and sort this out with her it's just going to fester in her head and come back to bite me in the bum!
Anyway, the next morning I got a text from my girlfriend to sort out what we were doing that day, in it she asked how last night went, I replied that I had a good time and it was better than I expected.
Then last night (Sunday) she starts looking through my phone (she didn't ask, but then I was sitting there so could have stopped her) and she found a few photos from the Friday night. There was nothing bad on there, just a few of my mates (all male), but she made a comment about not knowing they were going to be there and that I didn't mention anything about them going with me. I said I didn't know until the last minute and that apart from the text on Saturday morning she hadn't asked me about the night, so I hadn't told her.
She didn't say anything else, but for the rest of the day I was getting the quiet treatment, like I had done something wrong. I didn't want to say anything, but I am 99% sure it's because she didn't know who was out with me on Friday and that I hadn't told her. Now i'm left feeling really bad, like I have been lying to her!
I don't no whether to bring this up with her when I see her next, or just leave things be as she obviously doesn't want to talk about it. She might even not be bothered, but she even admitted there was something up yesterday but she "didn't know what it was". As I said, i'm sure it was the photos, and i'm worried that if I don't try and sort this out with her it's just going to fester in her head and come back to bite me in the bum!
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Comments
you haven't done ANYTHING wrong. you don't have to tell your girlfriend who you're with the whole time; infact any of the time at all.
i could understand (though not relate to) if she was bothered about there being girls there..but lads?!
Well I don't think I've done anything wrong, but she has a way of making me feel bad about things like this.
My problem is whether I should confront her abou it, or just let it lay, after all, she didn't didn't feel the need to say anything else about it to me. I just want to know why I had quiet treatment yesterday, and why it started just after she saw the photos.
well maybe they were unrelated??
you're right in realising you haven't done anything wrong. if her behaviour was bothering you why not ask her why she was being quiet?
Like Lucifer devil says, perhaps she's upset about something unrelated. It's best just to ask her why she was being quiet. If she is upset over who you went out with, i dont think she should be
:yes: it sounds like you will both benefit from getting things out in the open. If it turns out that she is concerned about the fact you were out with more people than originally mentioned, then it's probably best to tread carefully. Rather than jumping down her throat, or accusing her of getting in your business, you could gently explain the situation - having a few extra lads there wasn't a big deal. If she doesn't react well to this, then you should probably make it clear that you feel unhappy, as it's important to have your own life/identity outside of your relationship with her.
It might be that she is worried that you are hiding something else from her, which although there wouldn't be any justification for, many of us are guilty of the odd spurt of irrational paranoia from time to time! In that case, you might find it helps to read the second half of this article.
Overall - communication is the key - good luck and I hope you start to feel better about things soon
I don't really know where this outburst came from, but then she said what bothered her most about the pictures is that she wasn't there and that I don't take her out with my mates enough.
So after a very un-productive evening we managed to work out that i'm bad because
1. I would be bothered by her wanting to go out with a load of guys she doesn't know without me
2. I didin't tell her who I was with on Friday night
3. I took pictures of it!
4. I don't bring her out with my mates on our lads nights out.
Makes me wonder why she's with me when i'm so terrible! :rolleyes:
Neither do I sometimes, it's so up and down, and so is she. She says one thing and then the next minute changes her mind. I never know where I stand, and whenever I try and set things straight so we both know where we stand then she'll clam up on me.
I bet tomorrow i'll get a text saying she doesn't mind me going out with my mates and she wouldn't come even if I asked her. So what am I supposed to do? Because in a couple of months time i'll get this all over again!
The whole time she's "making up her mind as to how she feels" it's leaving me feeling like shit and pretty damn worthless. :crying:
You need to address the sitution and find out what's really bothering her.
not just this post but others I've read from you, it sounds like your her little lap dog who follows her on a lead or sommat. You are kind of changing the person you are to try and make her happy, trying to second guess what she wants so you can give it to her. Not a good way to live your life at all mate. If I was you I'd ask her where she gets off treating you like a chump, and if things didn't change I'd kick her arse straight out of my life, you deserve better.
It sound like she needs to figure out what she wants. and to stop pissing you around. Sorry its not much in the way of advise, but i cant see that you've done anything wrong here.
well said mate.
your girlfriend cannot compare you going out with some lads to her going out with a group of lads.
think you ought to stand up for yourself. :yes:
Quick question - if this was her, would you react in the same way or not?
I fully agree with this statement and/or suggestion.
Don't be aggressive about it, but tell her straight that the situation isn't comparable, that you wouldn't get your knickers in a wad if she went out on a girly night out, and that she's being unreasonable.
I get the impression that your lass isn't very confident, does she have many friends of her own? But always remember that you don't cure paranoia and jealousy by pandering to it.