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Low self-esteem?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Firstly I don't wish to sound all woe-is-me... I consider myself a happy individual, but I've been told a few times I have low self-esteem.
Last night I was going out in to London and I dressed lady-like for once, which I never do often and my flatmates were like "whoooaaa" and stuff and I thought they were making fun of me. The fact is that I cannot take a compliment, I am not unhappy with myself but that is because I accept my faults and am cold to them.
But when people compliment me or call me a good friend or flirt with me, I just don't see why. I don't see myself as a loveable person so to speak and this makes relationships very difficult for me too. I feel guilty if I do not put other people first for example and I step down to challenges if somebody else steps in because I know they're more attractive, smart or confident than me.
Now I don't cry myself to sleep, but my Mum has suggested that I have low self-esteem probably because I was bullied and my special needs teacher has said that I don't believe in my abilities.
I mean can anybody relate?
You know... "Life is fine, but I never see myself as good as other people, but I accept I am not as good and know I can do a lot of things if I work"... That kinda thing?
I got a B+ on my first assignment without help from special needs and whilst it's an OK grade I sould be getting A's. Grrrrr
Last night I was going out in to London and I dressed lady-like for once, which I never do often and my flatmates were like "whoooaaa" and stuff and I thought they were making fun of me. The fact is that I cannot take a compliment, I am not unhappy with myself but that is because I accept my faults and am cold to them.
But when people compliment me or call me a good friend or flirt with me, I just don't see why. I don't see myself as a loveable person so to speak and this makes relationships very difficult for me too. I feel guilty if I do not put other people first for example and I step down to challenges if somebody else steps in because I know they're more attractive, smart or confident than me.
Now I don't cry myself to sleep, but my Mum has suggested that I have low self-esteem probably because I was bullied and my special needs teacher has said that I don't believe in my abilities.
I mean can anybody relate?
You know... "Life is fine, but I never see myself as good as other people, but I accept I am not as good and know I can do a lot of things if I work"... That kinda thing?
I got a B+ on my first assignment without help from special needs and whilst it's an OK grade I sould be getting A's. Grrrrr
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I can't really dole out too much advice, as my own self-esteem isn't great at the moment. I know it's probably useless to say that you're great, and it probably doesn't help at all, but I think you are...I sincerely hope you find a way to get a handle on your feelings. If you do, let me know the big secret.
Just want to say you're not alone. x
Now, I still don't know how to accept a compliment, so I just say thank you.
I'm no longer so arrogant as to believe I know better than the person complimenting me, so I can appreciate what they say, and get a warm glow from it; and where I can't help but disagree accept that they are expressing their opinion, and take pleasure that they felt comfortable enough to tell me, and that they respected me enough to tell me.
ETA
A while ago, when you asked if "my stuff" could help someone with hidden disabilities, you never said it was you that was looking for help. In your case, yes it can. PM me.
Seriously though...the past means nothing, it's merely something you can reflect on and gain info on for the future. Not something to be dwelled on. Therefore everyone should always be confident about themselves and the future. Works in theory...moonrat, people get compliments and 90% of the time , they mean it and don't take it all awkward like. Feel good about yourself when someone does.
Exactly why you should. Look forward to it.
Sorry that I can't offer any advice, I'm having pretty much the same trouble (or wish I was).
Turlough, it's not a simple decision like "Ok, I won't care about the past from now on." Most of it is subconscious for me (and I presume anyone else).
Im particularly bad when it comes to recieving compliments, i just assume that people are lying or saying it because they cant think of anything else to say or something, or trying to get into my knickers!
like Zalbor says its not as simple just to be like ok im going to be more assertive etc. its hard when youve been the one whos sat in the corner your whole life and i think its even harder if youve been happy enough to do that, to suddenly say "im going to change".
my best friend said that she didn't know i had low self esteem till i told her - apparently i don't act like it!...but you're not supposed to act a certain way if you have low self esteem right? i'm pretty happy n content some of the time, but when it comes to going out in public n making friends,meeting guys n making presentations n stuff that's when my self esteem lets me down. i think we have to stop judging ourselves so much....afterall the way you perceive yourself is the 'image' that really counts.....isn't it?
Like if someone looks like they are gonna come over and speak to me, even if its a girl I fancy, I just wish a hole would open up and swallow me and I feel really relieved when they walk past.But,then I feel shit because Iv got loads of things to say in my mind but cant ............sounds like Iv got a confidence poblem as well!! :banghead:
Hi Moonrat and others,
Sorry to hear about your self esteem issues. Lots of people lack self confidence - some as just better at hiding it than others.
You might find the following articles on self-esteem a helpful read:
'Twelve Valuable Steps to Raise your self-esteem'
'Building Self-Esteem'
thats probably why its so hard for me to form relationships.. especially with men :impissed:
Not everyone accepts compliments or generally acts in the same way - in the same way that some people may see you as having low self esteem, I may see other people as having high self esteem. But what I think doesn't matter.