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Building a thicker skin
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Possible? Only possible by avoiding exfoliation?
This is a weird subject, I'm just wondering who here would consider themselves to have a thick skin, or if a lot of "thick-skinned" people are secretly cut to ribbons inside by things that they show no emotion over...?
Personally, I tend to really take things to heart, and have always had to focus a lot of my energy on learning to be better at taking criticism. I even find well-meant "constructive criticism" hard to take on the chin, sometimes.
I think it probably stems from my nature, I'm something of a perfectionist - especially in certain areas of my life, and the need to be perfect, liked, loved.
This is a weird subject, I'm just wondering who here would consider themselves to have a thick skin, or if a lot of "thick-skinned" people are secretly cut to ribbons inside by things that they show no emotion over...?
Personally, I tend to really take things to heart, and have always had to focus a lot of my energy on learning to be better at taking criticism. I even find well-meant "constructive criticism" hard to take on the chin, sometimes.
I think it probably stems from my nature, I'm something of a perfectionist - especially in certain areas of my life, and the need to be perfect, liked, loved.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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I just wish I could be one of those people who doesn't sweat the small stuff, though I do think a lot of people who develop a thicker skin do a full 180 and start being the one who hurls the barbed comment etc.
There must be some kind of balance though.
I think being sensitive, caring about others and what others think and are feeling isnt completely negative. The people pleasing thing might be one of your reasons for nursing - it was definitely one of mine
At the end of the day i'm pretty thick skinned and when things do hurt me i tend to cover it quite well as i'm pretty good at defensive sarcasm so most people don't tend to bother me.
You're right, it's not a negative thing. I think you hit the nail on the head about Nursing, it's something I've noticed about quite a lot of people on my course as well. :yes:
You see, that's kind of what I'm wondering. Is it better to appear thick-skinned and unflustered if someone make a remark that's cutting...or to show that you're offended or hurt? Obviously the middle-ground would be ideal... :chin:
me three.
although it does depend on the person who's said it. if it's someone i like, respect and get on with, i can get quite (inwardly) upset, cause i think there might be some truth in it, and i can obsess over it for weeks.
but if it's someone i know doesn't like me and is probably just being spiteful, i don't lose any sleep over it.
Sad really!
i still get hurt and upset quite easily though
I would probably stick up for myself too but cry about it afterwards, lol.
Yeah, I'm a lot better at sticking up for other people than myself. Probably because if a personal attack is made on me I usually wish the ground would open up and swallow me.
ITA that it's the people you'd least expect, which is why I think sometimes people who create the illusion of being thick-skinned are the ones who are most hurt. Sometimes, of course.
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i think its always worth at least trying to put an "im not bothered" image up in front of people, cause it gives you a chance to see how they react to you, and what kind of person you like, its an oppertunity to see what they are like inside at times, whether they are bawling at you, or just talking
at work its sometimes the little and tiny things that bother me to hell, and people at work know that, so when im bottling it all up, they dont think im ok, they just know that im stressed, im aware that they know, and i think its worth making the effort to get on as normal, as to avoid any further disturbances
I know what you mean and I do this but I don't think its particularly useful to hide the fact that your bothered about stuff because people then see you as someone who will just take it and not let it affect them. I do this all the time and act like I'm not bothered when really I am, its unhealthy not to let anyone in.
I find a solid jab to the solar plexus works best, although that's just my personal taste.
You're best off with a thick-skinned response if you ain't going to give it back. The alternative is appearing weak, and in doing so presenting yourself as an easy target for everyone who doesn't like you.
I used to take everything said as a highly personal attack against me and me alone. Then I started working on my self esteem and although I still sometimes tend to think people are against me, I am not bothered nearly as much about stupid comments said that nobody really means. I don't obsess over words as much as I used to and I feel much better about myself.
But if somebody I thought was close told me something nasty in person and meant it, I would be upset and rightly so. However, I might try to hide it and go and sob at home because I still don't deal very well with emotions.
How's that?
If someone trying to 'lead' me was getting upset regularly i'd fuck him off and take over myself. Being easily upset = weakness. Weakness = not good for being a leader.
No, you're misunderstanding. I didn't say "being whimpy is one of the things that makes a leader", now did I?
Having the emotional intelligence to tell somebody that you were a little upset about not getting a job, for example, rather than keeping it in OR bawling your eyes out is preferred. It's not weakness to admit that you wanted something even if you did not get it, now is it?
And being a damn hard guy/woman who is cold as a fish does not a good leader make. I'd have no respect for the bastard who keeps telling me I don't work hard enough or can't tell me anything without appearing as bossing me about just becausea it's his job to. Like hell am I going to help him get a fatter paycheck.
That isn't a measure of emotional intelligence. No, it isn't weak to admit you wanted something you didn't get, although that doesn't necessarily mean you're particularly upset about it. Anyway, the reference is to 'cutting remarks' and what not...i.e interpersonal.
Being thick-skinned doesn't equate to emotional coldness.
Haha I will keep that in mind...
[Now that I've had a few drinks] I'm of the perspective that I personally feeling this way because of a certain person, though generally I actually think I might find criticism harder to take from people I've just met or don't know well. That's totally backward, as I shouldn't give a fuck about what they think, but I do. Back to the people pleasing etc.
Aye, you're right. I'm not generally one for "giving it back" which is why I think developing a thick skin is the answer...it's not as if I burst into tears everytime someone says something awful, but it does stay with me. I suppose it's the same for everyone, the difference is some people don't give a fig what random people think of them. Ah well.
I'd never want to become a hard-faced bitch, I just think there's a lot to be said for a little bit of toughness. Middle ground is ideal, as I think I said before. :thumb:
The ideal is being able to switch from one extreme to other. :yes: