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Pointing Out Your Friend's Faults
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Have you ever had to point out your friend's faults?
If so how did it go?
I've just done a big email to a friend I've know for most of my life, as he's recently gone from being a really decent guy to one that uses you as the butt of all his jokes, etc and tries to put everyone down.
Most of it seemed to get triggered off when he bought a flash car and suddenly acted like he was better then everyone else when his previous car was an old banger.
Why is it some guys get so obsessed with their cars? I think it's because they have low self esteem and see their own personal image embodied in their cars somehow ...
If so how did it go?
I've just done a big email to a friend I've know for most of my life, as he's recently gone from being a really decent guy to one that uses you as the butt of all his jokes, etc and tries to put everyone down.
Most of it seemed to get triggered off when he bought a flash car and suddenly acted like he was better then everyone else when his previous car was an old banger.
Why is it some guys get so obsessed with their cars? I think it's because they have low self esteem and see their own personal image embodied in their cars somehow ...
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Comments
I don't know, apparantly some think it's a cool thing.
Maybe for some it is because of power.
Having a powerful car, behing able to show off and shit.
I think the love for the car thing is a bit sad really.
As long as it drive you wherever you want to go, who gives a shit really imo...
I dont point out my friends faults, unless of course they do something which i find totally unacceptible (cant actually think of any time this has happened...probably because my friends are mainly ace
I would definitly tell someone what i think of them if they turned to be embedded up their own arse.
As for the cars thing, some men think that it makes up for lack of personality/looks/penis
If someone starts bowing down to someone because of their car then they are as bad themselves. Cars and in fact any object means nothing to me personally, im all about *people*
On topic, I've never pointed out anybody's faults to them...let alone a friend's. That said, I'm pretty sure a lot of the people I know well are already aware of their own faults and desperately trying to compensate/hide them, so to point them out would be pretty mean-spirited.
However, if they're being a massive tool, I think it's completely within your rights to tell them so.
Hi ya,
It's a really brave thing to confront a friend when we feel they're acting unreasonable and the fact you want to help him suggests you really value him as a friend and don't want to see him lose the people who have mattered in his life. Have a look at this article on shameful mates How your friend reacts should give you an idea of whether or not they value your friendship.
Seriously though: maybe his new car has given him a a bad attitude, I think it's understandable- new fast cars etc ARE a buzz. If you give him a telling off, it might just do the trick, jolt him into putting it into perspective and to go back to being the reasonable friend he was before, only with a cooler car. Also, maybe he'll calm down about it if you show the car a bit of love, it might not be your thing but he's obviously achieved something he wanted and that he's proud of.
Supreme confidence in blokes is a good thing (so I keep reading) but a good mate would use their newly acquired confidence to try and build up their friends (i.e. 'you can achieve this too') not knock them down.
A little anger never goes amiss, either.
I used to get comments like "oh god don't bother she's too dumb" or "well that's the sort of thick thing you'd say" or "what with those weak little muscles" etc. It was either comments about my intelligence or my strength. I don't know where the hell she got the intelligence thing from, maybe an insecurity thing about her own but in the end i just turned round one day and told her she was out of order and that she was being really rude and reall harsh. She tried to laugh it off and say she only meant it as a joke but i think she then realised and apologised. She sometimes drops back into the bad habit but i just state my case rather loudly or end up making a sarky comment back which usually stops her.
I'm afraid i'm a sod for it though and usually have to bite my lip so i don't end up telling people when they're out of order because i have a very bad habit of saying oi you that's wrong to people.