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Girlfriend emailing Ex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone.
I've been with my girlfriend for 4.5 years and have been living together for 2. I was away all weekend and returned home this morning. I went to login to my Hotmail account, but rather than it asking me to login it took me straight to the inbox.... my girlfriends.
There were two new messages there from her ex boyfriend - both sent/received yesterday. I know I shouldn't have but I read the messages, and basically my girlfriend said in here email reply that she has been thinking about him a lot recently and how she would like to catch up or for her to visit. Then his other message was a whole bunch of photos of her ex.
She called him babe throughout and signed off with hugs and kisses, etc.
I feel really hurt by this, and wondered what other peoples opionions are? Should I tell my girlfriend that I know? It's her birthday today, and I don't want to spoil it for her by talking about this, but at the same time I'm really angry and hurt - if I don't speak to her, I will be distant and cold.
Please help - what does everyone think?
Thanks
I've been with my girlfriend for 4.5 years and have been living together for 2. I was away all weekend and returned home this morning. I went to login to my Hotmail account, but rather than it asking me to login it took me straight to the inbox.... my girlfriends.
There were two new messages there from her ex boyfriend - both sent/received yesterday. I know I shouldn't have but I read the messages, and basically my girlfriend said in here email reply that she has been thinking about him a lot recently and how she would like to catch up or for her to visit. Then his other message was a whole bunch of photos of her ex.
She called him babe throughout and signed off with hugs and kisses, etc.
I feel really hurt by this, and wondered what other peoples opionions are? Should I tell my girlfriend that I know? It's her birthday today, and I don't want to spoil it for her by talking about this, but at the same time I'm really angry and hurt - if I don't speak to her, I will be distant and cold.
Please help - what does everyone think?
Thanks
0
Comments
good luck
Do you think I should talk to her today, or wait for her birthday to pass?
You do need to talk about it though. If you pretend its all ok, then thats not honest.
Welcome to TheSite.org boards.
It must have been a real shock for you to have read your girlfriends emails and to find out that she is interested in seeing her ex-boyfriend again without mentioning it to you.
You don't mention whether or not your girlfriend has had contact with him before now, or whether or not they had a difficult break-up. Sometimes people feel unable to have a relationship of any kind with an ex until their life has moved on and they are comfortable with someone else. Then, sometimes people do re-connect with an ex, but it doesn't have to be on a 'romantic' level. This is obviously something the two of you need to discuss. You could either try and bring it up in a subtle way without letting her know you read her emails, or come clean - but be aware that reading a partner's emails is commonly seen as breaching trust, especially if she hasn't given you any cause to worry about your relationship and you were simply just curious.
However, as well as the issue of whether or not you should feel threatened by your girlfriend's contact with her ex, there is also the issue of reading her emails. The thing is that often people have friendships completely outside of the immediate relationship (exclusive romantic relationship) where a tenderness, or affection is shared, that often isn't anywhere near as intense, special or important to the person as what they have with their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband (this is not the same as an open relationship). But that doesn't mean that we don't feel hurt if we get a whiff of it - we just can't help it most of the time! However, that's a good case for why certain things should be private such as personal emails/text messages or other things of a similar category. You might find it helps to read this article which gives some interesting perspectives on snooping.
I hope this helps. Give yourself time to think about what's happened and I hope things work out for you
All i can really say is speak to her as soon as you can. But turn to be as understanding as possible and explain how it happened. Hope it goes well and it all works out.
Edit: Thought i'd add this has happened to me (well kind of), i put a forward on wifes emails as i knew something was going on and wanted proof. Well i got the proof i was after that she was having an affair, but as Rainbow said she tried to make out that me doing that was worse than her having an 6month affair with someone she worked with.
But i am not in anyway saying this is what yours is doing, just trying to make a similar point to Rainbow
So glad im out of that one.
do you have a new partner and is he ok with that?
I really would feel funny about that if it was me.
likewise i wouldn't do the same.
yeah i do... but i dont know if hes fine with it because he doesnt know. i mean, he knows im still in touch with them but not that i call them babe. so maybe that means i think he wouldnt be happy with it. hmm.
i guess it depends though, you might be the type of person that calls people babe a lot. sexy would be different i think...
Maybe you should say to your girlfriend that you went to go on your hotmail but it signed in on hers (which is true) but dont say you read them. Then ask her why she had emails from her ex and if you have anything to worry about.
If she freely shows them to you and explains herself then you probably have nothing to worry about. If she gets all defensive and refuses to show you then this sort of reaction would imply that she is being secretive, and you are right to be suspicious.
Yes it involves telling a white lie, but if you tell her that you read them then in her eyes you have overstepped the trust boundary. As RB said, she could start twisting the blame onto you for reading it in the first place, which you dont want.