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Boyfriend has a baby

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hey everyone!!

Hope you're all keeping well :)

Well, I've been goin out with my bf for bout 5 months now, when i first met him, he told me that a girl he had a one night stand with was pregnant by him. I didn't think bout it too much, just took each day as it came n didnt worry bout it too much. We got really close and by the time the baby was born (2 months ago) we were gettin fairly serious.

The thing is the girl who had his baby is really good lookin and she still really fancies him. He's told me loads of times that he has no feelings for her at all and that he loves me. He's crazy about the baby and loves her more than anything, it just upsets me that he has to be in contact with the mother all the time, she doesn't let him see the baby without her there yet so he basically sees her most days and is textin or on the phone to her everyday to see how the baby is.

Everything was fine at the start, but i'm slowly startin to feel abit left out, I'm jus can't wait until they sort out days of when he can have the baby on his own, i really wanna make a go of this relationship and i wanna get to know his baby too. I do understand how the mother feels, and i know she prob hates the fact of another woman with her baby.....

Just wondering if anyone is in the same position as me and curious to see if things are workin out? or is there anyone in the position of the baby's mother?

I'm interested in everyone's views on this please!

Sorry for makin this so long.....didnt know how to shorten it!

Thanks! ;)

Sweetiebabe Xx

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well he's said he doesnt have feelings for the mother anymore and hes just interested in his baby...cabt blame him really..sounds like a decent bloke. just stick it out n thing will work out ok when the newness of it all settles in
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks! u made me feel kinda better already!hehe, to be honest it's not much of a problem for me, the more i talk about it and tell ppl bout it, i realise how great of a guy he is! Just more interested in finding out if anyone else is in or has had the same experience as this.....and if it has caused many problems for the relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At least he is sticking by his baby. If you ask me that's a very responsible and mature thing to do. You should be grateful you have a guy with those qualities :) You just have to trust him, after all he hasn't given you any cause for concern, he's told you he loves you and that he has no feelings for the mother. If you want to make a go of this then you will have to be prepared for the fact that as the mother of his child, she will always be a part of his, and therefore your, life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the hard thing is, this woman is always gonna be around. The baby is 2 months old, its probably gonna be a while before it can be away from its mama, although im sure she will eventually be glad of the break. I understand youre feeling left out. I think he needs to make sure you feel included or at least very special in his life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with everyone else really, you have to trust him. He sounds like a lovely guy who is being a good Dad, it must also be hard for the baby's mother because she knows eventually you will be a part of her baby's life too. I think it's really important that you develop a trust with her which obviously is going to take time, the baby is still very young so like rainbowbrite said it will be a while before she can leave him/her with the dad on his own. I'm sure thats a scary thought for her right now.

    You've got an important job too and with trust from all sides I'm sure it'll work out great. x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At least hes doing the mature thing and trying to look after his baby. As other posters have said wait until the newness wears off, things will calm down a bit. As for the ex, you will just have to trust him, espicvally as he has said he dosent have any feelings for her but you cant expect him to cut her out of life because of the baby. My boyfriend has no contact with his son as the mum didnt want him to have anything to do with, and I know that still hurts him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mate went out with a lad who had a new baby, there still together now!! She was 17 and he was 21, the mother of the baby wasnt chuffed about his new g/f cos she was younger but when the mother knew they was a in a serious relationship she soon adapted to it. Of course it is gonna be difficult for the new mum - the father of her baby has gone off with a new woman. But my mate didnt stick her nose in, and she did say to me she did feel left out but she said to me her fella had to get to know his baby and let the mum trust the dad before she could trust her aswell (if that makes sense?!) Now the dad and my mate have the kid over at weekends, take it on holiday ect.

    You just godda put yourself in her shoes, what would you do if your baby's father had a new woman??


    Hope it goes well.
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