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Pondering...singledom - stuck in a rut?!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
In light of my recent experiences etc i've been pondering some things. :chin:
Basically, i'm 20 years old and since i was 17 have only really had a string of flings and things that never really came of anything with guys. been on a few dates here and there, snogged my fair share of randoms and had a couple of very brief relationships.
Now i'm not saying this is abnormal, its just that i'm so used to being single i wonder that if this affects my mindset and thus has an effect, without me realising it, on my chances of meeting a guy who i can form a proper relationship with? Everytime something seems to happen with a guy, it burns out fairly quickly. whichever side its from. I dont know if i'm doing something 'wrong' as it were, or if i'm too fussy or what. Or if its just because i havent met the right one yet.
I have friends who seem to go from boyfriend to boyfriend. or have pretty much always been able to meet people and maintain a longish relationship with them and i wonder whats going on with me.
Just wanted to hear other people's opinions and ideas on this. I know that i dont need to try and find a guy because that doesnt work really. just wondering so go ahead and give me some more things to think about please! :yes:
Basically, i'm 20 years old and since i was 17 have only really had a string of flings and things that never really came of anything with guys. been on a few dates here and there, snogged my fair share of randoms and had a couple of very brief relationships.
Now i'm not saying this is abnormal, its just that i'm so used to being single i wonder that if this affects my mindset and thus has an effect, without me realising it, on my chances of meeting a guy who i can form a proper relationship with? Everytime something seems to happen with a guy, it burns out fairly quickly. whichever side its from. I dont know if i'm doing something 'wrong' as it were, or if i'm too fussy or what. Or if its just because i havent met the right one yet.
I have friends who seem to go from boyfriend to boyfriend. or have pretty much always been able to meet people and maintain a longish relationship with them and i wonder whats going on with me.
Just wanted to hear other people's opinions and ideas on this. I know that i dont need to try and find a guy because that doesnt work really. just wondering so go ahead and give me some more things to think about please! :yes:
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Comments
It's not cos your friend go from boyfriend to boyfriend, that you have to do
it too. Being single is ok, sometimes it's best to be single than being in a relationship that is not what you really want. If she is going from boyfriend
to boyfriend it's probably cos they aren't that great so she have to change often. Do not worry, keeping living as you do and when your time come, you
will find a partner. No need to rush. Sometimes rushing make you end up in dead end relationship.
The oposite sex can smell desperation a mile off! this is probably why you havent had a meaningful lasting relationship yet.
I used to be like that, going on a couple of dates maybe seeing someone for a while but them being totally not right for me, but me being into them.
Then i sort of realised how young i was/am and that i should just have fun, so i stopped looking for that special someone and concentrated on going out and having fun..then i ended up with the girl im with now..nearly two years and still going strong :thumb:
What im saying is just relax and enjoy yourself, you're still pretty young!
Icey, i know where you are coming from, and thats exactly what i did last term at uni - i just concentrated on my work and just pushing myself to be more positive. I guess it worked out as i did go on some dates and met someone but that has since fizzled out (worried that because i got so excited about it i sent off the wrong vibes to him and he didnt want to see me anymore - even though i was telling myself the whole time not to get my hopes up damnit! but i guess i'll never know unless i do the psycho ex thing and badger him till he tells me lol. which i'm trying to be strong about and not contact him for a while no matter how much i want to.)
Its hard right now as i have just split up with this guy. I'm not looking for a relationship now - just cant deal with the hassle of it all and do genuinely want to concentrate on my work. But pushing myself to have fun right now seems a little too much as i still am pretty gutted the whole thing has ended wen it started so well. needless to say i'm feeling quite
Oh, and I haven't cracked the knack of making it work out truly long term yet.
We come out of our teens being ruled over by our parents, when we finally get the freedom we crave, why get tied down to a long term partner if they are not really your once in a lifetime true love?
I felt what real love was over 12 years ago, which for various reasons didnt work out with us moving to opposite ends of the country and her meeting someone else before I told her how I really felt. I held back knowing it would not work with us being so far apart.
Never felt like that with anyone else I have met so far, so other than a few brief relationships I've never been prepared to commit knowing they were not the real deal. I would prefer to stay single and have the odd brief fling where both parties know the score than get into a fake relationship. Too many people make the mistake of leading someone along to long in a fake relationship rather than be single, I think this is so wrong especially if they then end up starting a family. I know plenty of people who have done it only to cheat or leave when they eventually find someone they really love.
After being single a while I no longer mind, i've get my mates, go out and have fun and im free should the real deal love thing happen to come my way. Being single in my opinion is far better than a poor relationship, try it for at least a while. Being single keeps you young, free and interesting so its far from bad. Im far from desperate, im very content on my own, but if my chance of true love comes along I will be here to take it whenever it may happen.
its hard to stay positive and see the light when shit like that happens to you
But relationships involving 2 young people don't always last, do they?
Question for people who are in their 20s and are moaning:
Why exactly does it matter so much that you're not with someone?
it doesnt matter so much that i'm with someone. Because i wouldnt want to go out with someone unless i really liked them. Cant see the point in just going out for the sake of it.
The point is though, I wasnt exactly moaning either - more just questioning myself. I just feel as though i have some incapability of getting past a certain stage in a relationship, and for me i'm trying to work out what might be causing that. I know its not necessarily always me but I get the feeling that it is. I'm happy to have fun etc. Its just not easy right after you've split with someone so early on when it was going so well - hence me questioning myself, my confidence and my insecurites.
We cant really tell you why your relationships don't work out. Maybe you're coming across as desperate or something -no offense- in your dates and scaring them? If it bugged me that much I'd go and ask a platonic boy mate what was wrong with me, if anything, just to get some feedback. Lads are more honest than yer girl mates in my experience. They're the ones who'll tell you yer lipstick has made a run for it down the side of your face whereas us ladies will subtley stroke our own cheeks in the hope you'll get the hint.
And btw, you're 20 so I wouldn't worry about starting a relationship soon, especially if you're at uni or anything.
I'm exactly the asme. (I'm only 16, nearly 17 though)
I don't think it matters. But it does matter that I have never been with anyone, not at all. I don't even know what kidding feels like. If I knew what being with someone is like I'd be fine.
I'd better stop writing at this spot.
Because everything is so couple-orientated.
And the only people (bar one) that have supposedly been interested in me have been not in the least bit interesting. It's not necessarily the lack of someone (although being cared about is nice), it's the lack of hope.
You have tv programmes, both real and fiction that have women dumping or dissing guys for all kinds of things as well as having set lists for what they want in a guy. Experience is one of them, having had a rlationship before. The longer you go without, the weirder it becomes.
I mean theres all kids of thing sout there that say people have gfs and bfs int herie teens right through into ur 20's and beyond. If you havent't had the teen realtionship an dthen ur in 20's you feel like u have missed out, or even sometimes lack the experience of a realtionship and so you make mistakes that could cost any new relationship you have.
Also its not great to see couples everwhere you go when your single and seeing how happy they are, while you are there walking alone with no one o hold, no 1 to look at you with love, no kissing , no hugging, no sex, no great feeling when you mak eu rpartner happy, no funny stroies to tell, no shard memories, no pictures in ur wallet and no1 to talk to.
thats whay it matters.
Like those 1kg M&S cannelloni ready meal things. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat it all
House prices are another (unless you're rich and single).
Plenty of other things too.
On the plus side...more food for me.
but u can't buy love as easily as u can a pasta dish.
if I get true love for £4 then I think I would.
Books, movies, songs, games, internet quizes... They all assume whoever's listening has been in a relationship (I didn't say the word "serious", some people seem to add that word where it hasn't been said), like it's the normal thing for someone in their 20. And you know what? It IS the normal thing, and that makes it worse. Even if I (and anyone like me) get in one now, it can't even be the same as if I (and anyone like me) had been 14 or so. So much has been taken away already.
And you know as much fun as causal sex is and getting pissed and pulling some random person, as tempting as that is fo rme. I mean its not exactly what I want and I don't see it as a great thing.
I mean we are more civilised then that and any real loving relationship would beat some drunken pull I would wager.
I would if I could.
There's a lot better than me around, though. So it'd fail miserably.