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Little help please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all,
I'm new to the board and need a little advice. I recently split with my girlfriend. we were together a long time and it felt like we were going to be together for even longer. It was just before the holidays we split up and even though we still speak and see each other, all i want to do is be with her but she says its not what she wants.
I dont want to be the kind of person who pushes her to the point we end up never speaking again. all i want is to be back together and happy.
Just not too sure where to turn at the momment. I'm not sure whether to leave it how things are or try to show her that there still is something left and can be made into something better than it was before.
I'm new to the board and need a little advice. I recently split with my girlfriend. we were together a long time and it felt like we were going to be together for even longer. It was just before the holidays we split up and even though we still speak and see each other, all i want to do is be with her but she says its not what she wants.
I dont want to be the kind of person who pushes her to the point we end up never speaking again. all i want is to be back together and happy.
Just not too sure where to turn at the momment. I'm not sure whether to leave it how things are or try to show her that there still is something left and can be made into something better than it was before.
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Comments
All i can say is give it sometime? If she does want to be back with you, then maybe she will decide over time and remember what she is missing. At the sametime, you need to prepare yourself and attempt to move on. I say try and keep her friendship, but don't push her too much like you said.
thats what i know i have to understand, but it just hurts to sometimes realise that its really over. I'm lost without her and simple things that i do everyday dont seem the same anymore.
We havent really spoke about things in detail, or at least her feelings apart from her not wanting to get back together. But i get the feeling that she is hurt, but wants to be strong to get through it. Whats hurting me about that is that i want to be there next to her so she doesnt have to go through it.
maybe you need to say to her that you need some sort of detail, some sort of reason to make things clearer to you why you've split up- closure is often needed for you to move on. yet on the other hand this can be detrimental. I spent 6 months "trying" to tell one of my exes that the only reason i had broken up with him was because I simply just fell out of love with him. there hadn't been a cause, i just didnt feel the same- however afterwards when he ended up like a right twat i was glad i'd broken up with him cos it showed me his true colours. so it may just be that she doesnt feel the same.
get out there with your friends- not to meet other girls, but to meet other people in general, to be sociable, to realise that there is a life beyond the ohter half- or ex otherhalf in your case. surround yourself with family and friends
Its not easy and you cant expect it to be.
Do you have that empty feeling inside and that feeling of tightness in your stomach - if so then dont worry, its normal.
I know the temptation is there to call her and beg forgiveness for whatever might have pushed you both apart but in her mind (from what you've told us) its over. Not a nice fact but a fact none the less, and this is just something you will have to live with.
You are young and will no doubt meet someone new in time and fall madly in love with them, then probably break up and feel this kind of pain all over again. Thats life mate, its what we all do.
Only thing you can do is try and distract yourself and eventually you will forget about the pain and soon wonder why you were together in the first place.
Sorry about the whole structure of this post btw, im half asleep...
Thanks again
3 Years is a long time to be with someone and unfortunately we can't put a time limit on how long it will take you to get over this relationship. But that doesn't mean you won't!
It sounds like you could do with lots of TLC from your friends and family and try to remember that you will get through this even though right now the pain is still raw. It also might help you to remember that you are not alone in your situation - a search of these boards will be a good indication of that.
Take a look at TheSite's article on mending a broken heart if you haven't already.
Take care of yourself