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Rant
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Dear girls,
If you ever meet a guy that tells you he's in love with you, and shows it for quite some time, doing his best to stay sane all the while, and you don't have the intention to get with him, please, PLEASE don't:
a) give him false hope
b) try staying friends with him
Either do something nasty to make him think bad of you and live with it knowing that you've helped him get over a crush, or just try fading away from his life. Don't try to pursuit a friendship if you see that's not what he wants.
Best regards,
nmrmak
If you ever meet a guy that tells you he's in love with you, and shows it for quite some time, doing his best to stay sane all the while, and you don't have the intention to get with him, please, PLEASE don't:
a) give him false hope
b) try staying friends with him
Either do something nasty to make him think bad of you and live with it knowing that you've helped him get over a crush, or just try fading away from his life. Don't try to pursuit a friendship if you see that's not what he wants.
Best regards,
nmrmak
0
Comments
You cant expect someone else to try to get you to get over them. Thats up to you.
However i do agree that people shouldnt lead others on when they have no intention of letting anything develop.
*situations may vary
Girls can, however, make it easier for guys by not trying to pursue a friendship even after it's painfully obvious that he's in for more, because that won't help us at all in my opinion.
Then again... I can understand her too... if i had a girl friend who was almost perfect, i'd want to keep her as a friend and not allow her to drift away. But that seems to be the only fair thing to do if my feelings aren't reciprocal.
Sometimes, i just fall in love too hard, and can't fall out of it...my bad obviously... right now i feel like true, two-way love doesn't exist.
After all, this is just a rant...
that's a hard one... I'm not sure what i feel anymore... Whenever i see her and talk to her, i feel so full of energy, i just can't explain the feeling. Still, when i think that she just wants to be friends, it feels like it would be a lot easier to just forget about her completely.
She would be a perfect friend if i hadn't fallen in love with her. But the question is: would i be a perfect friend for her then, as i am now?
Emotions are a nasty thing.
I simply wish i hadn't fallen in love with her in the first place...
Edited to add: Please bear with me, i'm emotionally beaten up to death at the moment, so i might say something confusing or plain harsh or stupid...
I agree. And I think that you can be a good friend for her too. Particularly if you can find someone else to focus your attention on (someone you genuinely like obviously, not just someone to take your mind of her) easier said than done I know. After all, you will obviously care for her a great deal, and thats what friends do - care and don't have sex.
I don't think you can just blame girls for this too, because I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who could tell you about the reverse situation occuring. The only other option would be to say girls, don't hang out with a guy unless you fancy him, which I definately wouldn't want.
But since it's a rant, fuck em, fuck em all!
In my personal experience, the guy told me how he felt and we talked and i explained i didnt feel that way and we went back to being friends and we succeeded in staying great friends but 1 year later, I got a new boyfriend and just didnt even think about how this would affect my guy friend. Because of me not being sensitive about it, i lost a really great friend.
I'd sort of agree with that, ones you tell someone you like them and you get their reply, assuming they tell you they dont feel the same, it's upto you over time to get over that, as hard as it always is to get over unrequited love you are the one with those feelings and you have to deal with them, not the other person.
Staying friends is possible though.
I know what it feels like and i talk from experience in my replys. You are entitled to rant, thats how you feel from your point of view. Keeping inside without releasing it, not letting yourself get over, now thats not good, ranting will help you get over it. Regardless of what anyone says only time will heal how you feel, that may be a long time, it may be a short time. Unfortunatly we just have to grin and bare it as much as that sucks.
I'm not angry with her, as it's her decision, i'm just a bit disappointed in love, that's all.
I've edited your post slightly to highlight the parts i can relate to. I know the feeling. I have fallen for a couple of girls in the past and they havent been interested in me, I've then become friendly with them, which ive always felt was odd but as i said before friends can be better than nothing, anyway thats not what i want to say again. I've wondered what i am doing wrong also but i've faced facts and accepted that they werent interested and suffered the heartache. To be honest with you i wonder where it will end, i wonder is this always going to happen to me, i fall for someone they arent interested over & over again.
You think you are disappointed in love, your not alone.
You want to know the funny thing. I've done it again, fallen for someone again. Same circle, over & over & over
p.s. People who are just after a shag don't get heartache because they don't care about the person much in the first place. They do it just for a bit of fun... And they seem to be having more fun than me.
Your rant has got me thinking about how i feel now and how to deal with it.
Dare i say a lot of people are naive when it comes to love and relationships, thats where experience and growing up come sinto it, you learn from it all.
But fucking around gives you plenty of opportunities for relationships. A lot of so-called "fuck buddies" i've known have got together and had fairly serious relationships. Plus you gain experience and confidence with women.
Acting placidly like a friend around a girl and then slowly increasing your soppyness in the hope she'll fall in love with you back in return is a BAD strategy to employ. In fact, it's one the worst. One of my pals was really on his knees with his ex-girlfriend, being completely soppy and generally acting like a pussy. She could barely tolerate him and he got dumped soon as was convenient.
Take the lead, don't act like a pussy and don't appear desperate.
Manage that and you're halfway there.
I find that the the guys I know that have good relationships with nice girls are the types that not only have confidence in themselves, but also have a reason to be confident. Something like a series of talents (like sport, art, whatever really) that give you an ego boost when you do them, or give you interesting topics of conversation that you can talk passionately about. There are plenty of guys out there who have confidence because they're good-looking/able to beat people up/have lots of money etc, and these tend to be the type of people, who find it easy to get girls interested in the first place, but without something else to go along with this, I think most girls will soon see past this type of shallow confidence.
The motto, therefore, is to focus on yourself, and do things that make you feel good about yourself. Even if you're not amazing at it, you'll at least enjoy yourself, and someone may see how passionate you are about it, which can be a very attractive quality. I know it's a cliche, but it's much easier for others to like you, when you like yourself.
And this all comes back to Spliffies point of don't be a pussy. Don't always be available to kiss a girls arse whenever she want you to. That doesn't mean deliberately avoid her, but have a life, have things you are doing instead. Have opinions, don't just agree with whatever she says. Don't refuse to even hint at anything sexual because of the risk of her (shock, horror!) finding out you like her. Don't know if any of this applies to you (I'm guessing, though that it does) but it's always good to remember this sort of thing. God knows I need to take this advice as much as the next bloke.
And as an update:
She isn't ready for a relationship right now... that's probably why she got a bf yesterday.