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Self-harm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was thinking earlier tonight, about self-harm. And I realised I couldn't remember why I started to do it. I didn't know anyone else that did, not then, but I can't remember any kind of reasoning on my own that went along the lines of "if I hurt myself on the outside, it might not hurt as much on the inside" or anything like that, I just vaguely remember me picking up a knife and liking the distraction.
So I was wondering, if you that are experienced in these matters, wouldn't mind sharing if you can remember why you started, or what happened the first time you did.
So I was wondering, if you that are experienced in these matters, wouldn't mind sharing if you can remember why you started, or what happened the first time you did.
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Id left a dinner knife on my window sill though and just started 'cutting' my wrist.(obviously it was blunt and so just made my skin red raw).
No one I knew cut. I felt pulsing in my wrists, I became very narrow minded in my thinking, and panicked. I needed to release the pressure, and because of the pulsing, I felt it most at my wrists, so I would cut...and everything would go away and leave me feeling in control and happy.
Scary times. I feel at home with the idea that I used to cut, that sometimes I still want to cut, that one day in the future I may return to cutting. On reflection, I've learnt a lot from it, found friends who I'd known for years, who were/had cutting and they seem more drawn to me. I also noticed other SH's more everyday.
Fit in like..with other 8 year olds? :eek:
Oh memories
Now I just enjoy the rush. I used to just cut myself with knives, but then i found out about white spirit and cuts, it makes them sting and buzz nicely. I used to also bang my head on stuff or pass out on purpose and see what happened. I burned myself on a gas fire in front of my mum once, that was a mistake
Its hard to get out of it I think, just find stuff to do instead. I'm doing it less now.
I know the date and stuff from my journals.
edited for mistakes
Must be a new fad. I bet most do it to look cool and rated!
Well, fuck off then.
I, funnily enough, didn't start in school because it was the latest "fad". In fact, I was so surprised to find that other people do it too. I thought I was all alone.
I started it when I was at uni. I was feeling very low about many different things and then a silly argument pushed me over the edge and that's when it started.
I'll take that under advisement.
So what?
Oh boo hoo.
:rolleyes:
Is that the best come back you can offer? Oh dear. Get some sort of life, dear.
I wasn't really trying.
Life? THAT'S life!
The majority do it for that purpose, not because they're depressed.
I think I was around eleven when I started to self-harm... I remember kids would do something called a "chicken scratch", but I didn't do it to be tough... I remember vivdly being thirteen and taking solvents and cutting quite a bit... I never realised I was ill, that there was anything wrong with me until I was fifteen and my brother ended up in Richmond House for his behaviour... Then they asked if he cut himself and sad it was serious, but noticed I had a few challenges to get over.
I think I did it to externalise inner pain and it worked, but it wasn't a long term solution.
looooooool! No wonder your posting shit, your a kid! I cannot believe you reckon you beat up a an old woman and all that crap when your just a skinny little 13 year old kid who speaks like someone with a lung full of helium lololol, your funny dude.
Seriously monocrat, why don't you go and hang yourself?
You might actually be funny with a ten foot neck. I'd laugh, anyway.
I'd been down for ages, I was feeling rage at myself and the world. I was picking at my skin for a while. Someone at school cut, which is probably what planted the idea in my head. ON my 18th birthday it all got too much, and I took a pair of scissors to my arm for a good hour. The pain felt good, and it felt great to cause so much destruction. It was really soothing to watch the blood pouring down my arm and chest, and it was good to know that I'd done that. I'd attacked myself, I'd defaced myself, and it was what I deserved.
Why did I stop cutting? I was at a party, had an argument with someone, and cutting didn't calm me down at all. I broke the cycle of cutting = soothing. I had just started therapy, and that made me stay stopped, but the reason why I stopped was because it stopped working. Therapy worked, cutting didn't.
Stopping? I told one of my best friends when I was drunk and he went mad at me, but he was understanding as well. I slipped up a couple of times but the last time I did it was on 30th October last year. My friend still checks that I'm not doing it (he checked my arms for scars once when I'd only recently stopped, but we where both quite drunk at the time). I really feel that I dont need it to cope now, no matter how hard it gets.
Anybody else NOT start when they were a teenager/in school/uni?
I was 20 and settled into a full time job with a bf and living at home etc etc, a time probably more stable that being in school/uni.
Im almost 22 now and still do it but only now and again. Over time its just not the same anymore. The release and pleasure just isnt worth the hassel and embarrassment of the scars.
aye, I started when I just felt like my degree was going down the drain and I had very little motivation... again, made me feel in control of something I suppose. No blood, but enough to scar a bit.
But after calming down a bit, a few weeks later it just made me feel like a pathetic looser, so I stopped. *sighs*
so I've really got to get my arse in gear this year! (being the last year of my current degree)