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Underage, scared of outcome!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not sure if you have to talk about doing sexual things to each other, or wether just talking about sexual things in your situation is illegal or not

    you have to be very careful, disregarding what people might think of the situation, you may or may not have done anything wrong, im unsure about the law, but many people would view you as having committedf an offence, so innocent or guilty, do you really want to have to go through a case involving the police and the kids family

    id stay away to be honest, she might have helped you a lot in the past, but that help is going to be no good if things blow out of proportion
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate we all feel like teenagers deep inside it's just whether you're mature enough to take care of this girl.

    Don't have sex with her, that's the main thing. Right now you're almost like a parent or teacher figure to her so don't mess about. Now if both of you are mature I'm sure you'll find a way to settle this, I don't know you personally so I can't say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the reason teachers often get in so much trouble over these things, when they havnt done anything illegal, is because the rule of thumb in these situations, is often 1. is the person in a position of power or responsibility over the minor, of which most teachers are, thats why they get skinned everytime

    as turlough said, just tread the water very carefully, but my advice would be to try and put some distance between you and her, not because of any prejudiced views i have towards you, its what i would do if i was in yoru situation
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Damoore wrote:
    Yeah we agreed that we would distance ourselves from each other. We agreed it would be for the best. But it aint workin. We kind of miss talk to each other. We end up texting to see how each other is and to make sure we are both still smilin.

    the danger is, i know from what you said that she wouldnt do this (i assume), but if she ever turns around to someone, her parents, teacher, the police, or whoever, and something gets done about it, the fact that you have continued contact with her does not help your case

    the contact with her may very well not be in a sexual manner, but what biased people will argue, is that is exactly the kind of contact someone likes to have as it gets them in the least trouble and still gets them off, per se (not accusing you of anything here by the way)

    my advice would be to distance yourself, fair ebnough you have had help of this person, and im sure you are very grateful for that help, but id leave it there and REALLY! distance yourself from contact with her
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    still you might find in the situation you are, any kids under 18 are tricky to deal with, it might be legal to have sex with them, but it might still be illegal to "groom" a minor, as in under 18

    and it doesnt matter what your intentions are really, if your actions are similar as to what a groomer might do, then you could still be in very much trouble
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not 100% sure where the law would stand in these circumstances, but in my personal opinion I don't think you have done anything wrong. I wouldn't say you had been grooming her because the whole idea of grooming to me means preparing the minor to have sex with you - which clearly you are not doing and have no intention of doing. It isn't like you have been having cyber sex with her, telling her what you'd like to do to her/what you'd like her to do to you or encouraging her to meet you for sex. To be honest judging by what goes on on the internet today at least half of under 16s who use the net have probably had conversations of a sexual nature with someone over 16, or have looked at porn or something. From the information you have given in your post I *really * don't think you have anything to worry about.

    A relationship between someone of 16 and someone of 22 isn't something I would regard as that unusual to be honest with you, certainly I know people who have had such relationships. I think you just need to stop worrying about it all as much, the priority for you at the moment I think is to sort out things with your current partner (eg. break it off if it isn't working out), sort out your financial situation and focus on the other problems you mentioned in your life. Keep this girl as someone you have to talk to if you need to, but you don't want to add to the problems in your life. Even if you do decide to start a relationship with her in the future it might be better if you are a bit more stable within yourself, that way you could really focus on your relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would check up on the law, but surely for grooming to be considered from the point of view of prosecution you would actually have to meet up with the girl?

    Also I expect that the small age-gap and other things that have happened would obviously be a factor.

    In short, unless you did actually have sex with her then I don't see an issue.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Easy answer - wait for her 16th birthday.

    Problem solved.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Damoore wrote:
    Thanks for the advise. The main thing is I dont want to have sex with her. I just need a good friend, the attraction is caring and love but in a non sexual way.

    you have just said it yourself. you dont want sex with her. just stay good friends and see how things go from there, i know it would be hard if other people found out about the both of you but by the sounds of it you havent got anythin to hide. of course you will talk about sex everyone does whether your 15 or 50 its natural. i just think the best thing for you both to do is just be honest with each other and make sure you both know you dont want to have sex with each other.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,026 I eat threads for breakfast
    Spliffie wrote:
    Easy answer - wait for her 16th birthday.

    Problem solved.


    Exactly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This might not help much.

    In my old school I had a teacher who was about 23/24. At the end of the year he was leaving and he had a sexual relationship with a girl in my class. She was 16. Its slightly different but that was legal. Some people found it odd. But its legal.

    If she is 15, that is illegal because she cannot have sex yet legally, and you being an adult (18+) means that if you had sex with her now it would be classed as paedophillia most probably. If she was 16, that would be Ok.

    This is as far as I know. Some people think its weird. I don't, as long as its not just a fling or even worse rape.

    I think you are taking this situation very well and asking for advice shows your maturity and concern for how this may turn out. If her parents are unhappy (they actually don't have to know yet) about it you could always show them your thread to make them understand what the situation is.

    Hope it helped a bit.

    Lawton.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm very, very tricky. If i was you, i would personally break off your relationship with this 15 year old girl and get you're life back on track, it sounds like you've had a tough one. I know it's not really what you want to hear, as she offers you a lot of support, but things could get very different. You obviously care a lot for each other and just say one night if you bumped into each other while you were both drunk, these emotions could be taken 'further'. I know you say nither of you have sexual emotions for each other but you could find you're self 'really, really' likeing her 1 year down the road.

    Im going to be blunt with you i do feel the age gap is a bit big, im 17 and my 'cut off age' for a girl is 15. Going back a couple of years, many 15 year old girls don't really know what they want and havent experienced proper relationships or anything like that. When i was 15, there were loads of girls in my year who just went out with the oldest bloke they could find, some even going out with 27 year olds, just to fit in with the crowd. Im not saying this is your situation but just saying she might not know what she really wants. BE VERY CAREFUL if you decided to carry it on. Because i know if i was her farther and i found out that my daughter was 'seeing' a 22 year old, i'd make very, very sure he dosen't keep on seeing her. good luck which ever option you choose.

    ps. sorry for the long post
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lawton wrote:
    This might not help much.

    In my old school I had a teacher who was about 23/24. At the end of the year he was leaving and he had a sexual relationship with a girl in my class. She was 16. Its slightly different but that was legal. Some people found it odd. But its legal.

    .

    I thought that that case would be illegal because it's 18 for a relationship with someone who is in a position of trust.

    Ho-de-hum.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive never heard that before. You might well be right - I'm no lawyer lol. All I know is the other staff in the school know about it, and so does her parents. I don't think they are prosecuting. Maybe they just don't know the deal.
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