Lasting first relationships

Former Member · January 2006

My partner is in effect my first boyfriend (and without doubt my first real boyfriend if you insist on counting my 2 week 'freshers embarrasment' which involved horrible choked-by-his-toungue kisses and absolutely no emotions at all.) and this March we'll have been together 5 years. I've been living with him for about 18 months now and everything seems to be pretty hunky dory.

For a long while I felt a bit...well..paranoid about our relationship and a little voice was often whispering to me that first relationships never last. Now I feel much more confident and settled (but not complacent!) and I'm pretty sure that, whilst we may not be rushing to join his queue of mates who have been busy getting engaged and married recently, we'll be together a long while yet...

So, in my rambling way, I was just wondering, how bizarre is my story? Are there more lasting first relationships out there then you tend to hear about (i.e. you or someone you know) or am I the exception to the norm?

Former Member · January 2006

I know some people who have been together since they were 14 and now have 2 kids and the eldest aged 21.so they do last but then again you can never never guarantee who will last and who won't because some split 20 years down the line.
How old are you two now?

There are many happy stories about lasting relationships.

My first boyfriend was when we were 14 and that lasted 2.5 years but when I was 17 I met my current boyfriend/fiance and this is my first real committed relationship and this is still going strongly 3.5 years on.

Good luck with yours.You just got to keep working at it and appreciate what you have rather than wondering if the grass is greener which is why many many first relationships fail because of wanting to experience others.

Hope this helps.

Former Member · January 2006

CHEEKy wrote:

You just got to keep working at it and appreciate what you have rather than wondering if the grass is greener which is why many many first relationships fail because of wanting to experience others.

Ah, no, don't worry, I don't do that. I don't care about my 'lack of experience' and doubt that grass can be very much greener than it is here. If it ain't broken, why fix it?

I'm 23 and my boyfriend's 26 so we're not naive little teenagers.

Former Member · January 2006

????

Former Member · January 2006

im so unconfident and critical on myself

REALLY SORRY, THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE AS STARTING A NEW THREAD, BUT I PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON. OOPS!!!

ok, this problem has always been an issue for me, especially since high school. I have no self confidence!!! I cant actually find a thing about me that i like!!! Ive tried so hard, but im always comparing myself to other people!
Like, the other night i went to the pub, and when i met up with the people meeting, i instantly felt so ugly and paranoid - like they were talking about me and slagging me off when they went to the toilets/bar - but deep down i know they'de never do this!
i feel so insecure, its beginnning to drive me insane! its getting to the stage where i dont want to go out as much, bcos i feel as though people are laughing at me! My b.f says he loves+fancies me, but i really cant believe he'd fancy me when i have no confidence!
Does anyone know what i can do to help, or is it just something im stuck with??? I always try to dress nicely and do my hair+make-up, etc, especially when i go out. But, still, i feel hideous

Advice please!!!
Thank you!

Former Member · January 2006

The wife was my first proper girlfriend, and again that doesn't include freshers fun at university. We're going strong after nearly five years, I don't think that your story is so weird at all.

Of course part of me wonders what it'd have been like to have a few more notches on my bedpost, but I know it wouldn't have been as much fun for long.

Former Member · January 2006

My boyfriends grandparents have been married for 65 years, but they knew each other from childhood and where sweethearts when they where younger. So it is possible.

Plus both our parents have been married for over 30 years. My granparents would have been 60 years this year (but grandad died) and my others have been married for nearly 56 years.

Former Member · January 2006

with relationships and settling down, it's a case of leafing through people until you find one suitable.

sometimes you choose well the first time. often you don't.

if i'd have met my other half when i was 16, before i'd been involved with anyone else, then i'm sure he'd be my first and only.

if i hadn't have met him til i was 40, then i'm sure i probably would have been with a whole host of weirdos and losers.

Former Member · January 2006

ok so now for my oh so lovely story, which after all the current divorce is the norm shit, is so nice....basically my parents have been together since they were 16, im 20, i have a 16 year old sister and after 25 (i think, sorry parents!!) of marriage they're still going strong. They met as teenagers had a couple of relationships and got together and have been ever since.

Dont judge anything you do by anyone else, people get together people split up, its life, most people entering their first relationship wont expect to stay with the person, but the fact is we only marry the people that we marry because we love them more than anything else, and no1 can say when your going to meet that person, be it at 14, or 40, if he loves you and you love him why the fuck not????

Now im pissed off my face (although my story is true!!) but if you two love each other stick at it, i envy you and your relationship cos im in a brilliant one right now and im fucking it up cos im a paranoid twat (past bastard boyfriend crap which is no excuse to treat a nice one badly) but basically what im trying to say it, if you love each other congratulations, if you've got a good'un hang onto him and congrats

Basically what im trying to say is, no, 1st relationships normally dont last, just because statistics dont support it doesnt mean it wont happen, if we all stayed with our first proper boyfriend it would be wierd, but that doesnt mean to say our first boyfriend isnt the one and dont let your paranoia get the better of your. He loves you, your living with him and just cos it doesnt happen to everyone doesnt mean it wont happen to you, hey, my parents have been with each other for loooooooooonnnnnnnng and they still love each other so be happy and yay for you for finding such a lovely bloke

(again sorry i mean what i say but apologys for the drunkeness with it ))) xxx

Former Member · January 2006

Thanks everyone for your replies...(playboy, don't worry about the drunkeness - sometimes the best ideas emerge when you're pissed!)

It's nice to have some reassurance and support for my rational side and a big stick to beat away the paranoia. I guess the worries are/were all a bit silly, as I think Kaffrin put the nail on the head when she wrote:

with relationships and settling down, it's a case of leafing through people until you find one suitable...sometimes you choose well the first time. often you don't

Maybe I am just one of the lucky ones...

I suppose my 'ooer, this is my first bf, what's the chances of it really lasting' concerns are just part of the 'this is surely all too good to last' thoughts that a lot of people get, whether it's their first relationship or hundredth...

Cheers again, folks

Former Member · January 2006

It'll either work or it won't. I wouldn't worry if you've been together five years, but it's normal to worry sometimes, of course it is.

Just because you are with your first doesn't mean it won't work.

Former Member · January 2006

I've been with my current gf nearly 3.5 years now, she's my first gf, and infact, the first person I've kissed too

things were rocky when I was at uni and she took a gap year, as she really cant handle much time apart from me, so insecurities were rife, but all's going well at the moment

Lasting first relationships

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