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Confidence/Assertiveness
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
I need help with getting confidence, probably assertiveness, too. Great fun.
I presume that health is the best place for this as it doesn't fit into any other place fully. I don't consider myself ill, though.
It's always been an issue in different forms. What I look like used to piss me off no end, but now I'm not too fussed now, and I'm worried about my personality being naff and boring.
I'm pretty sure it's what caused my last relationship to fail miserably (but distance the blamable thing), and will prevent me from having another...not to mention the effect on future job prospects. I'm quite ambitious career wise, but it's all theoretical, as I'll not do much about it should the opportunity to move up the ladder arise.
I'm not entirely sure where it comes from, but I know it's the root of most of my problems.
As for the assertiveness side of things. I tend to start resenting people (unless they're my boss) that tell me what to do (or generally enforce their objectives over mine...whatever they maybe), because for some stupid reason I don't tell them to bugger off (if needs be)...which makes me pissed off with myself, too.
Thesite's advice on this kind of thing has been read, but any help is appreciated, if you can get through the inconciseness.
I presume that health is the best place for this as it doesn't fit into any other place fully. I don't consider myself ill, though.
It's always been an issue in different forms. What I look like used to piss me off no end, but now I'm not too fussed now, and I'm worried about my personality being naff and boring.
I'm pretty sure it's what caused my last relationship to fail miserably (but distance the blamable thing), and will prevent me from having another...not to mention the effect on future job prospects. I'm quite ambitious career wise, but it's all theoretical, as I'll not do much about it should the opportunity to move up the ladder arise.
I'm not entirely sure where it comes from, but I know it's the root of most of my problems.
As for the assertiveness side of things. I tend to start resenting people (unless they're my boss) that tell me what to do (or generally enforce their objectives over mine...whatever they maybe), because for some stupid reason I don't tell them to bugger off (if needs be)...which makes me pissed off with myself, too.
Thesite's advice on this kind of thing has been read, but any help is appreciated, if you can get through the inconciseness.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
I don't think confidence is something you can just pick up one day, but it is something you can fake, and as you fake it more it becomes more comfortable. It's sometimes one of those catch-22s that you don't get confidence until you have people, but without people you don't have confidence.
You're not bad at faking it, you just need to learn to ignore the little voices in your head, because nobody else can hear them and nobody else (worth bothering about) is thinking them. If you can start to fake it, and learn to tune out morons, then you're halfway there really. If you can force yourself to fake it at work and when you meet new people, then you at least give the new people a chance to get to know you. Which is how friends are made.
I don't think your last relationship ended because you were boring, but I won't go into why I do think it finished here. Except to say I really don't think it was you. I might tell you later, but I'm off to bed now.
See you tomorrow:p
Also your personality is far from boring. People who say things like "I'm crazy I am" but aren't at all eccentric are boring, not people like you.
I don't have anything actually useful to say on the issue though, sorry.
I think between yourself and Kermit you've pretty much nailed this one.
Confidence is like a shell, the more you exercise it, the thicker it gets, and the more you let other peoples thoughts and opinions chip away at it, the more fragile it becomes.
It is like acting, but the more you do it, the more convincing the act becomes.
It all comes down to being your self, but also showing no weaknesses or fears (easier said than done), and in some ways, how relaxed you are/appear to be, can be a direct measure of your confidence levels.
I'm a H&S manager, and when I got a new job in 2004, I had to present training to the guys in the works, 50 at a time. First time I did it, I was shaking like a shitting dog, but 18 months later, when I left, it was secone nature, because I'd got the act down to a fine art. 6 months on, I'd hate to go back and do it again.
Trying reading up on body language. Maintain eye contact longer than the person you're speaking to (within reason - else people will think you're mental), keeping what you say short and sharp, avoiding wittering on, head held high, avoiding slouching and looking down...etc etc.
Sometimes I can fake it, sometimes I just crumble and just mumble and shuffle along. I'm much better than I ever used to be, probably because I have someone to go home to every night if the truth be told.
A relationship which works well offers you justification for yourself :yes: .
Gives you a nice boost of seratonin too...nature's way of rewarding you with a biological high.
Zalbor - body language and the manner in which you conduct yourself is the primary means by which other judge yourself on this - so body language is the first thing you should get sorted out.
Then you should work on your conversational skills.
This will improve people's perception of you, you'll do better socially, and your confidence will become truer in nature.
Yeah, I think something along those lines'd help, but that's for a different forum/thread sometime!