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Me the bad friend!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Let me just start off by saying a happy 2006 to everyone at thesite.org! :wave: :D

Well a nice little problem to start off the year, well, not really start it off as its been playing on my mind for a while now..

Its not my friends, its me.
I feel like a really bad mate to a few select friends as i hardly ever see them. :( before i met my gf we used to go out nearly every night then as me and my gf got more serious it started to stretch out a bit, every other night, then every week, then once a fortnight etc.. now i hardly ever see them at all and rarely even speak to them. they do make the effort to ring me but now even that has become less frequent and im hardly ever at home to phone them(dont have a mobile).
Although they dont show it and are all matey with me still, i get the distinct feeling that they are pissed off that ive sort of ditched them for my gf - Not that i can blame them mind as i'd be pissed off too.

Well basically, im asking for ways to make it up to them that cost very little money as i dont really have any. The social life i used to have with them generally revolved around a pub or drinking, which i dont really do anymore.

These guys have been my best mates since i was about 5 and i dont want to lose touch or fall out with any of them, so please help with ideas!

Thanks

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm glad you've realised because theres nothing that pisses me off more than a friend who ditches you whilst they are in a relationship then expect you to be there when it ends.
    i guess you could start by telling them you're sorry that you havent spent much time with them lately and that you want to change that. i don't think you need to make it up to them as such, just start hanging out with them. go to the pub with them and just have one drink or go round to their house.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Icey, have you thought about inviting them round to your's for a night in? Buy in a few rations, a few drinks, make a meal maybe, that shouldnt cost too much, they might even bring something, that way you can all get together and catch up and it not cost the earth. Never know it might become a regular thing, you could rotate it so that you go round to different friends places. I know it's probably a daft idea, but its an idea nonetheless.

    It's all a great big balancing act isnt it, having to fit everyone in and keep them all happy, some times you forget about your own happiness at times too. It's expected that when someone finds a partner they will generally spend less time with friends, though that doesnt mean its the case all the time, to spend more time with their partner.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^^ I think it's a good idea, not daft at all. friendships grow, change, adapt- they have to to last. As you've been friends since you were five, I'm sure you're used to changing the bounds of your friendship, guns and robbers ave way to pubs, and now, pubs and clubs can give way to cheaper home entertainment. Congrats for recognising you could make more effort with your friends, it seems too many people really do fall into the trap of ditching their mates for a lover. Good luck, though I'm sure as they're all still friendly with you- you won't need it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just as a question, but what is the reason that you stopped hanging out with your mates? Is it becasue you were generally too loved up to go out, or is it that your girlfriend makes you feel guilty for wanting to go out? If it was the first one, then a night in with your mates should do the trick, get in some classic vids (maybe even the ones you know you saw with them 10 years ago) and have a great time. If it was the second one you need to sort out the problem with your woman, as you shouldn't be made to feel guilty.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I always do the same as you mate..I get a g/f ..but don't "ditch" my mates as such..just tend to spend a little less time with them..but they know forwell that I generally do it for a few months and then as the relationship gets more serious with the g/f..the more I will see of my mates ( it makes no sense to you, but it does to me lol ) I generally spend alot of time with the g/f in the first few months and then it tends to slow down..and gives me more time to see my mates and for her to see her mates. I've been with this g/f for just over 2 months..the first 2 months I will admit I saw my mates at school and everything but out of school..they hardly saw me..as I used to go to the g/fs house after school..and then go footy training ( I train twice a week, and play 3 times a week on a thursday saturday and sunday )..I normally would go out with my mates on a Friday night as my g/f works on a Friday night.
    I suggest apologising to your friends for somewhat depriving them..explain the situation and they will understand if you have been friends for so long :) You don't need to make it up to them, just spend more time with them and that will be enough. A suggestion..maybe go out with ur mates..invite the g/f along with some of her mates :)
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