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Really scared
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Is there any excuse for a man to hit/push/slap a woman?
My dad used to beat my mum up and hit me quite alot, then my step dad was violent towards both my mum and me although not as bad as my real dad, and now my mums fiance has slapped her this morning.
they are both downstairs and he is making sure shes not going to tell anyone.
I really didnt expect this from him. Now im really scared that its happening all over again and that my mum has found us yet another abusive man to live with.
What shall i do
Could it just be a one off, is it possible?
My dad used to beat my mum up and hit me quite alot, then my step dad was violent towards both my mum and me although not as bad as my real dad, and now my mums fiance has slapped her this morning.
they are both downstairs and he is making sure shes not going to tell anyone.
I really didnt expect this from him. Now im really scared that its happening all over again and that my mum has found us yet another abusive man to live with.
What shall i do
Could it just be a one off, is it possible?
0
Comments
you could try explaining to your mum that you have lived with 2 people that have been violent towards her/you already and you cant be doing with it again, everyone deserves to feel safe in their own house.
There is no excuse at all to hit your partner, and the behaviour is always inexcusable. Getting angry is no excuse, you should have self-control.
I would suggest talking to your mum, but I imagine it'll be like getting blood from a stone. Your mum won't want to talk about it, she will want to deny it, and there's probably not much point in having an argument about it now. Wait a while, and gently broach the subject with her.
Protect yourself, make sure your friends know what is going on. Domestic Violence is always unacceptable, and if he lays a finger on you you should be down to the police station quicker than anything. If you have a close friend make sure she knows what the score is, so that if this man does ever touch you, you can immediately get support.
Allegations of DV will always be investigated and often prosecuted. Not much comfort for your mum, I know, but you need to keep yourself safe hon.
Hope you're alright.
It is only natural to feel scared as you are in an unsafe situation. Talk to as many people as you can about it, get help and advice, talk to your mum if you can too.
I have nothing else to add to what Kermit has already said but wanted to say that I really do hope you are alright and that things improve.
xx
He suffers with depression so does react over the top to things.
Is it possible that he could have just lashed out without thinking, scared himself and wont do it again?
It wasnt a huge slap i dont think. But from what i heard from eavesdropping its enough to leave a hand mark.
I will say that it is possible that he has scared himself and won't intend to do it again. But how soon will it be before he gets mad enough again? If he is allowed to continue on without consequences then what reason does he have not to do it again?
see, i think that is possible.
but when it is a one off, that's it. just once. i was once in a relationship with someone who slapped me when we were fighting. i told him that if he as much as raised his hand to me again i would leave him so fast he could blink and miss it. he never did.
the problem with your mum, however, is that it sounds like she has become used to sticking around. this is the problem. this whole violence thing becomes a cycle.
now, let's give this guy the benefit of the doubt for a sec and pretend that he's in a crappy place and it was honestly an accident, and now he feels awful. you mum needs to let him know that it WILL NOT happen again, or she is leaving. and if it does happen again, she has to carry out her threat.
if it wasn't an accident she needs to get out asap.
Just to reitterate what everyone else has been saying... no, there's no excuse for this kind of behaviour and it's completely understandable that you are feeling scared right now.
Saying that, there is help available for people who are abusive towards others - and much as it's hard to comprehend when you're on the other end, there are usually things that have happened to abusive people in their pasts to make them behave this way. That by no means makes it acceptable - but it does mean that they can hopefully be helped.
Here are some links to some articles on TheSite:
Coming to terms with abuse
Domestic violence
You'll find some useful links on the second article that might give you some more in-depth advice.
Try to talk to your mum and offer your support, but make her aware of how scared this violence makes you feel.
If you need to talk to someone independent of the situation try:
SupportLine - Confidential and emotional support on the telephone for children, young adults and adults who are socially isolated, vulnerable, at risk and victims of any form of abuse.
Web: www.supportline.org.uk
Tel: 020 8554 9004
Take care
There are scenarios where it's theoretically acceptable to an extent...some drunken cow is attacking you or something like that.
it's possible it's a one off...but imo a man who hits a woman without serious justification has a serious flaw in his character.