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Boyfriends and female friends

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 months. He has a couple of very close female friends (who has has known for a lot longer than me) the other night he and one of his female friends went out to a comedy night (I had just returned home from uni for xmas) and then she stayed at his afterwards...he told me about it but I still can't help being paranoid that something might have happened.

Also, I have a feeling she fancies him and she has recentely split up with her boyfriend. I dont know whether Im justified for feeling slightly paranoid about it all, any opinions??

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you're probably being paranoid, has she ever displayed any behaviour that suggests that she might like him in that way?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the fact that he told you about it suggests to me that he has nothing to hide.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your replies, yeah I really think she definately fancies him, she rings him all the time wanting to meet up with her, sends him flirty messages etc...he's said she isnt his type but still...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you just have to think, he's with you and not her. and if you start acting all paranoid you're going to drive him away.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree with lipsy and ballerina, he is with you after all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, first post and all that :)

    Anyway, yeah, I think the fact that he told you maybe means that nothing happened? I'm probably biased tho, because I am a girl with loads of male mates... :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Paranoia is a dangerous thing.

    If hes being upfront id say he aint hiding anything. Its certainly not the action of a guilty man.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not convinced that being flirty and phoning him up loads means anything. This could just be way them two are. Especially if they have known each other a long time it could be completely meaningless banter. Long and short of it is that if he has known her that long then he will probably have had other girlfriends and wont let them get in way of his friendships.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend's best friend is female and he always seems to enjoy chatting to her on the phone and meeting up with her more than me but they have known each other longer and he sees me, and chats to me more than her and so he's bound to get excited about seeing her as its usually a long time between them meeting up now that he's at uni and 6 hours away from where she lives. I used to get paranoid and jealous, especially when last christmas he had met up with her and said that he proved to her how he can undo a bra one handedly but I am kind of over that now as it didn't mean anything, but I still do get a bit worried sometimes but i have to hit myself and tell myself that he is with me and not her and I know that they talk about me, he says how much he likes me to her etc so there isn't anything to worry about.
    Don't let your imagination tell you that something could be going on because I'm sure it's not, and I know that imaginations can get out of hand and it will just upset you and your boyfriend and could drive him away.
    Good luck and keep smiling!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He told you, which means he won't have anything to hide.

    Yes, you are being needlessly paranoid. If they've been friends without anything happening for a long time, why would something happen now he's loved up with someone else?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks again for all your replies, I guess I am being paranoid but Im just an eternal pessimist I suppose! I've made a conscious effort not to ask him about it too much and reassure him Im cool with it. Littlemidgetsarah I think I know how you feel, it must be annoying sometimes!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    the fact that he told you about it suggests to me that he has nothing to hide.

    My ex used to tell me when she went out with a guy she knew, going for lunch, a drink etc. So I assumed because she was being upfront, she had nothing to hide. Turns out she did, she had been cheating on me with him for months, then she left me.

    Sorry to be a bit negative, but just because he's being honest about it doesn't mean there is 100% nothing to worry about. Chances are you are fine though! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    My ex used to tell me when she went out with a guy she knew, going for lunch, a drink etc. So I assumed because she was being upfront, she had nothing to hide. Turns out she did, she had been cheating on me with him for months, then she left me.

    Sorry to be a bit negative, but just because he's being honest about it doesn't mean there is 100% nothing to worry about. Chances are you are fine though! :)
    this the one youve made a couple of threads about?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    My ex used to tell me when she went out with a guy she knew, going for lunch, a drink etc. So I assumed because she was being upfront, she had nothing to hide. Turns out she did, she had been cheating on me with him for months, then she left me.

    Sorry to be a bit negative, but just because he's being honest about it doesn't mean there is 100% nothing to worry about. Chances are you are fine though! :)

    I was going to say something similar but didn't want to be the first to post something negative. Just because he's upfront about it doesn't mean he has nothing to hide. If I or my f.friend want to hide us f.ing from our partners, we tell the whole truth about everything we do, how close we are etc. just leave the f.ing part out. If you're going to lie, it's easier if it's close to the truth. Be careful hun. x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah thats what im worried about, he could just be double bluffing in a way...but i guess theres no way of finding out without asking him and if I did and he had cheated he'd only deny it, so guess all I can do is trust him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This could go either way...

    I've had one scenario with one boyfriend and I let it be, only to discover he was cheating on me, even though he told me where he was, what he was doing and who he was with.

    However, my current boyfriend has several female friends and although he isn't with them all the time, they are stunningly gorgeous. And as someone with very low self-esteem, I found this really difficult to deal with. He's also in a band that are doing pretty well. I can't always make it to his gigs, and I know fine well that he gets a lot of attention from groupies and what not. I'm also a worrier, so I was pretty paranoid, though I knew I had nothing to worry about. 11 months down the line, and everything's fine.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is... be careful. But the best way to deal with this is to deal with it up front. Time him how you feel, tell him that you felt uncomfortable/unsure. If he's a decent guy, he'll listen to you, talk to you. His response will tell you whether he is honest or not.

    This is a major trust issue that lots of people go through. To be honest, it's a matter of time. Essentially, trust is the foundation of a relationship. Remember this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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