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boyfriend vs friends.......

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi everyone!

Okay so basically i have been with my boyfriend for 2 and 1/2 years now, yes it has been a rocky ride and we split a while back but things are going really well now and we have just moved in together.......... the thing is a couple of my best mates, (although they are never rude to my boyfriend and vise vera and they make the effort when they see each other) are just really hard to approach, if anything is ever bothering me or if i am having doubts, i feel like i cant really talk to them as they are very negative and give advice that just seems biased and hopeless! Its a complicated situation as i can understand where they are coming from as when we split up, it was him that made the break and subsequently it broke my heart and i was pretty messed up for a couple of months and i know they want the best for me but i am not stupid and i know my boyfriend and yes he has some bad points but so do i!

I guess i am just confused as in a small way i know my mates might be right and it might not work out but i am happy at the moment and love my boyfriend more than anything, i dont want to not be able to talk to my best friends if i have an argument with my boyfriend without being told 'i told you so'

Another example is that my boyfriend and I were going to have a house warming party but there is one friend in particular who he really doesnt like and she dislikes him too and he said that she wont be invited, but it just makes things so difficult, i have said that we just wont have it but then when i said well i dont like one of his mates, he was like, fine he wont be there then! At the same time my mate had a party a while back and invited all my mates and their partners and invited me but not my boyfriend! its just becoming rediculous!

I know it doesnt seem like a major deal, its just awkward and i am always in the middle of it!

Any helpful suggestions?.............. :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your boyfriend cannot be civil to your friends then he is a jerk. That's the end of it.

    Your boyfriend won't like all your mates, and they won't all like him. But part of being in a relationship is making an effort for your partner and their friends. If you cannot be civil then you obviously do not respect your partner very much.

    If your bf shafted you, then it takes friends a lot longer to forgive and forget.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know what you mean, my boyfrend has been recently feeling the need to point out how they shit on me and treat me badly (it only happened once and he wont let it lie) which hurts on two levels because other than making me feel like i have no real friends it pisses me off that he cant see that he is upsetting me by going on and on.

    i dont see how you can make them be civil to eachother if you have tried explaining how much it upsets you.

    in the end i just told my fella if he cant say anything nice then dont say anything at all. That seams to be working for the moment
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    If your boyfriend cannot be civil to your friends then he is a jerk. That's the end of it.

    Your boyfriend won't like all your mates, and they won't all like him. But part of being in a relationship is making an effort for your partner and their friends. If you cannot be civil then you obviously do not respect your partner very much.

    If your bf shafted you, then it takes friends a lot longer to forgive and forget.

    I knew i could count on you Kermit to give me a wonderful and vibrant response! :lol:

    He has made the effort but in all fairness this one girl he hates even pisses me off sometimes! guess your right, not everyone is going to get along! :banghead:

    Well funnily enough one of my mates just apologized to me as she went off on one yesterday and who knows maybe i am blinded by love! fun times!! screw it, its apart of life, might as well get use to it while i am young and then my knight will show up in my 30's!

    What an earth am i waffling on about! someone stop me! ! Okay goodbye! :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mel-H wrote:
    i know what you mean, my boyfrend has been recently feeling the need to point out how they shit on me and treat me badly (it only happened once and he wont let it lie) which hurts on two levels because other than making me feel like i have no real friends it pisses me off that he cant see that he is upsetting me by going on and on.

    i dont see how you can make them be civil to eachother if you have tried explaining how much it upsets you.

    in the end i just told my fella if he cant say anything nice then dont say anything at all. That seams to be working for the moment

    I think the key is to just not tell either of them anything! lol about one another i mean and then you cant lose! the thing with that though is i will either crack up with an overload of need to talk information and possibly be committed! or become a strong independant women! by god i hope its the latter! :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i get like that, it like

    "so and so pissed me off today"
    "well i told you they were all arse holes rahaaaah raaahaaahaa raaaah"

    here we go again, its difficult to have to get used to thinking about what im going to say to him because i usually tell him everything

    saying that i suppose you shouldnt have to not say things to him. its up to you really
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mel-H wrote:
    i get like that, it like

    "so and so pissed me off today"
    "well i told you they were all arse holes rahaaaah raaahaaahaa raaaah"

    here we go again, its difficult to have to get used to thinking about what im going to say to him because i usually tell him everything

    saying that i suppose you shouldnt have to not say things to him. its up to you really

    Well thats it i tell my boyfriend everything as well, unless of course its something really personal to a mate but everyday stuff, like if one of your mates is just annoying you, but its not like you say in horribly, its just on your mind, i wouldnt say my boyfriend holds it against me but once i did tell him something about the girl i was talking about earlier and then we were out one night and everyone was merry so they were talking a little and i was so paranoid he was gonna say it!! OMG my heart was pounding! :eek:
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