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i think im in love, but i wont admit it....(long sorry)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
right well, cause im young im probably going to get a few ''ah but your only 15/16 and bla...'' but i want some advice, sorry if i ramble...

thing is, ive been friends with my ex since i was like 12, so ive known him ages. We first met online and talked for several years and finally met in person last summer when i was in the area. Anyway, we started going out despite it being long distance (200 miles) and a 3.5 year age gap. And it was amazing, i'd never been happier, i felt like i was walking on air. It only lasted 2 months when he just freaked out and decided he wasn't good enough for me and ended it last october. I was gutted and wasn't myself for months. We kept talking online but he lost his job in early january so he went downhill. He got busy looking for a new job and that and after a while i stopped hearing from him. I tried to contact him a few times but never heard anything, so i left it and decided if he wanted to get in touch then he would.
Anyways....months and nothing. Eventually in early september he got in touch by finding my LJ and commenting. We got talking and i found out he went through a rough time, attempted suicide and such and i'd been through similar aswell. Anyways, since september we've been talking and getting on better than ever. He came the other weekend and i had the greatest time with him. It was sort of like the last year we hadnt seen each other face to face had fast forward.
Well, we just get on so well and just click, we have this spark. And i think im still in love with him, and i know i never 100% got over him. He said he felt the same. We're getting on better than ever, but my mum keeps saying to just leave him as friends and that i cant have a boyfriend till i leave school. I've said to everyone im not rushing back into a relationship with him, i'm just taking it slow and seeing how it goes. And im still not in a rush to get back with him. But i think im afraid to love him, because i was so gutted when we broke up before. We still live in the same places. I'm just really confused....its like having something you really want dangled in front of you but you can't have it. I suppose i've just got to give it time while i build my trust back up?

Sorry for the rant i'm just confused and wondered if anyone had some advice?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You may as well go for it...and ignore whatever your mum says.

    Personally, i wouldnt say it's a case of love...but who knows. Things can work in strange ways.

    No point in looking back at a missed opportunity.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as you said, give it time, don't rush things. after what happened last time it's understandable that you're scared to go back there again but it doesn't mean the same thing will happen again. if the two of you really do feel that strongly about each other and are prepared to put in the effort, talk to each other about how you're feeling, where you see the relationship going, how fast you want to take things etc then it has the potential to work. but, you do have to be prepared to feel hurt and to be hurt again. sometimes that happens.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do take it slowly, especially if there's distance involved, do wonder why you split up and see if the same reasons apply, and don't listen to your mum if you want to have a relationship with him.

    The distance would concern me more than anything. Things often feel like love when you're young, but they aren't really.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was in love with him before, everyone says we may as well go for it, my friends have met him and they said you can tell he adores me - thing is my mums being really funny about it, like she REALLY doesn't want me to see him. I've talked to her and she said he is a nice guy and he's not horrible in any way, she just said she doesn't want me put up on a pedestal like before and then come crashing down again. They both spoke about it when he came and had an understanding. But i just want to be able to make my own decisions without my mum frowning down on it. But i know i can't always please her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your mum is probably only looking out for you, but you need to make your own mistakes now.

    I'm not saying getting back together would be a mistake, but as I said, the distance for someone so young would concern me. As would the past break-up, and how it affected you.

    But yeah, if you think its OK, go for it. You need to be making your own mistakes now, much as parents find that hard.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess you're mum saw how hurt and upset you were when you broke up before, it's understandable she wouldn't want to see that again. but if you want to give it a go then do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Your mum is probably only looking out for you, but you need to make your own mistakes now.

    I'm not saying getting back together would be a mistake, but as I said, the distance for someone so young would concern me. As would the past break-up, and how it affected you.

    But yeah, if you think its OK, go for it. You need to be making your own mistakes now, much as parents find that hard.
    yeah, also the annoying thing is, my dad is fine with him, he wouldn't be bothered at all as he would say i have to learn from my own mistakes now and that they just have to sit back and support me. but my mum finds that hard as i was closer to her than dad when i went through all my major problems a while back
    yeah its mostly the distance thats holding me back, thats why im taking my time. He's coming again just after xmas so i'll talk with him then. Its better face to face.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i was in love with him before, everyone says we may as well go for it, my friends have met him and they said you can tell he adores me - thing is my mums being really funny about it, like she REALLY doesn't want me to see him. I've talked to her and she said he is a nice guy and he's not horrible in any way, she just said she doesn't want me put up on a pedestal like before and then come crashing down again. They both spoke about it when he came and had an understanding. But i just want to be able to make my own decisions without my mum frowning down on it. But i know i can't always please her.

    So ignore her. You're 15/16, right? Parents shouldn't be interfering over boyfriends and girlfriends at that age. You're old enough and sensible enough to do whatever you like.

    If it's a mistake, you'll learn from it. What it isn't helpful is others trying to live your life for you. You live and learn through personal experience, nothing else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah im 16 this month, and if i can legally have sex and play the lottery, then i think im able of making my own decisions on my love life, and i think you'll all agree im mature for my age. i just wish she'd give me more freedom. I really want to go down and visit him sometime next year (he lives with a mate), but i got a feeling she'll get all funny about it. I just want more freedom to see who i want and do what i want (within reason) with them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My parents were the same me and my bf met on the internet we too have a 3 year age gap and long distance relationship. We broke up twice mostly because of the influence my mum had on me not because she didn't like him but cause i was down nehoo in the end i had to make my own decisions and i made the one to get back with him and things have been fine. This is prob useless info but what i'm trying to say is it's fine for everyone to give you advice and stuff but in the end you've got to follow your heart 'cause you may regret things if you don't or alwayd wonder what if
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id say go for it. otherwise youll end up regretting it. im being hypocritical but thats why...cos i know what it feels liek to let that kinda experience slip through your fingers. just go for what's in your heart. dont second guess yourself.
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    BunnieBunnie Posts: 6,099 Master Poster
    you must do whatever you feeli is right, otherwise you will live with regrets. your mum is lookin out for you, but if you feel you wana be with this lad then you should and in time your mum will understand
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well sorry to go against the grain but I'd say talk to your mum. Your looking for advice anyway otherwise you wouldn't have posted this and your mum is going to be a lot more experienced in these matters than any of us. She also knows you and the situation a lot better.

    If you're close to her then tell her what you've just told us and see what she has to say ... you don't have to take her advice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    yeah im 16 this month, and if i can legally have sex and play the lottery, then i think im able of making my own decisions on my love life, and i think you'll all agree im mature for my age. i just wish she'd give me more freedom. I really want to go down and visit him sometime next year (he lives with a mate), but i got a feeling she'll get all funny about it. I just want more freedom to see who i want and do what i want (within reason) with them.
    I agree you do seem quite mature for your age. You say your mam and your fella have talked, were you involved in this discussion? Everything you have explained in this post you need to get across to your mam. Of course its only natural she wants to look out for you after the problems you went through after the previous split, but I'm sure both you and your fella have learnt so much from experience. Just don't rush into anything. Good luck! :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    vikki1825 wrote:
    I agree you do seem quite mature for your age. You say your mam and your fella have talked, were you involved in this discussion? Everything you have explained in this post you need to get across to your mam. Of course its only natural she wants to look out for you after the problems you went through after the previous split, but I'm sure both you and your fella have learnt so much from experience. Just don't rush into anything. Good luck! :thumb:
    no i wasnt involved, they wanted to talk alone i sat on the stairs and listened though :blush:
    well we've both learned alot, we've had a year apart and gone through some tough times and had alot of time to think, i realised when he came i could talk to him about much more personal stuff than before
    i think when he comes again we both need to sit down with my mum and talk together
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'd say go for it. if it works out thats great but if not at least you can say you gave it a shot, yeah it might hurt if it doesn't work out but your'll learn from it and can say you tried. hope it works out
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well today my mum had a moan cause she said we spent all our time cuddled up and said we were acting like we were courting, she went 'you're supposed to be just mates, not acting like your courting'
    so i said 'well i can still cuddle mates mum, i hadn't seen him for over a year'
    jesus, im almost 16 i think its about time i could do what i want, its like having a bloody rule book of what i can and cant do with him :banghead:
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