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my supposed fresh start

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
im at uni, 250 miles away from home. throughout my childhood i have experienced domestic violence between my parents for as far bk as i can remember and so all i ever really wanted was to get away. my parents are good people and i love them very much but my mum has/had a drink problem and her abuse and violence towards my dad always resulted in him retaliating. its surprising that i feel no hatred towards them. my older brother has always been going off the rails as a result but i always had to hold things together and try not to show any emotion. A couple of years ago things got so bad that i took an overdose but i realise in hindsight that it was a cry for help, and i do want to be here. i have never sought any professional help because i am ashamed and frightened of the repercussions. as i am getting older however i find that i relate many of the problems that i now have to my background. being away from home has not made everything ok, which was naive of me to think so, i have brought the emotional baggage with me. i cant be bothered to do anything here and i dont feel like i belong, even though on the outside i have many friends and im always smiling. i keep having nightmares about the violence between my parents. im finding the work impossible as i have no motivation. i have always found it impossible to create a meaningful relationship because i do not trust anyone and i expect the worst from people. i think i need to exorcise these ghosts that are haunting me.... at the moment i cant concentrate on anything, i just want to bury my head in anything be it drink or just watching films so that im not thinking about things. i know that there are support systems here at uni but i have too much pride to use them and to be honest being that ive kept this a secret for my entire life i dont even know how to talk about it. i thought i'd write here as a start. i know that there are people with much worse problems than me so i dont want to come across as self-pitying, i think that seeing a doctor to try and make me feel better with antidepressants seems to me melodramatic. i was just wondering if there is anyone else who has had a similar background who'd like to talk.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Swallow your pride and speak to the university counselling services or your personal tutor.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kentish wrote:
    Swallow your pride and speak to the university counselling services or your personal tutor.
    or somehting like samaritans - then your pride wouldn't be violated in any way - its 100% confidential and ananomous. but, nobody is going to make you have professional help and its not always necessary to deal with stuff. i probably can relate a lot to what you are saying... but at least you know the help is there if you want it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should definitely find someone to talk to. I would recommend trying your uni's counselling service in the first instance. You might find that you don't click with the counsellor you're allocated - if this is the case, don't be afraid to ask to see someone else. I've been through loads of counsellors/doctors/psychologists and discovered that the ones you click with can make a really positive difference. It won't solve all your problems but talking does often help.
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