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Im jealous and insecure :( plz help me on this one
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
well where 2 start...ive bin with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and i love him 2 bits he makes me so happy but i get jealous so easily for instance after we went 2 a party and after he kept going on about some girl who was there and that she was pretty & really nice i just went mad and said "well why dont i just try and be more like her thn!" i felt like i wasnt good enough or was being compared 2 her even though he allways tells me how special i am. I also dont like it if he goes out drinking with his mates its not that i dont trust him its his mates that i dont trust because they have beein encourageing him 2 sleep with other people and im so worried that if he gets drunk he will take more notice of what they are saying and maybe even act on it. Ive tried to just make myself not mind if he goes out clubbing but i allways find myself complaining to him about it after but at the same time i feel guilty for it because he just wants to have a good time and i dont want to hold him back he has even been such a good boyfriend by saying he doesnt want 2 upset me so he wont go but i would feel so bad but then not worry but its not healthy. Its driving me mad i dont know what i can do to help stop me feeling this way ... 0
Comments
Your bf will look at other girls. That's a fact of life. It's a tad insensitive for him to comment about it if you are scared of how you look- perhaps you should explain to him how you feel, and that you'd rather not have the running commentary, if its all the same to him. I have to say that I will point out a nice looking girl in the street to the wife, but then we have a secure relationship; she will point out any girls I miss because it isn't an issue for her. If it was an issue I would stop.
If you get paranoid and try to prevent him going out then you will drive him away.
Young boys who don't have a solid relationship will say that they prefer to play the field, and that your bf is missing out. It's all a bit of macho bravado. I suspect that he thinks that he isn't missing out, and that he'd rather go home and cuddle you rather than screw some bit of fluff he meets at the cattle market. There's nothing like having a girlfriend to realise how pathetic the nightclub meat market really is.
You need to relax about it all. Easy to say, hard to do. You're being a bit daft for worrying so much, really. You kinda realise this already, you just need to work on your confidence a bit more.
Do you have friends you could do out with on a girly do? If you sit at home waiting for him to come back then that is bad for you, as you just think the whole time about how much fun he's having, without you. And how he's meeting a supermodel right as we speak. He isn't.
Try and go out a bit more yourself, do things. If you don't have many friends go and find social groups and make some. Don't just sit at home mulling about how he's out pulling, and you're going to get dumped because of it.
You are a sexy young woman, your bf wouldn't be with you if you weren't.
I have been in the same situation. All it took for me was to actually realise (after many months and quite a few arguements) that my boyfriend did in fact love me, fancy me and want to be with me-if he didn't he wouldn't have stuck around for so long!!
Me and my boyfriend can quite happily mention now if we think someone is attractive, i think we feel more comfortable were we have that trust to allow each otha to have a quick nosey at other people and not worry that they will run off. And anything that bothers me i just tell him!
My relationship im in is my first serious one and it has taught me so much, especially that of trust. I can happily let my boyfriend go out for lads nights out and not worry, and i can go out with the girl's and both of us know that after a good night out with friends we have someone special to go home to at the end of the night for a cuddle!
Like kermit said going out yourself with the girls instead of wondering where he is who he's with and what he is doing does you no good! Realising that your boyfriend thinks your special and whats to be with you and no one else will give yourself a boost of confidence!!