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Flirting is her personality?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Wow, this is just a crazy one I never thought I would have to post.
So, my girlfriend of 4 months, who, I have known for nearly a year and a half; I care for her so much, so, so much. I don't want to leave her, I'm not even sure I could.
Here's the big problem:
She's always had a flirtatious personality, as does her friends, but she never really did it to much of an extent. She is one for attention, mainly because she had a very rough time a few years ago, feeling unloved, unwanted, etc. (Which has now subsided, but the want for attention remains) It bugged me slightly early in the relationship, so I asked her to stop, and she did. Everything is great, but about a month an a half ago, I noticed it returning...but it wasn't the same, it was more of a non-chalant flirting mode, like taking a hat and putting it on, poking, etc. Normally, I would say she was returning to her old ways, but it's gotten worse, now, it isn't flirting, it's to EVERYONE, not just to random guys, but to girls, older people, and even parents. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she becomes defensive and demands an explanation on what 'flirting actually is' and ends usually with the phrase, 'everyone just needs to get over it'.
The problem worsens, as now, her high school classmates are beginning to call her derogatory names, and her parents are beginning to do the same. (Even though she is in no way a slut or whore at all, in fact, quite the opposite)
This has become second nature to her, and she doesn't even see herself doing it. It seems she feels it is totally normal, and doesn't see flirting whatsoever, yet can't figure out why people are calling her these things, and random guys hitting on her.
I talked to one of her best friends whom I trust very much, and she maintains as well that something has to be done, and totally sees everything that I see and agrees whole heartedly.
Any suggestions on how to approach this issue calmly, without hurting her, nor angering her too much. She needs to know about this, and see what she is doing, but I am worried it almost is impossible. :nervous:
Thank you so much, and I can't leave her, so don't suggest it... :no:
So, my girlfriend of 4 months, who, I have known for nearly a year and a half; I care for her so much, so, so much. I don't want to leave her, I'm not even sure I could.
Here's the big problem:
She's always had a flirtatious personality, as does her friends, but she never really did it to much of an extent. She is one for attention, mainly because she had a very rough time a few years ago, feeling unloved, unwanted, etc. (Which has now subsided, but the want for attention remains) It bugged me slightly early in the relationship, so I asked her to stop, and she did. Everything is great, but about a month an a half ago, I noticed it returning...but it wasn't the same, it was more of a non-chalant flirting mode, like taking a hat and putting it on, poking, etc. Normally, I would say she was returning to her old ways, but it's gotten worse, now, it isn't flirting, it's to EVERYONE, not just to random guys, but to girls, older people, and even parents. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she becomes defensive and demands an explanation on what 'flirting actually is' and ends usually with the phrase, 'everyone just needs to get over it'.
The problem worsens, as now, her high school classmates are beginning to call her derogatory names, and her parents are beginning to do the same. (Even though she is in no way a slut or whore at all, in fact, quite the opposite)
This has become second nature to her, and she doesn't even see herself doing it. It seems she feels it is totally normal, and doesn't see flirting whatsoever, yet can't figure out why people are calling her these things, and random guys hitting on her.
I talked to one of her best friends whom I trust very much, and she maintains as well that something has to be done, and totally sees everything that I see and agrees whole heartedly.
Any suggestions on how to approach this issue calmly, without hurting her, nor angering her too much. She needs to know about this, and see what she is doing, but I am worried it almost is impossible. :nervous:
Thank you so much, and I can't leave her, so don't suggest it... :no:
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Comments
I don't know, i'm tired and not really awake yet perhaps i read your post wrong or maybe you've made a big deal out of nothing particularly big.
I'm fairly sure your safe there ... i'm pretty sure no ones going to tell you to leave her because she flirts.
Stop worrying.
You could always talk about how you feel, but that could make her feel bad and then she could get annoyed.
If thats her personality though, and you want to change her, she wont be the same person. ISnt that one of the reasons you like her?
try talking to her?
So, its just behaviour...habit...it doesnt mean anything unless you actually want it to.
Alls im saying is that if its unintentional (im sure your straight enough in the head to see if your missus is actually trying to get into someone elses pants with it) then it doesnt matter.
I think you've built this one up a lil more than what it actually is.
I've never been a fan of flirtacious behaviour with my women, it just bugs me. And it's usually a thing I can deal without with much trouble, but with her it's a little beyond. Like, she'll do things that make everyone feel wierd, such as rub someone's stomach in a flirty type manner that is 40 years older... (Happened last night)
It's kind of to an extent to where people would have relatively no idea we were together unless I had my arm around her, it just is slightly embarassing I suppose, and I'm trying to get a way to tell her that without making her feel horrible, or angry.
I kind of like the idea that Claire88 had, what does everyone else think?