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Long term Girlfriend has "new" Male friends?!?!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now.
This is the story...
At the beginning of the year, she told me she'd met a bloke in a pub. She said they were only friends and they'd gone out for a drinks once or twice. I wasn't pleased and she said she would understand if I was unhappy, and she stopped contact with him.
Then... last weekend, she told me she never stopped contact with him. They carried on meeting up for drinks, etc, and she's been to his house a few times. She then said she had met another bloke, again, they are only friends.
Although she said she would never cheat on me, and nothing has happened between them (yet?) I am glad she told me but for the best part of a year, she lied to me?!?!
I know girls and blokes can be friends, but out of everyone I know, they all said it's not quite what the way it should be. If you're in a relationship, would you meet someone for drinks, go to their house? And then to lie about it for so long?
She said she wants to carry on meeting up with them, as well be with me.
Not quite what I had in mind! :eek:
My head is all over the place!
:crazyeyes
This is the story...
At the beginning of the year, she told me she'd met a bloke in a pub. She said they were only friends and they'd gone out for a drinks once or twice. I wasn't pleased and she said she would understand if I was unhappy, and she stopped contact with him.
Then... last weekend, she told me she never stopped contact with him. They carried on meeting up for drinks, etc, and she's been to his house a few times. She then said she had met another bloke, again, they are only friends.
Although she said she would never cheat on me, and nothing has happened between them (yet?) I am glad she told me but for the best part of a year, she lied to me?!?!
I know girls and blokes can be friends, but out of everyone I know, they all said it's not quite what the way it should be. If you're in a relationship, would you meet someone for drinks, go to their house? And then to lie about it for so long?
She said she wants to carry on meeting up with them, as well be with me.
Not quite what I had in mind! :eek:
My head is all over the place!
:crazyeyes 0
Comments
Maybe send this post to her, and changing all she's to you.
-You trust her, and she genuinely has just made friends with these guys (why would she lie though?). Four years is a long time, and you know her better than most people.
-You don't trust her, and in that case you really need to sit down and sort this out.
-You go and meet these people too. If they are just friends, surely they'll have no objection in your missus bringing her boyf along.
I'm a bit biased from experience (my ex split with me-pretty sure it was for another guy she had been seeing before we split), but if I could give you one piece of advice, then it would be to sit down and sort these issues out now, because you'll drive yourself nuts if you don't. If your girlfriend cares about you, then she'll understand, just be sure that when you discuss this, you don't fly off the handle and accuse her of anything, because you don't know for sure - she could well be telling the truth. Take your time to get to the bottom of this and you might find it is genuinely something and nothing
There is another thing.
Purely out of principle, and also because "it's not the done thng," I'd prefer she didn't see them at all. Even some girls I know of (I'm not friends with them myself, so I haven't done the same thing) think that this is a dodgy situation and that she's done it the wrong way.
That is just horrible. Your boyfriend should not dictate who can be your friend and who you can hang out with.
But she only lied because you were being an unreasonable jerk.
So she has male friends? Wow!
I quite regularly go to the pictures with my female friends. I've gone just as a twosome before. My wife don't care, why should she?
I'm not surprised she lied if you banned her from seeing her friends. She wasn't right to lie, but it is completely your fault that she lied. She should have been honest and told you to piss off and let her do what she wanted, but you wouldn't have liked that.
You are being unreasonable and you are being a selfish jerk.
So when your in a relationship, you can only go to a friend of the opposite sex's house with a reason? You can't just go to hang out?
Exactly. I have male friends that I go out with, but my other half doesn't care.
I did. I used to stay the night at a male friends house, but nothing ever happened
What about going to the pictures with a close friend of the opposite sex?
Or going to the pub with them? Or doing lunch with them?
It's not a warning sign at all. I regularly just hang out with my female mates, and quite often the wife isn't there.
Am I shagging them all? Am I going to? Of course not.
I think men who try to dictate to their partners who they can see, and when they can see them, are pathetic losers. They are pathetic, they are unreasonable, and they are jerks.
Their gfs should tell them to fuck off, and go and see their mates anyway.
he's a cunt. Dump him.
I couldn't beleive it, I had just slept in that bed with her and then shes having sex with another guy and then later that day having sex with me.
I feel verts pain man, i really do.
My ex said the same... 'we're just friends' and then finally admitted the truth.
I was really cut up. She said she loved me, and then did that. when I asked why she said she didn't want to get close to me because she didn't want to be hurt so by seeing someone else, she couldn't form a bond.
I loved her so much, that was a year ago and since I havn't had a relationship... just cant get over it
I've had one night stands but thats it.
I have known lots of girls who have been in short term and long term relationships and while in them met a new guy and become "friends" and gone out drinking and what ever with them, meeting them a lot. In a few of the cases they were just friends, guys they met through a friend of a friend, guys they met through work or what ever. However, in several of these cases, the girls only chose to keep intouch with these men and continue to see them because it was leading somewhere and they were at a point to finish with their boyfriends or just wanted to cheat because they could. A couple dumped their old boyfriends and began seeing the new guy, a couple of the others just cheated a few times then went back to their boyfriend keeping it all secret.
It ccomes down to whether your girlfriend is a good trust and honest girl. She did tell you the truth eventually, but she did lie first too...
In any event, it shouldn't matter. If it's a stable relationship it won't matter because it's nothing more than a few friends, and if it's not a stable relationship then it won't matter because if two people are going to break up then they will.
but nooo... she goes snooping through my phone records and asks me leading questions to try and make trouble instead. :banghead:
But at the same time, if the OP is going to be a moron about it, I can't really blame her for doing so.
She should have been open, honest, and told the OP where to ram it.
And even if some guys could put up with it, if you can't, then don't. Find another woman.