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Does she still fancy me?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Does she still fancy me?
It's a funny kind of question. I'm sure everybody's asked themself it at some point in a relationship, so a lot of the replies (I think) will be saying it's just a phase, etc. But, sometimes when you look into your partners eyes, how do you react when that twinkle is gone. That light in her eyes that makes you feel like you're the only one for them. And then there's the physical side of it. They're not really turned on by you that much anymore, they don't find the physical side of your relationship that satisfying but definately wont bring it up because they dont want to hurt your confidence.
And then as your confidence starts to get lower, the little things start to get to you. Like, how they look at other people (I know all partners do this, I do it, look but not touch) but... you take it personally. You think "Why are they looking at them when they can look at me?". My girlfriend said to me the other day that I wasn't obviously fit, which knocked my confidence quite a bit. I know what she meant, but in my experience when you really fancy someone they're always obviously fit, I know my girlfriend and past girlfriends haev been. Even if they look awful, you just think "wow!". Looking at past girlfriends now, I see they're just kinda average.
I shouldn't let it bother me so much, and I should speak to her, in fact we did have a little conversation today - brought up by her - she's slightly worried that she might be fed up of me because she doesn't know why she's always down when shes with me. I asked her if she was and she wasn't sure. She said she didnt think she was, then we kissed, and she said she definately wasnt. Which was reassuring. But I still cant help the fact I feel like shes not really attracted to me anymore. I know she loves me, I can tell by the way she cares, but I think you have to fancy someone if you're going out.
What can I do? Speaking to her further is just going to entrench the problem, because she doesn't have the answers, unless I'm asking the wrong questions. Just ignoring it isn't helping taht much, because my confidence is ebbing away and I think I'm at a real low point over the past couple of years. I used to feel like I was gods gift to women and had them hurling themselves at me, and now I just feel... like second best. The kind of person an opportunist would go out with rather than someone really fancying me.
Sigh. Any input would be appreciated, it's getting me down a bit. Thanks
It's a funny kind of question. I'm sure everybody's asked themself it at some point in a relationship, so a lot of the replies (I think) will be saying it's just a phase, etc. But, sometimes when you look into your partners eyes, how do you react when that twinkle is gone. That light in her eyes that makes you feel like you're the only one for them. And then there's the physical side of it. They're not really turned on by you that much anymore, they don't find the physical side of your relationship that satisfying but definately wont bring it up because they dont want to hurt your confidence.
And then as your confidence starts to get lower, the little things start to get to you. Like, how they look at other people (I know all partners do this, I do it, look but not touch) but... you take it personally. You think "Why are they looking at them when they can look at me?". My girlfriend said to me the other day that I wasn't obviously fit, which knocked my confidence quite a bit. I know what she meant, but in my experience when you really fancy someone they're always obviously fit, I know my girlfriend and past girlfriends haev been. Even if they look awful, you just think "wow!". Looking at past girlfriends now, I see they're just kinda average.
I shouldn't let it bother me so much, and I should speak to her, in fact we did have a little conversation today - brought up by her - she's slightly worried that she might be fed up of me because she doesn't know why she's always down when shes with me. I asked her if she was and she wasn't sure. She said she didnt think she was, then we kissed, and she said she definately wasnt. Which was reassuring. But I still cant help the fact I feel like shes not really attracted to me anymore. I know she loves me, I can tell by the way she cares, but I think you have to fancy someone if you're going out.
What can I do? Speaking to her further is just going to entrench the problem, because she doesn't have the answers, unless I'm asking the wrong questions. Just ignoring it isn't helping taht much, because my confidence is ebbing away and I think I'm at a real low point over the past couple of years. I used to feel like I was gods gift to women and had them hurling themselves at me, and now I just feel... like second best. The kind of person an opportunist would go out with rather than someone really fancying me.
Sigh. Any input would be appreciated, it's getting me down a bit. Thanks
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I think she's wonderful. Emotionally, she's been through more with me than anyone else in the world and I'd trust her to the end of the earth, she embodies everything I've ever wanted in a partner and more, she makes me feel nice inside when shes with me. Physically, I think she's sex on legs, she's the hottest girl in the world, and also beutiful and pretty in a modest way too (she normally dresses quite modestly, which I like a lot).
It's really awkward when we lie there and cuddle. I'll kiss her several times, and she'll seem disinterested. A one off I don't mind, but it's a worrying trend, it's normally because somethings bothering her, but when shes with me something's always bothering her. I try to take her mind of it most the time or resolve it, but I don't know how good I am it. I guess she could be tired of the routine, she's going out with her friends more. I wanted to take her out with my friends to see harry potter but she said she was going to go with her friends, etc. and I know it's childish of me but I do feel rejected a lot of the time. She has one friend, who's male and is gay, and they're like best friends, and I get really jealous - because she seems tonnes more interested in him than me. Like, they'll go out 'guy watching' and stuff, or look at soft porn girls mags (where theyve got men wearing nothing but a thong etc.).
I dunno. I just want her to be interested in me again. One of the issues is when I talk to her about something that interests me, she's disinterested. We have difficulty connecting about things these days. It hurts when she's got chemistry with other guys and not with me.
Are you sure that it's not a case of you losing interest in her, and desperately wanting to find a reason to end it? I don't know the relationship, but my immediate reaction was that you don't fancy her anymore, not the other way around, and that is why you are hyper-sensitive to any "problems" in how she treats you.
For the record, the honeymoon period doesn't stay forever. There won't be the same spark after a year as after a month.