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Ze girlfriend...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, i've been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months today (woo, i don't even get to see her either!) It's not long distance or anything, just a short bus journey away, so we see each other about 3/4 times a week, although for only ~3/4hours each time
Throughout these 4 months its felt as if i've had to put in most of the effort, and the only thing she's committed to is her work, not me. Fair enough, she wants to go to a good uni, but it does feel as if i'm just there for when she wants me and nothing else. She's not exactly making me feel very important tbh.
But now, and I dunno if i'm over-reacting here, she wont even be able to come out during the night/stay round mine for my birthday (this coming friday). Her reason for this is that she's got a Cambridge interview for the thursday after that. Now, this is 6 days after, so I dont see what the problem would be. Her excuse was "i have 2 books to read for the interview", which she has just under 2 weeks to do now. After I asked her she said "it's not about the reading, just I cant afford to miss out on sleep". Because, staying round mine means she wont get any sleep
Last night, when i questioned her about this, she got into a big mood with me, saying I dont understand etc, and just seemed off with me for the rest of the night (after I had just taken her out as well!). In all fairness, I think I should have been the one pissed off at that time, yet I didnt raise my voice at all (unlike her, woo) and actually put in some effort to talk when she was being quiet and just watching tv. She's 18 in a few weeks and sometimes still acts like a spoilt kid, getting everything but giving little or nothing back
She's just never prepared to give up anything for me, whereas in my past relationships, both me and the partner at the time did everything for eachother. So i dunno if its just me expecting too much from her, or just her being a bitch to me
She's going to some ball tonight, so I wont see her, and she'll be doing her work during the afternoon so I probably wont even get to talk to her at all today. Coming onto msn and working at the same time is too much effort for her - and they say women can multitask :}
So to sum up my long, poorly-written post; am I right in being annoyed with her, or am I just over-reacting?
Throughout these 4 months its felt as if i've had to put in most of the effort, and the only thing she's committed to is her work, not me. Fair enough, she wants to go to a good uni, but it does feel as if i'm just there for when she wants me and nothing else. She's not exactly making me feel very important tbh.
But now, and I dunno if i'm over-reacting here, she wont even be able to come out during the night/stay round mine for my birthday (this coming friday). Her reason for this is that she's got a Cambridge interview for the thursday after that. Now, this is 6 days after, so I dont see what the problem would be. Her excuse was "i have 2 books to read for the interview", which she has just under 2 weeks to do now. After I asked her she said "it's not about the reading, just I cant afford to miss out on sleep". Because, staying round mine means she wont get any sleep
Last night, when i questioned her about this, she got into a big mood with me, saying I dont understand etc, and just seemed off with me for the rest of the night (after I had just taken her out as well!). In all fairness, I think I should have been the one pissed off at that time, yet I didnt raise my voice at all (unlike her, woo) and actually put in some effort to talk when she was being quiet and just watching tv. She's 18 in a few weeks and sometimes still acts like a spoilt kid, getting everything but giving little or nothing back She's just never prepared to give up anything for me, whereas in my past relationships, both me and the partner at the time did everything for eachother. So i dunno if its just me expecting too much from her, or just her being a bitch to me
She's going to some ball tonight, so I wont see her, and she'll be doing her work during the afternoon so I probably wont even get to talk to her at all today. Coming onto msn and working at the same time is too much effort for her - and they say women can multitask :}
So to sum up my long, poorly-written post; am I right in being annoyed with her, or am I just over-reacting?
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Comments
But yah, i'll try talk to her again, even though she'll probably just start telling me that I dont understand and just stop talking to me.
Some girls >:|
Back off or you will lose her.
she's right to concentrate on her studies but it is your birthday!
On the other hand- although the 9-16 hours a week that you do get is a fair chunk of time.
Starting to look for another girlfriend would be my suggestion.
I never understand that. Issues can be worked through and if you really love a person, jumping into another relationship just causes more problems in my opinion.
But now she just invited me to lunch with her parents and a grandparent without even asking me about it... I think i'm going to die
I think she's right- you don't understand. Cambridge is a big thing for her, and the interviews are really difficult, and you're moaning that you can't see her instead of supporting her through something that is a huge deal to her.
I don't think people who haven't applied for the top unis realise just how much work goes into getting there. Oxbridge interviews are killers, and you need to prepare as if it was an exam.
You are being very selfish. She needs your support during something like this, not carping at because getting into Oxbridge is more important to her than a fuck on your birthday.
...and the 10 hours a thing is complete shit imo. Going back to the ex, she lived nearish to Newcastle, then moved to Edinburgh, yet we still saw eachother every week for more than 10 hours (with her either flying into london or me getting the train there), and we were together for nearly a year. I guess coming from that, I just expect my girlfriend to be somewhat committed, and not just expect me to put all the effort in.
Also bringing up what someone else has said. I am worried about what she'll be like once she gets to uni, and i'll probably be the one actually bothering to keep contact with her at that time.
EDIT: thinking about it, whoever it was that said it might be her parents, I think is spot on. Thinking about it, she does pretty much everything her mum tells her to do. Once her mum even got jealous that I saw her 2 days in row
You shouldn't really compare her to ex's though, wont do you any good.