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Anorexia

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
i have a friend who has suffered with this in the past to the point he was told he only had 6months to live, he got better but has been through alot of truama with an abusive boyfriend who beat him up. The relationship is over but it seems to have triggered the return of the eating disorder.

he is eating, but only one small meal a day which i wouldn't have thought contained any more than 400 or 500 calories.

i have looked in the health sections on here about this but i was hoping i could get some more personal experiences and advice on how to help him. he knows we all think its returned but pretends not to hear us when we talk about it. he looks ill and all his clothes are hanging off him.

He is a trainee teacher and fainted in class today. luckily our scales say you are a stone lighter than you are and he doesn't know it otherwise i think he would be even worse. He is not bothered about alchohol calories and will happily drink with us, but says he isnt hungry if we suggest food.

any advice people?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you'll not like this, but the reality is that you can do nothing. not a sausage. not until he decides enough is enough.

    if you try and make him eat, or nag him about it, there is quite a strong possibility that he'll just start lying to you, or pretending to eat. the more pressure on him, if he's your typical anorexic, the more sneaky he'll become. it is better for you as an ally to know the truth, even if the truth is not that great.

    i think your best bet is to just have a quick chat and tell him you know what he's up to, and you're worried. maybe tell him if he wants any help he can come to you. no force. that way if he does decide he wants to fight it again, he knows he'll have someone watching out for him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Advise him to seek specialist help (via his GP), but kaffrin is absolutely right here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aah see we've already tried that, he's not interested in the GP, he doesn't even believe depression exists, he thinks its all attention seeking.

    i hate the thought of sitting back and doing nothing, but i know you are right.its just hard seeing him as a walking skeleton.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nicebutdim23 wrote:
    i hate the thought of sitting back and doing nothing, but i know you are right.its just hard seeing him as a walking skeleton.

    yeah, sadly it is pretty horrific for everyone involved.

    the only other thing you could try.. well, if he has improved once, you might want to try to find out what moved him to try and eat last time. was it the definite 'eat or you'll die' from the doctors, or was it something more personal? if you can find out, it might help to subtly work that aspect.

    i hope it all turns out well for you, anyway. i know how devastating the whole deal can be for everyone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    you'll not like this, but the reality is that you can do nothing. not a sausage. not until he decides enough is enough.

    if you try and make him eat, or nag him about it, there is quite a strong possibility that he'll just start lying to you, or pretending to eat. the more pressure on him, if he's your typical anorexic, the more sneaky he'll become. it is better for you as an ally to know the truth, even if the truth is not that great.

    i think your best bet is to just have a quick chat and tell him you know what he's up to, and you're worried. maybe tell him if he wants any help he can come to you. no force. that way if he does decide he wants to fight it again, he knows he'll have someone watching out for him.

    :yes: :yes:
    Kaffrins right. If you try and stop him, hell either lie about eating, or he will just eat and make himself sick instead.
    Just be there for him. Dont nag him, and dont comment on his weight too much t, negatively or positively.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's really hard standing by and seeing someone you care about not taking care of themselves isn't it. Keep at it - he needs his friends right now and as much as you feel you're not helping, just being someone to talk to/take his mind of other things etc will help him a lot.

    I know you said you read some of our factsheets, but we have got some specific articles about this that you may have missed. Just in case:

    Helping a friend with an eating disorder

    And a true story about how a friend helped someone through an eating disorder

    You may also find some useful advice on the Eating Disorders Association website:

    Eating Disorders Association

    Information and help on all aspects of eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia and binge eating.
    Web: www.edauk.com
    Tel: 0845 634 1414
    Email: info@edauk.com
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