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A stupid holiday question

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I live 400 miles away from my parents, and about 700 from my brother. I really want to go home and visit them for both thanksgiving and chrsitmas. However I would be going alone. My fiancee won't come with me and is spending both holidays with his parents. Who live 3 miles away. We see them all the time and I literally see my family just a few times a year. Now as this would be our first holiday season together I really want to spend one of them with him. I really wish he would come with me, but thats out of the question. I can't imagine spending either holiday away from my family. Right now I am set on spending both there. Is that selfish of me? For those in relationships, how do you work out the holidays and family time?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me like you are both being stubborn!

    I have a similar situation. I live in England and my girlfriend lives in the States. I'm visiting her for thanksgiving (no big deal for me though as it's not a holiday over here!) and for xmas, too. While it will suck not being with my family for xmas, she did spend hers away from her family last year, so it's only fair she gets to spend it with her family this year.

    So, why not come to a compromise? Visit with his family at Thanksgiving and your family at Christmas, or vice versa. Alternatively do both at one location this year and both at the other next year. Of course, you could just spend both apart with your respective families if both of you are okay with that.

    Ooh, and a fourth option would be to do what my brother does (okay he's only 1.5 hours drive from my parents, but still): Spend new years eve and xmas morning with the sister-in-laws family, travel to my parents and spend the evening of xmas day and boxing day (British tradition) with them!

    So...compromise is my advice :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've thought of a comprimise, I'm just not sure. He says hes not comfortable sleeping at other peoples houses so he will not go home with me. You are correct, I am being very stubborn. A bitch really. I despise his mother and cannot bear to spend a whole holiday with them. And also, I took off the 25th and 28th for work off (thanksgiving is the 24th) and no days on x mas, only the weekend that its on. So maybe I could spend that with them as it would save me $70 in gas for 2 days. I'm just odd feeling I guess. I've never been away from them for christmas. Ah comprimise sucks :p Thanks Mike.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say you were being a bitch! You just both really want to stay with your folks!

    Don't forget that comprise is just that....if you are prepared to stay somewhere you don't like, he should do the same.

    It sounds to me that given you only have a few days off, you should spend both at his parents' place this year and get him to come to your folks' next year....maybe for a week at xmas to maximise the time spent at home compared to travelling.

    And $70 in gas for 400 miles is nothing.....we pay $6 a gallon over here! lol.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id go seperatly to be honest.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he's not comfortable sleeping at other peoples houses? :confused:
    well its a fact of life tbh, and when you have a partner you sometimes have to make sacrifices
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rainbow brite wrote:
    id go seperatly to be honest.

    You don't think thats rude? That actually sounds like something I'd prefer. I'll shall discuss. Thanks all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rude for who? i'd do whatever's going to make you both the happiest which sounds as though that would be you going to your family and him going to his. you don't have to go to the same place just because you're a couple! and if you do spend thanksgiving and christmas separately, maybe plan to have a weekend afterwards, just the two of you, and have late thanksgiving and christmas celebrations together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    he's not comfortable sleeping at other peoples houses? :confused:
    well its a fact of life tbh, and when you have a partner you sometimes have to make sacrifices

    :thumb: i agree
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh well I asked about thanksgiving and he said he's probably going to have to work anyways then. I dont' know why, its not that great of a place, but I'd really like it if he would come to my parents, just once maybe. Hes never been there, and he always says no. I can't blame him though, its a small town two states away and we'd be staying in my parents house. There are three extra bedrooms though, I didn't think it would be an ackward situation. Oh well...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's all very well to have separate holidays now, but what happens when you get married? What if you had kids? I think he is being selfish tbh.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if he has to work fair enough but id be really pissed off that he wont even make the effort, if he knows that thats where you want to go he should be able to put up with it for a couple of days afterall you have to put up with his parents often and u cant stand them hehe
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kat_B wrote:
    rude for who? i'd do whatever's going to make you both the happiest which sounds as though that would be you going to your family and him going to his. you don't have to go to the same place just because you're a couple! and if you do spend thanksgiving and christmas separately, maybe plan to have a weekend afterwards, just the two of you, and have late thanksgiving and christmas celebrations together.

    this is exactly what my brother and his gf have done in the past. times when maybe they couldn't afford to both travel to one or the other. seems to work for them. should do for you too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tbh i say hes being rude! his rents live round the corner and wnt go with you because he doesnt like to sleep round other peoples houses. i think he needs to sort his priorities out. if my bf said that i would go ballistic and then sulk like crazy until i got my own way. yeh im grown up. in fact i would actually just cry and state how unfair hes being and how i never get to see my family and that i want to spend my xmas with him and the ppl i love.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Super-human wrote:
    if my bf said that i would go ballistic and then sulk like crazy until i got my own way

    how irritating
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Super-human wrote:
    i would go ballistic and then sulk like crazy until i got my own way. yeh im grown up. in fact i would actually just cry

    heh, you sound like me ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blah wrote:
    how irritating
    but he gets to see his family ALL THE TIME!!!! i live 100s of miles from my extended family so hardly get to see them and if my bf ruined my chances of going id be sooooooooo pissy. and even if i went on my own i wouldnt have as good a time as if he was there because i'd just be thinking about him and missing him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Super-human wrote:
    but he gets to see his family ALL THE TIME!!!! i live 100s of miles from my extended family so hardly get to see them and if my bf ruined my chances of going id be sooooooooo pissy. and even if i went on my own i wouldnt have as good a time as if he was there because i'd just be thinking about him and missing him.

    :eek: you sound really like me!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Super-human wrote:
    but he gets to see his family ALL THE TIME!!!! i live 100s of miles from my extended family so hardly get to see them and if my bf ruined my chances of going id be sooooooooo pissy. and even if i went on my own i wouldnt have as good a time as if he was there because i'd just be thinking about him and missing him.

    Im not saying its fair that he gets to see his family and you dont

    The way you said you would deal with things you dont like was the part that was irritating. Throwing a hissy fit wont make him re-evaluate his principles or priorities, it just simply might make him give in to shut you up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blah wrote:
    Throwing a hissy fit wont make him re-evaluate his principles or priorities, it just simply might make him give in to shut you up.
    exactly. i get my way and he expriences a lovely xmas with my family instead of a rubbish one with his horrible mother
    we'll go to his next year as he will have more of a reason to insist on going to his family's
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Super-human wrote:
    exactly. i get my way and he expriences a lovely xmas with my family instead of a rubbish one with his horrible mother
    we'll go to his next year as he will have more of a reason to insist on going to his family's

    but by doing that your not making him want to spend time there, your just making him want you to shut up so much because your being so annoying, that he'll sacrifice his plan

    never mind, you dont seem to be getting my point
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