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Please help! He'll dump me if i dont!
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Hey. Im 16, been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months. Iv gone down on him, thats as far as we've got. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, he makes me so happy, and I dont think i could live without him, he is so sweet. But lately he has been talking about us having sex, I dont feel im ready for this, i love him, but he seems quite hurt i dont want to lose him. He says he loves me, and wants to prove it physically, but I want to wait. He gets quite angry at this, one time he said "i dont know why im with you, if you dont love me enough to trust me and make love to me" I cant cope with losing him. Im scared about doing it, does it hurt? Im scared he will think i smell or wont like my hair or something. What should i do?
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Here is what I have ascertained from what you've told us.
1) He will break up with you if you don't have sex with him
2) You don't want to have sex with him.
Diagnosis - he sounds like a fucking dickhead and a shallow fucking dickhead at that. If the only thing keeping your relationship going is the promise of sex, then you seriously should be having second thoughts.
If you're not ready - don't do it. Don't be forced to do it. If he really loves you then he'll understand. If he doesn't, he's a shallow wanker who's thinking with his trousers and really isn't worth it.
If I've offended you then I apologise, just saying what I've picked up from what you wrote.
If he doesn't respect you enough to wait til you're ready to sleep with him then you'd be fucking lucky to be rid of him.
I know how it feels, but honestly, you'll just be making yourself do something to keep someone that really isn't worth it. You'll be glad you didn't in the end.
any bloke who will chuck you for not having sex and pressurises you is not worth it.
you will regret it if you aren't ready, take it from someone with the teeshirt.
This guy is an idiot. Your response to that should be that if he loved you, he wouldn't be trying to pressure you into sex. Which is what he is doing.
Dump this useless piece of trash and move on, you deserve someone who will respect you.
if you havent even done those yet then having intercourse is a definite no-no because you really won't be ready.
why don't you try doing those first?
why do you think he own't like what he'll see? thats ridiculous. as long as you wash yourself then i don't see why there would be a problem. if he really does love you, then he'll love that part of you too.
agreed totally
A while back, I was in a similar situation (Actually, I've been here twice - the only difference being that it wasn't with someone I was going out with) and I found that if you keep saying now, they'll get bored and stop asking.
He has fingered me, but it was under covers, so he didnt actually see it. I asked him, he said he didnt mind hair, but would prefer hairless
Believe me, if the tables were turned and you were putting pressure on him for something, I highly doubt he'd buckle towards your wishes - because he doesn't sound like the person who would even compromise.
As much as you love or care for him, I really don't think having sex with him will do you much good. Hell, my ex pressured me into having sex with him, and I was 20 at the time! Once he got his end off (I'd hardly call it sex as I was just a replacement for his hand) he left the country without telling me. Nice, eh? Guys like this aren't worth a microsecond of your time.
First off, a lot of teens don't make it six months. Personally I'm 19 and have been with the same guy for three years. So that alone is a pretty big thing, but I didn't start giving him head til the fifth month of the relationship.
Echoing what everyone else has said, this guy's being selfish. He should really take into consideration that sex is rarely ever good for a girl the first time around. All of my girl friends and I have told each other that the first time was uncomfortable, and slightly painful. He's hurt that you won't have sex with him? is he willing to go into the drug store and buy the condoms? or does he expect you to do that? What would you do if the condom broke? What if it slipt off? Is he thinking about that? It's about a lot more than just him getting his rocks off, he can do that quite easily with his own hand and a porn magazine.
On top of all of that, if you guys go at it too vigorously you'll tear, be in lots of pain, and possibly bleed a fair bit more than what is normal with the breaking of a hymen. Would he be willing to go to a clinic with you if you need to get the morning after pill if your contraceptive device fails? Does he know how to put a condom on? Is he willing to wear one? has he had any STDs? If he's wanting to have sex, he'll have to tell you about all of this too. Let's face it, we're not in the 1600's anymore when the main risk of having sex was pregnancy, and that was mainly why we had sex aside from pleasure. We have to worry about HIV, herpes, gonorreah, ect. That's why latex condoms are always recommended by physicians and nurses because they protect against STDs and pregnancy. Lamb skin condoms protect against pregnancy, but not STDs (not to the same extent as latex there for they're not very highly recommended).
If he isn't willing to wait for you, he's not worth agonising over and is unfortunately in the relationship for sex only. It's YOUR body, not his, and it's YOUR choice. not his. He has to respect that. And what he's doing is emotional abuse, which isn't healthy in a relationship and frankly, it may be best for you both to call it quits and give him time to grow up a bit.
I'm sorry, i know some of this is very likely to offend you, but I had to be blunt about it.
Do what's best for you, and don't rush yourself for the sake of keeping him. It's not worth it, and you'll only end up regreting it.
CK
"You want to fuck? Go fuck yourself little boy!"
He is being honest and open with you. He wants/expects sex to be a bigger part of your relationship; currently you don't. Either you resolve these expectations or the relationship will fail - no different than if one of you wanted/expected more soul searching conversation, or more private time together, or more social time together.
A third option is that you let him know you're happy for him to seek sex outside of your realtionship.
As do I. Don't feel pressured into *anything*
However I feel your being a bit harsh on a 16yr old boy who's obviously desprate to have sex, we dont know the circhamstances perhaps he does love her, but is just pissed off all his mates have had sex and he hasnt.
Yes the emotional blackmail he's using is not good, but perhaps a bit more understanding is whats needed, they should probably have a good talk and then see what happens, we realy dont know the situation but to just blunder in and say he's an arsehole leave him now ?
Any guys out there remember when they were 16 and how you might have felt at the time, Girls as well
i say you should order him a taxi home, and dont let him come back