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Feeling fucked up.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont know where to start.....

I went to see a councellor yesterday, and its made me think about stuff.
Since last october when my ex dumped me i haven't been right in the head. I was planning my own suicide. Well i was 10 when i first felt like this but it started again a year ago.
I just feel like all my friends have someone who loves them, and i don't. My ex has dissapeared again since talking to me, his msn accounts been deleted, he's moved and i don't know if he's ok - i'm worried sick about him because i think i still love him. I keep having dreams of how we used to be, how happy i was and now i've lost it. My friends just say he obviously doesn't care about me so why should i? But i can't help it. Easy for them to say....i just feel like no one really cares about how i'm feeling - i don't want to talk about it to them anymore because i just get negative comments, so i keep it to myself and it's getting me so down.
I got worried abit ago about him when i didn't know where he was, he doesnt answer texts and when i rang a woman (i think his mum) answered his phone, so i freaked out and hung up. They tried calling back but i regected it - feeling stupid. Now i can't bring myself to try again because i'll look clingy, when he probably doesn't give a shit.
Oh i'm messed up :banghead: I don't even know why i posted this....

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like you need to move on. The end of a relationship is always upsetting, especially when one party doesn't feel the same way, but it happens and is something that we have to cope with from time to time.

    Do you any close friends who you can talk to and help get your mind off him?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I realise it must be very hard for you right now, but I agree 100% with what Kentish said - you've got to try and move on. I mean, you had a life before you met this guy, right? you'll have one afterwards. it will take time, and it will be painful, but your life will move forwards.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    presumably you are in counselling to deal with all of that stuff though?!!
    and it will get worse before it gets better... the very fact you are talking about it is bound to bring up some raw emotions and stuff and be upsetting for you. like kentish said though, you need to move on... counselling is one way of working towards doing that if you cannot manage it on your own... but you need to decide how helpful it is to you and whether you are ready to deal with all that stuff and move on too?!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Poor you it sounds like you're really confused about this guy and he's not taking your feelings into consideration. Perhaps he's moved on faster than you and you're left trying to sort out your feelings on your own? You mentioned your friends... maybe you could talk to them about it? If you have someone that understands it can really help. You could also get some support from someone anonymous - these guys are really good:

    Saneline
    Offers practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.
    Web: www.sane.org.uk
    Tel: 0845 767 8000

    Also, have a read through these articles:

    Mending a broken heart

    Accepting it's over

    I really hope you're feeling better soon :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :) thank you spanner, yes i am confused. Mostly i just want to know he's ok...but when he got in touch at the start of september he was really sorry for ending it, and kept saying he wishes it had turned out different, and he'll always have feelings for me etc.... :confused: he isn't the type to say stuff like that when he doesn't mean it
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